Parenting Teens: Monitoring their Social Networking Sites - Find the Balance

Snooping vs monitoring: Find the balance

This has been a debate for years and the answer comes back to when safety trumps privacy...
Especially now as technology is in the hands of every teens and many tweens, parents need to be in tune with how are teens are dealing with peer pressure, friendships and most of all, school life.


Teenagers earn their trust with their parents.  Respecting each others privacy should always be priority, however if you fear your teenager is heading down a dark path, and is not willing to talk to you or a third party (therapist, guidance counselor, relative or adult friend), you may have to cross the line of trust.

What are some of the warning signs that may prompt you to cross this line?

• Is your teen becoming very secretive?  Sure, teens do like their privacy, however if you have a "gut feeling" something is deeper than a secret, you may have to cross that line.
• Is your teen becoming withdrawn? Again, teens will develop some attitudes of not wanting to be with adults, however when it becomes extreme, it may be time to cross that line.
• Is your teen changing peer groups?  And this is not into a better one, however to one that is less than desirable?  You will again attempt to talk to your teen and find out why and what happened to the other friends.
• Is your teens eating habits changing? 
• Is your teen sleeping a lot? Bloodshot eyes? Do you suspect drug use?
• Is your teen sneaking out?  Becoming extremely defiant? Not respecting your boundaries?
• Overall, is your teen slowly becoming a child you don't recognize?

Are you snooping or are you legitimately monitoring your teens?

Should you read your teen's diary? Scroll through their text messages or even befriend them on their social networking sites?   That is a personal question only you can answer.

Remember writing can be very healthy for teens (and adults for that matter), so if your teen isn't giving you any valid reasons to "invade their privacy" - respect it.

Be an educated parent, you will have safer teens.

Continue reading on Examiner.com: Snooping vs monitoring: Do you read your teens texts? - Fort Lauderdale Parenting Teens | Examiner.com http://www.examiner.com/parenting-teens-in-fort-lauderdale/snooping-vs-monitoring-do-you-read-your-teens-texts#ixzz1Ei2baSHs

Teen Part-Time Jobs: Are they beneficial to your teen?

A new study published in the journal Child Development examined the impact of getting a job among middle class teens in 10th and 11th grades. Researchers found that working more than 20 hours a week was associated with a decline in school engagement. Millions of teens juggle work and school, and many describe the stress it can cause them.

Casey P. an 11th grader of Nease High School in Ponte Vedra Beach said that she finds it very difficult to balance her school work as well as her community service hours and a weekend job at a local store.  "I know that colleges look for a variety of extra-curricular on the applications.  That is why I continue with community service hours and working.  I definitely need the extra money and feel productive at my job, but there is a part of me that wishes I didn't have to work as much."

Educators call it the fatigue factor.

“It’s a fatigue factor. The student ends up being too sleepy or too tired the next day. They’ll fall asleep in class or just simply not pay attention,” says Joe Phillips, a high school principal according to a Connect with Kids report. (Watch the video.)

As the report continues, researchers found teens working for more than 20 hours a week showed increases in behavior problems, including using drugs or alcohol. Dr. Richard Winer, a psychiatrist, says that some kids end up experimenting in ways that their income earned is not going toward beneficial outcomes.

Experts say parents need to keep a close eye on where the money is going, and how the job is affecting your children.

On the flip side there are teens like Ryan, a senior at St. Augustine High School, that feels that finding the right balance has helped him complete all he needed to get into the college of his first choice and also have the benefits of extra income from a local restaurant he works at.

As summer is approaching, many teens will be looking for a job.  This is not the same as during the school year when the pressure of studies is on them.  Having a job is about teaching our teens responsibility and accountability early - since their future will highly depend on it.

Be an educated parent, you will have successful teens!

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Teens Surviving Divorce

Communication is key. Talk, don't argue.

Talking Your Teen through Your Divorce
Divorce can be a heart-wrenching process for the whole family, and no matter how tough your teenager appears to be through the whole ordeal, he or she isn’t immune to the pain it brings. Even if your teen agrees it’s a good thing for you and your spouse to divorce, they have to endure the massive change that comes with having only one parent in the home, the possibility of moving, custody disputes and perhaps having to hear hateful things about you from the other parent.

