Are You Raising Strong Children or Broken Adults?

Guest post by Parent Expert, Aurelia Williams:

Fredrick Douglas once said “It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.“   I don’t think that there is a caring mother out there that doesn’t want to see her child grow up to be a strong adult.  Throughout childhood, there are many circumstances that arise that can either build the child up or tear him down. Over the years and throughout these circumstances, your child can either grow into an assertive, strong adult or an adult that is timid, broken and weak.

The world is filled with many influences that will be presented to your child that you will have little or no control over and those influences can affect your child.  Children develop attitudes toward themselves and others as a direct response to the words, actions and the beliefs that people communicate to them.  What do your words and beliefs say to your child?    If you want your child to grow up to be strong, secure adult, you must give him a firm foundation.

As a mom, it’s perfectly natural to want to stand up for and protect your child, but there are ways that this can go too far.   Many moms don’t want to see their child struggle with problems or fight battles with their peers, so those moms take it upon themselves to fight their children’s battles for them.  While they may think that they are helping their child, they are actually crippling them and making them weaker in the long run.    If moms keep jumping in to fight their kids battles, their children will grow up to be broken, weak adults.
It is important to know when and how to step up to or away from battles that our children face.

It is the parents’ job to assist children as they navigate through all the twists and turns that life is filled with.  That means we must teach them how to handle problems and they must practice what we teach.

Here are a few steps you can take to raise strong children:

Set a great example – Children will copy you. Just as sure as a child can act out or repeat all of the negative things parents do, they will do the same with the positive things as well. If you want your child to be strong and assertive, be sure that you stand up for your beliefs and views, even if it means going against the grain a bit.
Positive Words and Praise – Positive words go a long way.  Be sure to let your child know that you value people who speak their mind respectfully.  Praise your child when you witness them exhibiting strong, respectful behavior.  This works wonders to boost up their confidence.
Don’t Sugar Coat - Be honest with your child about the difficult issues they may face!  Break things down to your child’s level so that they understand the hard issues.  Talk openly to your child about the possible battles they may face.  When it comes to the issue of peer pressure, help them to come up with ways to combat it.  Use real life examples and role play in order to get the point across.
This issue of supplying our children with the tools that they need to be assertive, well adjusted and confident is important.  The end result is that if you don’t learn when and how to step back, your child will not be prepared for the bigger issues that he or she will face as they grow up.

Aurelia Williams

About the author:
Aurelia Williams, owner of  Parenting My Teen has organized a totally free coaching class where she will share strategies with you that will help you know when and how to step into or step back from the battles your kids face.  It is totally free and is chock full of useful information that you can use immediately!  Sign up and perhaps there will be just one less weak, broken adult in the world because of it.

Sue Scheff: A Parents' Guide to Middle School Years

By Joe Bruzzese

As I am half way through this book, I am very impressed, and can't wait to finish. Why? Not because I have middle school kids (I have young adults, but I wish I had this book and advice back then), but I am anxious to pass this on to my sister since my niece will be entering Middle School next year.

What I am saying is - if you have a child entering Middle School this fall, this book is an educational and valuable book that can help you prepare for the changes your child is about to confront.

From peer pressure, to "sex talk", to bullying and much more - the Middle School years can be the most challenging.

As the Founder of Parents' Universal Resource Experts, I receive calls from parents daily that are struggling with their teens, usually in High School already, and I can't help but think if parents had this book prior Middle School, many of the problems kids face in High School could be limited or at least handled with ease.

I can't wait to finish this book - (unfortunately I don't have much free time as I would like, but I will finish it, since I can't wait to pass it on).

Purchase or learn more here: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1587613417

(Sue Scheff) Teen Smoking: How Parents Can Prevent It

By Aurelia Williams

Teen smoking statistics are on the rise. It is very important that children are informed of the teen smoking statistics and the harmful effects of smoking.Having involved parents — those who know a lot about their children’s friends, activities and performance in school — can help children overcome peer influence to start teen smoking, according to a study by a researcher at the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development (NICHD).

The study also confirmed earlier findings that the more widespread children think smoking is, the more likely they are to start. Moreover, children who are socially competent — who have the ability to exercise self-control and good judgment — and have parents who monitor their behavior tend not to start smoking. The study, which was published in the December 2002 issue of Prevention Science, surveyed students in four middle schools in a suburban Maryland school district.

Why Parental Involvement Is Key

While researchers have known that both peers and parents play an important role in whether young teens and preteens start smoking, they’ve known less about whether the effects of peer influence on starting smoking is affected by other factors, such as parents’ involvement and children’s adjustment to school and degree of social competence.

“Many children start to experiment with smoking in early adolescence,” said Duane Alexander, M.D., director of the NICHD. “Many then go on to develop a life-long addiction that can cause them serious health problems later in life. This study shows that by staying involved in their children’s lives, parents can help them to avoid the smoking habit.”

Bruce Simons-Morton, Ph.D., of NICHD’s Division of Epidemiology, Statistics and Prevention Research, surveyed 1,081 students in four middle schools at the beginning and again at the end of sixth grade. The students completed a questionnaire that measured a variety of factors, including their friends’ behavior and expectations; their own ability to resist dares, resolve conflicts and retain self-control; and how well they follow rules, complete school work on time and get along with classmates and teachers. The questionnaire also asked children about their parents’ involvement in their lives, their parents’ expectations for them and whether their parents check to see if the children have done what they’ve been asked to do.

The researchers found that teens with friends engaging in problem behavior — those who smoked, drank, cheated on tests, lied to parents, bullied others or damaged property — were more likely to smoke if their parents were relatively less involved than if their parents were relatively more involved. This finding pertained to all of the children studied — boys, girls, African-Americans, whites, children living with one parent and children with mothers who had not attended college. Parents’ expectations about smoking and whether an adult at home smokes did not significantly influence children’s decision to start smoking.

“Parents’ involvement may be particularly important during early adolescence,” said Dr. Simons-Morton. “It is a time when many young people first begin asserting their independence from their parents, but before peer influences reach their full strength. It’s also a time when young people are still sensitive to their parents’ values and concerns, and may be reluctant to try smoking, because they know their parents would disapprove.”

The study also confirmed two earlier findings. The researchers found that students who provided higher estimates of how many other youth smoke were more likely to smoke than those who provided lower estimates. This finding was true regardless of whether children had relatively more or relatively fewer friends who smoked. In addition, the researchers found that sixth graders who had the ability to exercise self-control and good judgment, and had parents who monitored their behavior, were less likely to start smoking. Dr. Simons-Morton noted that the study was not a nationally representative survey, but was limited to four middle schools in one suburban location. Also, some groups of children may not have been fully represented in the study, because their parents did not give permission for them to participate, or because they were absent from class on survey days.

From a December 2002 National Institutes of Child Health and Human Development news release. Providing teen smoking statistics and other health relate information

http://www.helpyourteens.com/

http://www.witsendbook.com/