Teen Help Programs: Are you considering one?

Are you worried about your teen?

Good kids--bad choices.  Smart kids--failing in school.

We are rounding up second semester and looking at spring break.  Parents are worried as their high school student (teenager) is still failing, refusing to complete assignments and still believes that education is a farce.

On the other hand we know our child is more than capable of getting A's and B's yet they are barely bringing home D's.  College?  We are praying they finish high school.

What is wrong with society? Why are kid of the notion that they can just drop out of high school and get a GED?  Years ago GED's were frowned upon--only for those that were either adjudicated or maybe medically necessary.  Now it is too easy for these kids to just drop out.

Then we have teens that want to smoke pot on a daily basis.  You know it is legal in some states. You know their parents do it.  Really, is it that bad?  Well, as a matter of fact - it is.

Marijuana, especially when sold on the streets to our kids, is more likely to be laces with other ingredients - possibly even  heroin.   What happens then?  Do you have an addict on your hands now?  Anyway you cut this - teens shouldn't be smoking pot.  Cigarettes?  Let's face it - it is bad for your health, but it doesn't alter your personalty - and there are times when a parent has to pick and choose issues.

I don't condone cigarettes - I don't smoke them, but I wouldn't look for residential therapy for them either.

Back to drug use and failing academics.  If your teen is nearing 17 years old and you are watching them throw their life away, it may be time to consider residential therapy - an emotional growth program.  Once that offers academics, therapy and enrichment programs.

I don't believe in anything punitive, primitive or harsh - this is about building a child back up again to make better choices.  Giving them that inspiration to reach into adulthood with a  passion.  Yes, there are great programs that can instill this into teens.

For more information contact www.helpyourteens.com.

Residential Treatment Centers: Does My Teen Need One?

Don't be a parent in denial, get help for your teen.

After the tragic events of Sandy Hook Elementary the world sits in a state of horror and mourns for the children and heroes we lost.

The questions linger, could this have been prevented?  Is it about gun control?  Is it about mental health?

Working with parents of at-risk teens on a weekly basis, I know firsthand that families are at their wit's end searching for help.  Some are literally scared of their own child.  Some are scared of what they read online about residential treatment centers.  I don't blame them - I was once a victim of this industry myself, which is why I am a Parent Advocate today.  I have made it my mission to help parents find safe and quality residential therapy for their struggling teens.

Let's discuss if your teens does need residential care?

How To Know When It's Time to Try Residential Therapy

• You have read most parenting books and behavioral strategy -- removing privileges, instilling consequences that are being broken,  to behavioral contracts to one-on-one behavioral support in the home -- and your teen still doesn't get better.
• Your child had been given numerous psychiatric diagnoses, none of which totally fit. He/she has been on different medications, but none result in long-term changes.
• Your house is a war zone every day. Your child is routinely explosive and scares younger siblings and you. You are exhausted and the stress of managing daily crises is taking a toll on your marriage, your job, your personal life and you  have reached your wit's end.
• Your child has been expelled from school (or on the verge of  being expelled), is addicted to video games, using drugs or alcohol, and has had multiple run-ins with the law.
• Your child engages in self-injury, threatens to hurt others or kill himself.
• Your child has had a psychiatric hospitalization.
• You have finally exhausted all your local resources.  This is not an easy decision and one that comes out of love.  It is time to give your son or daughter a second opportunity for a bright future - finding a residential therapy setting for 6-10 months out of their lifetime is a small price to pay considering the alternative road they are on.

How Residential Treatment (RTC) or Therapeutic Boarding Schools (TBS) Helps, When Nothing Else Does

• RTC or TBS focus on helping the child take personal accountability. Through intensive individual, group and family therapy, residential staff work on shifting the child from blaming others for his problems to acknowledging that he is where he is because he made poor choices.
• RTC or TBS remove your child from their negative environment.  Whether is a contentious home situation or a negative peer group, it is an opportunity to be in an objective placement to open up and speak freely to others that may have his/her same feelings.
• RTC or TBS have level systems so children learn the consequences of their actions. If they make poor choices or don't do their levels work, they don't gain privileges. The levels system incentivizes children to change their behavior.
• RTC or TBS provide structure and containment that is impossible to achieve at home. Most RTC or TBS are in remote areas where there is nowhere to run. Therapists, behavioral staff and a levels program provide intensive scaffolding to support the child as he learns coping skills that he can then use to regulate himself. When a child can utilize coping skills, he feels in control and begins to make better choices.
• RTC or TBS are particularly skilled at helping parents recognize the ways they are unwittingly colluding with their child's behavior, and learn tools to change their own behaviors. Parent workshops and family therapy (usually via phone and visits) are essential for the child to return home successfully.
• When selecting an RTC or TBS, it is important for a parent to find one that has accredited academics, qualified therapists and enrichment programs.  This is part of doing your due diligence when researching for programs for your teenager.  