Communicate Early and Often
Divorce can be all-consuming for the parents involved, which is why you must purpose to communicate regularly with your teen on the matters that affect him or her. Divorce isn’t something you want to spring on your teen. When you and your spouse come to the conclusion that you are really and truly filing for divorce, pull your teen aside and explain the situation as early as possible so they have time to prepare themselves emotionally for the changes that are about to occur in your family. If you can stand it, it’s best to do this together, but many parents choose to talk to their teen individually.

While talking about the divorce with your teen is important, it’s certainly not important to go into all the gory details. Your teen will likely have a lot of questions as to why the divorce is happening, but if you can’t explain the situation in a way that is fair to the other parent, be succinct and tell them that when it doesn’t hurt so much you’ll explain things better. Sometimes all you’re able to say is “We just don’t love each other anymore” or “We were fighting too much. It wasn’t healthy.” Whatever you do, don’t use these conversations as opportunities to attack or pass blame on the other parent. Doing so is extremely destructive.

Apologize for How It Will Affect Them
If you believe you’re making a good decision by going through with the divorce, there’s no need to apologize to your teen for the divorce itself. You can, however, apologize for the affect the events leading up to the divorce have had on them, and for how the divorce will affect them in the future. For example, you could say, “For the past few years, you’ve heard nothing but your parents fighting day in and day out. No teenager should have to be raised in that situation. I’m sorry you had to live in a house like that.”

Tell them you love them and It’s Not Their Fault
Divorce or no, you can never tell your teen “I love you” too often. Make it clear to them that they mean the world to you and that they had nothing to do with why you and your spouse are separating. Aside from verbally expressing your love, show it by your actions by purposing to not get so engrossed in the divorce that you miss attending important games and events in your teen’s life.

Let Them Vent
Finally, your teen may need to work through a lot of anger and sadness over the divorce. Listen to them when they express their concerns and allow them to work through it. Your teen may blame you for not doing more to keep the marriage together or shut out the whole situation by avoiding home to hang out with friends. It’s at this point that you need to reach out to your teen the most so they don’t turn to alcohol, drugs and sex for comfort in their pain.

By-line:
Kitty Holman, regularly writes on the topics of nursing colleges.  She welcomes your comments at her email Id: kitty.holman20@gmail.com.

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Teens Struggling in School

As second semester is progressing, and faster than we realize, our High School teenagers are not recognizing how important these years are to getting into a good college or university.


It is a fact, not all kids are designed to go to college, some are very good at vocational trades, and that is a great direction too – as long as they have a direction.

However if you see that your once A-B student is barely getting C’s and D’s it is time to find out what is going on.

• Talk to your teen
• Talk to his/her guidance counselor
• Talk to his/her teachers
• Who are your teen’s friends now? Are they also failing?
• What has changed?
• Why are they spiraling to a destructive level?

This list could go on forever, but at the end of the day, it is about getting your teen back on track.  Especially if you have a 16-17 year old, you have limited time to get them back on the positive road.

Have you tried therapy, which in many cases can lead to a dead end since your teen doesn’t seem to see the issue – have you tried support groups?  Talked to your member of your church or community or friends that have been there?

Once you have exhausted all local resources it may be time for outside help, residential therapy.  This doesn’t mean your teen needs to be in a place where there are hard-core kid – quite the contrary, you need to find a school or program that helps stimulate your teen in a positive direction.  Get them motivated again – but in a good way.

For more resources visit www.helpyourteens.com.

Getting Your Teen Motivated: Helping Those Underachievers

“My teenager is brilliant!  Highly intelligent, has the potential to make all A’s but is barely bringing home C’s!  Help!”
 
This is a common complaint we hear about from many of today’s parents.  Teens do not recognize the importance of education and what it means to their future.  As a matter of fact, we are seeing more adults going back for a higher education than ever before.  Why?  It is simple- education is the key to your financial future.  Now we need to get our teenagers to understand this.

It is up to parents to set boundaries and set the example.  We are not saying that teens are not allowed to have a social life, of course they are.  We need them to find the balance.

