Help! My teen is hanging with the wrong crowd!
This is a common statement from parents when their child is starting down a negative road.
Your child’s self-esteem is an important part of his self-image. It
helps him feel he’s worthwhile just as he is and helps him feel good
about his choices and decisions. A healthy self esteem
doesn’t just happen overnight. It’s something that is nurtured and
grown throughout a lifetime, and something that the important people in
his life have a chance to help cultivate.
Here are some tips for boosting your child’s self-esteem.
Give your child choices throughout the day. A big
part of healthy self-esteem is feeling capable. Offering your child
choices about what outfit to wear, what to have for a snack or for
lunch, or if he should pick up the play room before or after going to
the park will give your child practice making good choices. When
offering young children choices, the key is being comfortable with
whatever the child chooses. The goal is to help him think about both
sides and make a decision that he feels will best satisfy his needs.
Avoid generic praise. Parents want kids to feel good
about the things they do and to encourage them to repeat the types of
behavior they value. So parents often say things like “Great job!” after
everything from finishing vegetables at dinner to putting socks on in
the morning to going down the slide at the park. While generic
congratulations feel good to a child for a short time, after too many
times it becomes meaningless. In fact, congratulating a child for things
that don’t require real effort can make a child lose trust in the
parent’s honesty.
Use specific praise generously. It’s helpful to a
child’s self-esteem to hear from parents and other adults about their
accomplishments, both big and small. Instead of using generic praise,
let your child know how much you admire and appreciate his specific
behavior. Phrases like “I appreciate your help in picking up the play
room this afternoon. It means we have more time at the park!” or “Eating
your vegetables will help your body grow strong and healthy. I love
your willingness to try new things.” or “I’m so proud of how you climbed
to the top of the tower. That took strong arms and great balance!” will
help your child feel good about his abilities and choices.
Avoid negative labels. Most of the way we
communicate with others is based in lifelong habits. Unfortunately some
unhealthy habits may find their way into your parenting
or caregiving vocabulary. Labeling a child as being mean, lazy,
uncoordinated or hyperactive, or calling him a whiner, liar or babyish
can negatively affect his self-esteem. Children are sensitive to what
the people they love think about them and words can have a huge effect.
Choose your words carefully and talk about challenging behaviors or
traits in positive terms.
Become a great listener. Giving your child your full
attention and truly listening to what he is saying and how he feels is
an immediate self-esteem booster. When you turn off your phone, the TV
and the computer and fully engage with your child it shows him that you
really care about him and that you’re interested in what he has to say.
That kind of undivided attention is rarer than it should be these days
and will make your child feel valued and loved.
Model healthy self-esteem. Your child looks to you
for clues about how to think, act and feel. Make sure you’re sending the
right message. Invest in developing your own healthy self-esteem and
you’ll be on your way to helping your child develop it too. Have a
positive body image, be confident about your abilities, and don’t let
petty criticisms from the outside world make you feel bad about yourself
and your choices. If you struggle with esteem issues, talk about them
with your child in an age appropriate way and show him the steps you’re
taking to develop a healthy self-esteem. Showing your child that you’re
not perfect, but that you’re working towards being better, gives him the
freedom to accept his flaws too.
Teach problem solving skills. Teaching your child
how to objectively assess a situation, brainstorm solutions, and put a
plan into action is a proactive way of building self-esteem. Children
who feel able to handle challenging situations, who recognize that when
they get knocked down they can get right back up and try again, and who
are confident that every problem has a solution have a strong sense of
self-esteem.
Self-esteem is an important part of a child’s healthy emotional
development. It acts like a suit of armor for your child, protecting him
from many of the bumps and bruises that come with everyday life. It
also gives him a strong foundation to build life skills on.