My book, Wit's End! Advice and Resources for Saving Your Out-of-Control Teen (HCI), outline a complete detailed list for parents that are seeking help.  Starting with local resources to deciding if you need an RTC or a TBS and the differences.  

For more assistance, please contact us at www.helpyourteens.com.  We offer a free consultation as well helpful hints and tips on our website for finding programs and schools.

Join me on Facebook and follow me on Twitter for more parenting insights. 

Teen Help and Parents at their Wit's End

Be an educated parent.

The recent tragedy in Newtown, CT has many conversations sparked about the need for mental health services.  As a Parent Advocate for over a decade, I speak with parents on a daily basis and hear their desperation for assistance with their tween or teenager.  Some parents are at their wit’s end and feel like a hostage in their own home by their own child, however the resources can be limited for some.

Residential therapy is an excellent option however it can be costly.  Some insurances will help cover the cost, but only a portion of it usually.  In most cases it is usually a PPO insurance that will cover the clinical component of a residential program and even with that, usually a parent has to be prepared to pay the upfront costs and file the claims to be reimbursed. (This all depends on the mental health policy and what it covers).  HMO can be very limited when it comes to mental health, which is why we are hearing a lot about being under-insured in mental health.

When it comes to Residential Treatment Centers, another concern parents need to be aware of is the scams that are out there.  I was once a victim of one over a decade ago, which prompted me to created my organization – Parents’ Universal Resource Experts, Inc. (P.U.R.E.) Parents need to understand there are some programs and schools (or programs that claim to be schools) online with toll free numbers going to marketing arms ready to prey on desperate parents.  This is exactly what happened to us.  Though there are many excellent programs and schools in our country, like with many other businesses, there are always those that are less than what you would want for your child.

I always encourage parents to do their due diligence.

The program that duped my family, though it is closed now, has several other programs opened under different names.  They have a specialty of always changing names, in my opinion.  But you will notice the staff seems to stay the same.  Recently I heard how their LaVerkin, Utah program has gone from Cross Creek to Horizon Academy to Riverview now I just heard they are calling themselves Youth Foundation.  I don’t know – but I do know if you are doing things the right way you don’t have to hide under all these name changes – of course, that is my opinion again.

As you can imagine, this group has a script they share with their potential parents about me too.  I am a disgruntled parent.  Yes, I am – you harm my daughter, a parent becomes disgruntled.  You dupe me, scam me – I become disgruntled. I won in a “jury trial”.  I didn’t settle out court with a confidentiality – though they will tell you a jury made a mistake -I will say not jurors condone child abuse.  Now they are facing another lawsuit.  What is there excuse now?  I assume that is why the name change again.

Either way – use your gut.  If it doesn’t seem right – it usually isn’t.

At the end – your child needs help – get them help.  Don’t make a rash decision, make an educated one.

Teen Help Programs - Helping Parents Searching for Residential Treatment Centers

School is about over, the grades are in and you realize that your teen has failed some courses.

You also have realized they really don't care much about their education at all!

Unfortunately I hear this more and more from parents today.  We have extremely intelligent children capable of getting A's and not working up to their academic potential.  What is going on?

Teens that would rather either just get a GED or some that want to quit school all together!  Years ago that wouldn't even cross our minds -but today these kids don't recognize the importance of an education.

Especially in today's financial world.

Some parents are also dealing with their smoking marijuana.  Some just brush it under the table and say that it is the same as when the were kids.  Well, it isn't.  Pot today can be far more lethal than it was generations prior.

Whether you are  parent that is feeling hostage in their own home or a parent that feels their teen is heading down a dark path, you now have determined you need outside help there are steps that every parents needs to take.

I always tell parents that they need to exhaust all local avenues.  Short of your teen being 17+ years old, (since at that age you only have 12 months to do something - and do it quickly) - you have options to start with.