Here are some great tips from Parents and Kids:

1. Start early on as possible as you can, set up reasonable goals, begin with small tasks and give them time to improve. For example, have the child state the goal, the grade on their upcoming report card for their classes, math, English, science, history, etc.
2. Tell your child that you love him/her and wish to help him/her to have a bright future, then start the conversation with patience on his/her daily school activities, homework, test, class projects, etc. Prepare to hear some “bad news”, if it did happen, do not be angry with him/her, be calm down and help your child find the problem and try to find a way to help him/her to solve the problem.
3. In order to build a strong work ethic, need to set some rules and ask your child to follow, be strict and tell him/her why. For example, finish homework before watching TV. Why? Homework is the key to understand and master what teachers taught, which leads to his/her success in school. This rule helps him/her be stronger on self-control as well.
4. Encourage and praise the child wisely, not too much, otherwise would mislead him/her to think he/she is the best. Namely, let him/her know that the best needs continuous learning, although did a good job today, need do better tomorrow.
5. Teach your child to have passion for learning new knowledge by showing fun stuff for the project and try to get his/her interest.
6. Tell your child successful stories. Help them to understand to get a good education and succeed in school is one of the most important things for his/her life.
7. Tell your child to make friends with those who are successful in school. Do your best to get your child into a good school, because a healthy competition environment challenges the kid and help him/her to develop better.
8. Introduce some real role models to your kids, who fighting hard with difficulties and succeeded at last, gained people’s respect. Help him/her to learn that if we suffer a set back, we don’t give up. Instead, we try harder.
9. Just like parenting, motivating your children is a life-long job. Keep investing your time, efforts to motivate your kids no matter how busy you are, because it is the most important investments in your life. Kids are our future!

If you feel your teen has reached a level that is not productive and they are going down a very negative path, contact www.helpyourteens.com to find resources that could help you and your family.

Struggling Teens and Residential Treatment Centers

You have resolved yourself to the fact that you can no longer control your teen’s behavior as they are spiraling out-of-control.  Where did that cute little child go?


Actually, they are still there, but deeply buried under the layers of peer pressure, society, technology, divorces, and life in general.  Life is not perfect, however with teens (although they believe they are nearly adults) they are not mature enough to understand that divorce isn’t their fault, a parent losing a job isn’t their fault, a death is not their fault, being bullied isn’t their fault – and before you know it, they have baggage that would outweigh even adults.

Now you get online – where can I find help!  I am at my wit’s end!!!!

You start to see all these websites, clearing houses, marketing arms, toll free numbers etc… Then just when you think you found a program that can help, you find some very harsh website of disgruntled parents and other kids that attended that program.

Don’t panic. Look at the sources -is it a reliable source?  Is it a legal case?  Or simply people that have too much time on their hands, have a vengeance after a school  or program and can’t move on with life.  Unless you see some legal cases to substantiate these claims – chances are very good that their sole motive is to prevent others from getting help and slam programs.

It is a fact – just about every school or program in our country (and probably others) have the “good, bad and ugly” about them. You are not in business for years and won’t have clients that are not happy with your services.  This is why it is so critical parents do their research.

As a victim of this myself, I have won two jury trials – I have proved that my issues as being a disgruntled parent were justified in a court of law -and that these malicious websites are nothing but a way to deter parents from believing my story or getting my help.  I always tell parents, I am either famous or infamous – depending on the website you find – but in  reality – I have taken it to the justice system and proved that I was being stalked, harassed and worse because the program my daughter was abused at simply wants me gone.

Order today!

Want to know more – visit www.helpyourteens.com and read Wit’s End! Advice and Resources for Saving Your Out of Control Teen.

Underachievers: Help for At-Risk Teens

As second semester continues, more and more parents are struggling with their teens to get them to attend school.  It never ceases to amaze parents that so many teenagers in high school "assume" they can just drop out and get a GED.  Generations prior, this was frowned upon and the only teens that did there were juvenile delinquents.  This has changed.

Do you find yourself forcing your teen to go to school?  Are they failing when they have the potential to succeed?  Has your honor roll student barely getting C's?  Classic signs of underachieving can have an underlying issue to something bigger.

Has their peer group changed?  Are they experimenting with drugs?  Is it "only" a joint now and then? (Seriously some parents think this way).  What they aren't realizing is the pot they smoked 20-30 years ago is not the pot these kids are getting today.

You have come to the realization that you need outside help.  Local therapy has been exhausted, if it did anything, you haven't noticed.  Out-patient programs usually have kids far worse than what your teen is - which means they can learn better tricks and worse behavior.

It is time to do your homework as a parent and find the best match for your teenager - which includes an education.

Many know I am not an advocate of Wilderness programs - and I still am not.  One of the reasons is there is usually zero academics - it is about breaking your child down, which usually they are broken before they get there.  Many teens just fake it to make it for 6-9 weeks - and parents are charges exuberant fees.