Local therapy, support groups, community centers, youth groups and youth pastors, sometimes sending your teens to live with a relative, changing schools.... these are all options that may work.  Sadly - many times they don't - which is when you have to face it is time for residential therapy.

As you get online you have to be so careful of all these wonderful, colorful websites - tearful testimonials - slick sales reps and toll free numbers to God knows where.  Remember, this is your child you are searching for, not a car.

I created Parents' Universal Resource Experts, Inc (P.U.R.E.) exactly for parents in need - parents that have reached their wit's end and don't know where to turn.   On my site you will even find helpful hints in researching schools and programs and questions to ask.

I urge parents to read my story - when I struggled with my own teen daughter and the mistakes I made.

Remember, this is a major financial and emotional decision - take  your time and make an educated decision.

Join me on Facebook  and follow me on Twitter for more information and educational articles on parenting today's teenagers.

Teen Help: Finding the Right Residential Program

School will be ending and summer is fast approaching.

Sending a child to a residential program/school is a major decision. It is not one to be taken lightly or to be decided on overnight.

Usually a teen's behavior has been slowly escalating and a parent knows that deep down things are not getting better.  As much as you hope and pray that things will change, this is only typical teen behavior, sometimes it just isn't.

With drug use and substance abuse rising - more dangerous and deadly ingredients being used, such as spice and inhalants, parents have reason to be concerned.  It isn't your marijuana of generations prior - it is so much worse and in many cases - addictive and deadly.

If you have reached your wit's end and now surfing the Internet for help, remember, anyone can build a website.  Anyone can put up nice pictures and create great content.  You need to do your due diligence.

Years ago I struggled with my own teenager.  I was at my wit's end.  I didn't realize what a big business this "teen help industry" was.  Yes, my child needed help, but what we received was anything but that.  My story is a cautionary tale - not one to scare you into not using a program, however on the contrary, you have to get your child help, but you have to do your research in getting them the right help.

Here are some quick tips:

• Your child is not for sale, try to avoid those marketing arms selling you a list of programs that are not in the best interest of your child's individual needs.
• Always speak with an owner or director - Someone that has a vested in your teen's recovery.  Their reputation is on the line.
• Wilderness and other short term programs are usually nothing more than a band-aid that will fall off as quickly as the program lasted.  They are expensive camping trips and in most cases the Wilderness program will tell you at about 4 weeks that your teen will need to continue on to a longer term program.  What? Yes, now you go back to the research board and worse than that, your teen will be deflated when he finds out he/she isn't coming home in 6-9 weeks as they were lead to believe - and they will be starting all over again with a new therapist - new schedule - and new setting.  Don't get caught up in this "shuffle."  Start and finish with the same school/program.
• The average stay should be about 6-9-12 months, depending on your teen.  Anything less is probably non-effective.  Anything more, you may be creating abandonment issues in my opinion. 
• Do you really need an Educational Consultant?  Absolutely not.  You are the parent and no one knows your teen better than you do - with a few tips, you will be able to make some sound choices.

For more helpful hint and tips, please contact www.HelpYourTeens.com for a free consultation. After the ordeal I went through, I created this advocacy organization to help educate parents on finding safe and quality programs. 

Join me on Facebook  and follow me on Twitter for more information and educational articles on parenting today's teenagers.

Teen Suicide - Holiday Blues - Prevention Assistance on Faceback

As the holidays are here it can also be a very dark time for some people.


For anyone who has lost a loved one due to suicide, it is one of the most painful issues they will ever face; sometimes leaving an overwhelming sense of doubt, guilt, and silence enfolding the circle of friends and family like no other experience can. In the wake of this tragedy, we are painfully forced to question- What could I have done? Could I have made a difference? Why didn’t I know?

We don’t have a life to lose in this world. We must confront suicide and suicidal thoughts openly and honestly, and use every opportunity to make a difference by breaking the silence and suffering. Ten years ago the National Strategy for Suicide Prevention was launched. Its objectives galvanized the country around a common goal.  As a result, we have advanced the science and support for suicide prevention programs nationwide.

New suicide prevention work has emerged across the Departments of Defense, Veterans Affairs, Health and Human Services and others. One notable achievement is the establishment of the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1-800-273-TALK (8255), a number that can be dialed anywhere in the United States to connect the caller with confidential and expert help.

To accelerate the action needed to prevent suicide, former Secretary of Defense Robert Gates and Secretary of Health and Human Services Kathleen Sebelius launched the National Action Alliance for Suicide Prevention with the charge to advance and update the National Strategy. The Action Alliance brings together public, private and nonprofit partners to engage every sector of society with a vision of ending the tragic experience of suicide in America.

Facebook is an important part of that partnership, and the new initiative to augment its response to potentially suicidal members by offering the opportunity for a private chat with a trained crisis representative from the Suicide Prevention Lifeline in addition to providing the Lifeline’s phone number. This service will be available to people who use Facebook in the United States and Canada.

The new service enables Facebook users to report a suicidal comment they see posted by a friend to Facebook using either the Report Suicidal Content link or the report links found throughout the site.  The person who posted the suicidal comment will then immediately receive an e-mail from Facebook encouraging them to call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or to click on a link to begin a confidential chat session with a crisis worker.

Preventing suicide is everyone’s business. Nearly 100 Americans die by suicide every day, and in the past year, more than eight million Americans 18 or older had thought seriously about suicide. As members of a family, a school, business, neighborhood, faith communities, friends, and our government, we all need to work together to solve this problem.

We simply can no longer allow those we live, work and play with to ever believe that suicide is an acceptable solution even in the worst of times.  Everyone needs to learn about the symptoms of mental illnesses and substance abuse, the warning signs of suicide, how to stand with and support someone who is in crisis, and how to get someone you care about the help they need.

Most of all, we need to be open to talking about these issues in our communities.  Once we begin to support those in need, and whenever possible treat their mental and substance use disorders with the same urgency as any other health condition, we will reduce the rates of suicide, advance health and improve the use of limited health care dollars.

Learn more about the partnership between Facebook, SAMHSA and the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.

Troubled Teens: Do You Need an Educational Consultant?

As a parent, you know your teen best.

Over and over again I will hear from parents that are either considering hiring an Educational Consultant, or have hired one.

What is an Educational Consultant? (EC)  They are an individual that may or may not have qualifications to help you place your troubled teen into a treatment center.  Years ago, EC's were mainly used for parents that needed help in finding the right colleges for their teens, help with their applications etc.

As our world turned, the need for help in the troubled teen industry grew.  It became a new outlet for EC's to make money.  As the Internet was growing, more and more parents and teens were able to do all their college searches online - and get information at their finger tips. 

Well, the Internet has expanded again - with the help of Facebook, Blogs, forums etc more parents are able to do their searches for residential therapy without the help and extra fees of an EC.  However, it is difficult to decide what is best for your teenager or what online information is true, false or fabricated.

As a parent of a troubled teen, I went through all these motions.  From the EC to the Internet scams - I hit it all.  My story is not a happy one, however it is one that thousands of families have learned from.

I ended up with a program that did more harm than good, and with that, followed years of litigation and my strong desire to find out what this "big business of teen help" is all about.

For over a decade I have made it my mission - I have seen and visited many good, bad and ugly programs.  But what I have heard over and over again is the EC Shuffle which is just as disturbing as finding a bad program.

Almost every family I spoke with that hired an EC were given the same advice - Wilderness - then we will see - and of course, by the fourth week of Wilderness they are telling the parents - we need to go to step two - a residential boarding school..... So this teen that thought he was leaving to go home within 6-8 weeks now finds out he is going to yet another program.

He/she will have to start all over again with their issues, new program, new staff and more feelings of abandonment all over again.

EC's have told parents that Wilderness will help break their teen down to be better prepared for a therapeutic boarding school - but correct me if I am wrong, isn't our teen already broken?  Why are we looking for help?

Either way, it is just very disheartening that when parents are at their weakest moment they believe what they hear from what they assume are experts. 

Full Disclosure:  I am not against Wilderness programs, many teens have a wonderful experience, but many parents can't afford them - and please don't regret it.  There are some good EC's out there - like every business, you need to do your due diligence.

At the end of the day, you need to find what is best for your teen, as a parent you are capable of making these choices.  You may just need some sound guidance - visit www.HelpYourTeens.com and you will find lists of questions, hints in searching and much more.

I just believe enough is enough when it comes to this EC Shuffle....

Treatment for Troubled Teens: Wilderness Programs - Falses sense of help?