Then there are the Educational Consultants (EC) - which parents have an extra $3000-5000, some will hire.  Before you hire them, learn about what many call the EC shuffle.   There are very few, if any, that won't have you start with Wilderness.  In my opinion it is a band-aid parents "like to hear" since most all don't believe their teen's are "that bad" and the years of negative behavior will be washed away in 6-8 weeks.
Wake up - if you talk to the majority of parents that sent their teens to Wilderness first, most will tell you by the fourth week of Wilderness the counselors and staff are already telling you to prepare for the next step.... Residential Treatment Centers or Therapeutic Boarding Schools. Another major costly expense.

My question is - why not start and finish at the same place?  Consistency is one thing these troubled teens need.  Visit www.helpyourteens.com for more valuable parent tips.

Michael and Abby P. of Weston recently had to take that major leap with their 17 year-old daughter that was simply escalating out of control.  Knowing that this was their last year to get her help, Abby said, "This was literally the hardest decision we had to make, but we know we have to save her life and hopefully give her an opportunity for a bright future."

Be an educated parent, you will have safer teens!

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40 Brilliant Negotiation Tricks Every ‘B’ School Student Should Know

While some people are born with great negotiation skills, most of us have to put forth a lot of effort and learn through trial, error and practice what works and what doesn’t. Whether you’re in business school right now or have just graduated, these negotiation tactics are good to know when you’re in the heat of things and can help you get the better end of a deal– no matter what it is.


Business Basics
These negotiation tactics and tricks will help you lead in business no matter what you’re trying to get, whether it’s a raise or a better deal on a new refrigerator.

1. Patience. You might want to pounce on any opportunity, but sometimes patience can truly be a virtue. Wait for just the right time to play your cards and you could see a much better payoff.
2. Persistence. While sometimes being overly persistent can do you in, finding the right balance between drive and stalking can be a great way to get what you want. Showing whomever you’re negotiating with that you’re serious about what you want can really help your case.
3. Research. The more you know, the greater advantage you’ll have in a negotiation situation. Whether you’re buying a car, trying to get a job, asking for a raise or just about anything else, knowledge is power.
4. Split the Difference. No matter whom it favors more, this negotiation tactic appears fair and may help to seal the deal. It works best when used in conjunction with other methods, like anchoring or legitimacy.
5. Be in demand. Letting it slip that you’re considering other offers can help make businesses more eager to hire you or to bump up your salary.
6. The Innocent Question. No questions in a negotiation are innocent. All can be used to glean information that can help tip the negotiation in favor of one party over another. So, ask away. It’ll make you seem friendlier, keep things running smoothly and make you smarter.
7. Never Make the First Offer. In most situations, you don’t want to be the one making the first offer – it could garner you less than you might have gotten otherwise. Stick it out until you’re forced to ask.
8. Ask for More. Want to get the best deal? Always ask for more than you actually want or are willing to settle for.
9. Accentuate the Positive. One great way to approach a negotiation is by knowing both the strong and weak points of your side. Accentuate the good stuff while putting little emphasis on the bad. For instance, if you’re selling a house, focus on the big pool in the backyard, not the proximity to the airport.
10. Strong and silent. It might seem counterintuitive, but sometimes the best thing you can do for your negotiations is to sit down and shut up. Silence can make people nervous and uneasy and much more willing to please.
11. The Trade Off. Here you’ll find a tactic that works because it appears to be very fair and even-handed. In it, both parties agree to make concessions– but each without really knowing the true value of what they’re conceding.
12. Ignoring No. In most cases, ignoring it when someone says “no” can get you in big trouble, but in negotiations it’s sometimes understood that no really means maybe, under the right circumstances. To counter no, you’ll need to react by asking the other party to tell you about it and lay out just where they stand. It forces them to play their hand and could let you actually negotiate a better deal.
13. Stalling. Delaying and stalling negotiations can work if you’re trying to wear down the other side and get them to give in just to be done with the whole affair.
14. Aristotle’s Appeals. Your powers of persuasion will be much stronger when you employ these three: ethos, pathos and logos. In English, that means appeal to ethics and reputation, emotion, or logic.

Buying
If you’re looking to buy, no matter if it’s a big or small purchase, consider these methods of negotiation.