For the many people that know me, they know I don't believe in Wilderness programs, nor do I advocate for short term programs.  This doesn't mean there aren't reputable Wilderness programs in our country.  There are, however chances are very good, after your teen attends one - within the first 30 days, the program will tell you it is likely you will need to go on to a residential therapy program.  Which means....

• More money
• Another trip
• Another therapist
• Another schedule
• Etc....

Back to the first one - the costs are exuberant for Wilderness, and to combine it with another at least $50K for a boarding school is simply out of the equation for many families.

I am writing this information today for two reasons.  One, I have received several calls this week alone by parents that fell for the Wilderness road.  Now they are out of money and need  a program, but the funding is no where to be found.  What do you do?  Their teen is back to the streets - smoking the dope and failing in school. (Let's also remember most Wilderness programs don't offer academics).

One thing these at-risk teens need is consistency.  Usually for the past several months, even years they have been spiraling out of control, driving down a negative path with a negative peer group.

Going to Wilderness is a great experience - they get to vent to their counselor, talk about their feelings and dig deep inside.  They even get a new appreciation of sleeping in their bed or a bed.  They are also knowing that once they just get through these next 6-8-10 weeks - they are home free.

Now, you tell them they are not home free - they are going to the "next step" - a longer term program.  Now they have to get over the disappointment, anger, resentment and most of all, they have to start all over again with a new therapist - a new staff and a new setting.  Sigh.....

Of course this is the case for the families that can afford that next step.  If they can't - some will be facing a probation officer or public defender within a few months.  Solid changes and "lasting" changes cannot be made within 6-8-10 weeks.

This is way an average successful program is 6-9-12 months (not weeks).  On the same note, you don't want programs that are taking your teen completely out of the family for more than 18-24 months - that is not emotionally healthy.  It can contribute to abandonment issues -which can backfire.

Do you want to learn more?  Visit www.HelpYourTeens.com and find out about resources and options for troubled teens. 

Are Wilderness program worth it?  It is my opinion of after a decade of talking with thousands of family - no, they simply are not worth it.  That doesn't mean families they aren't useful to some people, but from the many I have spoken with - they do have good experiences however know that it is step they didn't really need.  Of course, we all are different.

Therapy Isn't Working: What is the next step?

Going to therapy seems to be the first step parents take when they realize their tween or teen is starting to go down a negative path.

It is important to find a therapist that specialize with adolescents - one that understands the "teen talk".

But what happens when therapy isn't working?  What happens when your teens starts to manipulate the therapist?  What happens when the therapist believes it is time for the next step?

It is time to look for a boarding school, one that offers the support your teen needs both emotionally and academically.  It is important to understand, although education is absolutely a necessity, you have to realize that the teens needs to be emotionally balanced in order to do well at anything.

This doesn't mean you look at programs that don't offer academics, such as many Wilderness programs, parents need to keep 3 major issues in their mind.

1. Academic's/Education
2. Clinical/Therapy
3. Enrichment Programs/Extra-Curriculum Activities

Don't skimp on any of the above.  You will first be stung by the sticker shock - then you need to take this search seriously.  There are state funded programs through your local United Way, as well as programs that offer financial help in accordance to your income.  It just takes time and diligence to find exactly what fits your families needs.

Learn more at www.helpyourteens.com - There is more to residential therapy than what you find online.

Underachievers: Help for At-Risk Teens

As second semester continues, more and more parents are struggling with their teens to get them to attend school.  It never ceases to amaze parents that so many teenagers in high school "assume" they can just drop out and get a GED.  Generations prior, this was frowned upon and the only teens that did there were juvenile delinquents.  This has changed.

Do you find yourself forcing your teen to go to school?  Are they failing when they have the potential to succeed?  Has your honor roll student barely getting C's?  Classic signs of underachieving can have an underlying issue to something bigger.

Has their peer group changed?  Are they experimenting with drugs?  Is it "only" a joint now and then? (Seriously some parents think this way).  What they aren't realizing is the pot they smoked 20-30 years ago is not the pot these kids are getting today.

You have come to the realization that you need outside help.  Local therapy has been exhausted, if it did anything, you haven't noticed.  Out-patient programs usually have kids far worse than what your teen is - which means they can learn better tricks and worse behavior.

It is time to do your homework as a parent and find the best match for your teenager - which includes an education.

Many know I am not an advocate of Wilderness programs - and I still am not.  One of the reasons is there is usually zero academics - it is about breaking your child down, which usually they are broken before they get there.  Many teens just fake it to make it for 6-9 weeks - and parents are charges exuberant fees.

Then there are the Educational Consultants (EC) - which parents have an extra $3000-5000, some will hire.  Before you hire them, learn about what many call the EC shuffle.   There are very few, if any, that won't have you start with Wilderness.  In my opinion it is a band-aid parents "like to hear" since most all don't believe their teen's are "that bad" and the years of negative behavior will be washed away in 6-8 weeks.
Wake up - if you talk to the majority of parents that sent their teens to Wilderness first, most will tell you by the fourth week of Wilderness the counselors and staff are already telling you to prepare for the next step.... Residential Treatment Centers or Therapeutic Boarding Schools. Another major costly expense.

My question is - why not start and finish at the same place?  Consistency is one thing these troubled teens need.  Visit www.helpyourteens.com for more valuable parent tips.

Michael and Abby P. of Weston recently had to take that major leap with their 17 year-old daughter that was simply escalating out of control.  Knowing that this was their last year to get her help, Abby said, "This was literally the hardest decision we had to make, but we know we have to save her life and hopefully give her an opportunity for a bright future."

Be an educated parent, you will have safer teens!

Read more.

Teen Failing in School - Bad Choices - Great Kids: Parent Help

The first semester of school is over, now we are on to the final few months - and your teen is debating whether they "want" to finish school?  Excuse me - you mean teens have options?

Believe it or not, yes they do!  In Florida, at the age of 16 your teen can sign themselves out of school - of course they need your consent, however if you don't, truancy charges will linger.

Now what?  Virtual school? Homeschooling? GED?  Who would have thought - generations prior graduating high school was  never an option.  Today is a new world.

Who is in control?

Let's compound this and you suspect or know your teen is using drugs, drinking and seriously mom, it's no big deal?!  Really?

Now they develop an attitude of defiance, start sneaking out, completely disrespectful to your home and your boundaries.....

You find this is getting out-of-control and you realize that you have a limited time to get them help since at the age of 18 you no longer have control.

After exhausting all your local resources, therapy, outpatient programs, support groups - and some even send their teen to a relatives to live, you soon realize you need to take that big step - residential therapy.

You jump online after the sticker shock you find all these disturbing websites about all these so-called teen help programs, you find former students, disgruntled parents (which I was one at one time), as well as enough negative information you stop in your tracks.

I get it - I have been there -I fell for the fraud online - I won a major jury trial proving our experiences were true - even with our horrific experiences,  I still believe parents need  options.

Some of the wealthier ones will  hire an Educational Consultant, believing they are safe with these professionals.  Well, chances are good - you are safe, but are you being spun in the EC Shuffle?  Yes, that is a name some of us call it - they seem to have a cookie-cutter program design - Most clients start in Wilderness (and I can name the top 3 most EC's give out) then they go on to a longer term program.

Hmmm.... why not start and finish at the same place?  Why not find a solid 6-9-12 month program that offers consistency?

Most EC's or programs associated with Wilderness Programs will tell you that the time in the wilderness will break your child down?  Really, I am sure it will - but isn't our teen already broken if we are seeking this help?  Isn't  it time to start working towards building them back up by working through their issues?

Great advice, read today

My best advice to parents is to know this decision to find residential therapy is one of the most difficult many parents need to make.  You should take it lightly or make the decision when you are in crisis.  If you see the road getting bumpy - do your  homework early - so when that urgency hits, you are ready.

Also know this is not about "shipping off" your teen - it is about giving them a second opportunity at a bright future - after all, if you let things continue to escalate - what will be the ending?

My next post will have some hints to finding safe and quality programs.  My experiences and sound opinions - they may be criticized by some - but at the end of the day, I am a parent that has been right where you are, at your wit's end.

For more information visit www.helpyourteens.com and checkout the hints and tips there!

Need to learn more about transport services (yes, another step you will hear about) - click here.

More to come....

Troubled Teens: It's Not Too Late

Parenting is probably one of the hardest jobs there is.

During the holidays the added stress can cause contention as well as family disputes.

However if you are dealing with an at-risk teenager, a teen that was already struggling down a negative path - maybe experimenting with drugs or hanging with a less than desirable peer group or has failed their first semester of school, holiday times can be more strenuous.