1. Take up their time. The more time you take up when someone is trying to sell you something, the more they’ll want to ensure that you don’t walk away.
2. Be reluctant. Always make it seem as if you’re just looking and you’re not ready to buy yet. If you let on you’re ready to make a purchase, prices may go up.
3. Bracket. When you’re negotiating, you likely have a place where you want to end up. To use this method, make a counteroffer that averages out with the initial offer right at where you want to be.
4. Walk Away. Sometimes all it takes to seal the deal is to walk away. Once the seller knows you’re willing to give it up, they may be more willing to negotiate.
5. The Wince. A wince or flinch will physically show your displeasure with a particular deal– just don’t overdo it. Follow it up with a bit of silence and things could be uncomfortable– and that’s just what you want. This method works with both ends of the deal, so watch out.
6. Nibbling. When trying to get the best deal, sometimes you can still negotiate even after the main part is settled. These small nibbles seem like little concessions, but can really add up.
7. Big Favor, Little Favor. In this situation, you’ll make an outrageous request for a concession. It will, of course, be denied. Then you’ll make a much smaller request, which was your intention all along, which will seem much fairer, and is more likely to be accepted in comparison with your previous request.
8. The Calculated Blow-Up. While it won’t work in all situations where you’ll be negotiating, sometimes a fake blow-up can get you what you want. Whether that’s a refund from a store or a better deal with a seller, that’s up to you.
9. Do Better. This tactic involves simply asking the other party to do better than what they’re offering. If they can’t, you’ll have to walk away.
10. Low Key. It can be helpful not to appear too enthusiastic during business negotiations. You want to have something to hold back and not let on how much you really want to make the deal.
11. The Red Herring. In a red herring situation, you’ll make a miniscule point of contention into something huge. This will distract from the concessions you’re really trying to get the other side to make, which will seem small now, in comparison to this huge other, actually unimportant issue that you’ve raised.
12. Low-Balling. When you’re buying, make an offer so low you know it’ll never be accepted. Then, any other offer you make will seem much more reasonable.

Selling
If you’re on the selling end, then these negotiation tactics may suit your needs better and help you make the most from any deal.

1. Pre-conditioning. You can start using this tactic before you even meet with the other party by laying out your terms before he or she even has a chance to think about a counter-move.
2. Anchoring. Studies have shown that when people are torn when making an uncertain decision, they tend to anchor on certain information. You can use this to your advantage in your negotiations and set the tone of what will take place.
3. Hot Potato. In this tactic, someone can take their problem and make it yours, or vice versa. If there’s a hitch in a deal, this tactic involves using it as a negotiation point, asking the other party to move in your direction to solve the problem.
4. Higher Authority. To use this tactic, you’ll have to act as though you don’t have the final approval on whether or not to make a deal and will have to check with your partner, boss, etc. Of course, this higher authority won’t like the deal and will return with a counteroffer.
5. Legitimacy. Find some outside sources to support your side of the negotiation, and whomever you’re negotiation with is bound to believe it. This bias can gain you a big advantage in any negotiation.
6. The Withdrawn Offer. Want to trick the other party into thinking they’ve gotten an amazing deal? Use this ruse. Pretend to withdraw your offer because it’s too low or won’t work for you, and the other side is likely to pounce on it.
7. The Other Buyer. Your buyer will be a little more motivated to negotiate if he or she is alerted to the presence of another buyer. If they really want what you’re selling, this tactic can score you a better deal and close it faster.
8. Decoys. In this tactic, you’ll create something that you do not care about, but which you treat as if is very important. Then you’ll offer to give it up. It can help you get something you want without having to give up much of anything.
9. Give it a human face. One way to get the better end of a deal is to make the other party feel connected to you. If they don’t want to hurt you, your business partners or your family then it’ll be a lot more difficult for them to play hardball with you.
10. Good Guy, Bad Guy. If you’ve got a negotiation partner, you can try out this method. One of you will play the nice guy; the other will be a bit of a pill. The nice guy will close the deal after the not-so-nice guy blows up.
11. Funny Money. You can help make big amounts of money seem piddling by dividing them out into costs per day. This tactic works because buyers will things the amount is small, but it will add up to a hefty sum in your pocket.
12. The Trial Balloon. This tactic can work wonders when selling, because it lets you get clues about the other party’s plans without compromising your position or having to make a real commitment.
13. The Presumptive Close. Asking a question that implies that a deal has already been made can help to push negotiations along. Dealing with issues like how payments will be made and trades completed can change the mindset of the other party.
14. Puppy Dog Close. This sale is named after a technique used by pet store salespeople. It offers to let the other side try out the deal (or new pet) for a trial period. If they’re not happy, they can renege. It works because not only is the sale made by the negotiator but by the mechanics of the deal (or the pet) itself.

Special guest post by Rose King