Dealing with troubled teens at any time of the year is not easy, it is a challenge.  Dealing with troubled teens during the holidays can be double the trouble.  With time off from school, many families have both parents working with limited supervision at home which leaves many teens on their own.  Have you checked your medicine cabinets lately?

Parents' Universal Resource Experts, founded in Broward County, has been helping families with teens in trouble for almost a decade.  One of the common threads is during the holidays when teens start to escalate with their issues, and parents will go deep into denial hoping to get through the holidays.

What they don't seem to understand is that teenager is crying out for help and prolonging this help can only make things worse - whether it ends up in a legal battle or otherwise, if you are debating an intervention with your teens, don't hestitate because it is the holiday.  There will be many more holidays in the future and the sooner you get your teen help, the sooner your family will be on the road to healing.

Being a parent in denial is also being selfish.  This is not about the parent - it is about the teen.  There will be plenty of time for blame and/or shame later, the immediate issue is getting your teen help.

Ask yourself:

• Is your teen escalating out of control?
• Is your teen becoming more and more defiant and disrespectful?
• Is your teen manipulative? Running your household?
• Are you hostage in your own home by your teen's negative behavior?
• Is your teen angry, violent or rage outbursts?
• Is your teen verbally abusive?
• Is your teen rebellious, destructive and withdrawn?
• Is your teen aggressive towards others or animals?
• Is your teen using drugs and/or alcohol?
• Does your teen belong to a gang?
• Do they frequently runaway or leave home for extended periods of time?
• Has their appearance changed - piercing, tattoo's, inappropriate clothing?
• Has your teen stopped participating in sports, clubs, church and family functions?  Have they become withdrawn from society?

Be an educated parent - don't let the holidays prolong you from getting your teen the help they may need.


Need parent choices?  Click here.

Helpful hints when looking for residential therapy: Click here.

Visit www.helpyourteens.com for more information.

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Struggling Teens: Can you foreclose on them?

Foreclosure has become a common word today.  Whether you are listening to talk radio or watching your nightly news, the foreclosure forecast in our country is becoming a common conversation and a grim reality.
Forclosure on homes can be devastating.  Leaving a family unsettled, banks taking on more debt, and people scrambling to find resolution.

When you find yourself up against the wall, sometimes a job loss or simply a mortgage that is no longer fesible, you have to re-organize - re-structure your lives.  It is in need of repair.

What happens when your teenager becomes someone you don't recognize anymore?  They are suddenly secretive, withdrawn, or even extremely defiant?  They were once an A student and now you are facing them either failing or just skimming by academically?  Now you check their pockets and you find a lighter?  You smell booze on their breathe or even smoke in their clothes?  This list could go on and on.

Your adorable baby that grew into a fun-loving toddler that went on to elementary school without a glitch is now facing teen life and the challenges that come with it.

You reach out and try to figure out what is going on with them.  Communication is key, however can be very difficult when a teen shuts down.  You slowly watch your once happy go-lucky child go into a dark place and become a person you barely know.

Unlike a mortgage you can't afford, you can't simply foreclose on your child.  Like a home that is heading towards foreclosure, you need to learn all you can about saving it.
 
Your teen is now out-of-control.  What do you do?  Foreclosure is not an option, but there are answers.
Don't be a parent in denial.  Don't assume this is a phase and it will pass.  Don't blame the other kids he/she is hanging with.  Be a parent and get your at-risk teen the help they may need.  Starting with local therapy, find an adolescent therapist.  If money is a factor, contact the Children's Trustline of Florida at 2-1-1.

If you have reached the point that you believe you need residential therapy or your therapist recommends residential therapy, learn more about this very important step at Parents Universal Resource Experts.

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Defiant Teens - Teen Help - Troubled Teens - Parent Help

Let's face it - parenting teens today can be challenging.  Whether it is the accessibility of drugs or the blatant disrespect many teens have for authority, parents are reaching their wit's end when it comes to their teenagers.

An out-of-control teen can upset the entire family.  Is that fair to the sibling?  Is it fair to the parents?  As many families are struggling with today's economy, possible job loss and even losing their homes, the stress of parenting can be overwhelming.

In many situations seeking outside help is the only answer.  After you have exhausted all your local resources, even tried sending your teen to a relatives to live - and some may have even tried a scared straight program only to find it is very short term results - if any.

Now you are faced with the daunting experience of surfing the Internet to find help.  Doing your research is a priority.  Learn from my experiences - www.aparentstruestory.com and visit www.helpyourteens.com for valuable information to help you sift through the many toll free numbers, marketing arms and in some cases, scams when it comes to this confusing - "teen help industry."

Sue Scheff: Teen Help and Tough Love - Parenting Teens Today

How much is a parent supposed to tolerate before they reach their wit's end?

How many times do you blame negative behavior on the friends they are hanging with, since your teen would never act like this? (Not my Kid)

How long do you continue to allow your teen to speak to you with disrespect and defiance?

How much is too much?

Let's face it, parenting teens today has become more challenging than years before.  Think about your generation.  When your parent said to be home at 10:00pm, most were home by 9:50pm.  Why?  Because we respected our parents.  We also knew there would be consequences.

Was that considered tough love?  Not really, it was simply following the rules of the house.  These simple boundaries seem to have disappeared in many homes.

Is it because there are more single parent households?  Is it because most families have both parents working, meaning there is less supervision?

Without a doubt, the level of respect that some teens show today is despicable.  No matter what the reason is, your teen is creating tough love - and it gets tougher to love them as they continue to defy us, yet we will always love unconditionally.  Could this be why they push our buttons?

Years ago we rarely heard about residential therapy.  Today these boarding schools are busting at the seams as teens are learning to appreciate what they had at home.  Is residential therapy tough love?  No, residential therapy it is about regaining your child back.  Tough love can be part of the process.

Visit www.helpyourteens.com for more information for private residential therapy. Here's Help in Florida is resource for South Floridians with at-risk teens.

Be an educated parent, you will have safer and healthier teens.

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Sue Scheff: Residential Therapy verses Wildeness Programs or even JAIL

You have a teen that is driving you crazy.  You have a teen that is experimenting, if not using drugs on a regular basis.  You have teen that has changed peer groups - and not for the better.  You have a teen that has disengaged from the family.  You have a teen that is defiant, belligerent and can become violent.  You have a teen that doesn't appreciate all they have and all you have sacrificed for them?  You are at your wit's end!

Is it time to have an intervention?  What is best to insure that your teen gets back on a positive road to have that bright future you always wanted for them?

Let's review some choices to get help:


Wilderness Therapeutic Programs:  Short term program, short term results, usually zero academics, extremely expensive and as many teens state they have great experiences, it is usually never enough to make lasting positive changes.

• The concept: Remove the kids from their comforts of home.  Get them to reflect on themselves from within. 
• Thought:  Wouldn't it be wise to find one program that offers a well-rounded program including removing them from their comforts of home, offering them an education as well as encouraging them through enrichment programs?

Boot Camps:  Thankfully many have been closed in the state of Florida.  This in and of itself speaks volumes.  As parents see it as a way to punish their kids for their negative behavior, using punitive and primitive measures may cause more anger and resentment toward the person that placed them there.

• The concept: Teach your child a lesson, and hope they learn to appreciate and respect you.
• Thought:  Again, finding a sound program that offers positive enrichment, academics as well as trained staff to help determine where the negative behavior is stemming from.

Jail:  Is this ever a good option?  Not really, and although juvenile records are sealed, according to law enforcement, what happens when your teen applies for a job in their 20's and that record, although it doesn't state the charges, but is pinged by your teen being finger printed?  Did you consider the friends your teen will make in jail?

• The Concept: Show your teen the consequences of breaking the law.  Hopefully scaring them straight so they turn around their behavior.
• Thought: Get your teen the right help that instills positive reinforcement, continuing education and work on family conflict with an outside counselor.

Residential Therapy: Finally, a way to address negative behavior in a positive direction. Our teens need consistency in treatment.  Starting and finishing with the same therapist, structure and program that builds your teen back up to making the better choices.  Some parents are being convinced that using a short term program such as Wilderness Programs will prepare them for a residential program, however if you find the right program from the start, it serves the same purpose as a Wilderness Program (of course saving about $10K-20K at the same time).  Choosing a residential therapy program does remove your child from their comforts of their home.  It also gives them an opportunity to reflect and get back to basics.

• Concept: It took longer than 6-8 weeks to get to the place your teen is at, it will take at least 6-9 months to get your child back.
• Thought: Take your time and find the best program for you and your family both emotionally and financially.  Consider that short term programs are like band-aids - they do peel off fairly quickly.

With Lindsay Lohan at 24 years old going to jail, it will serve to sober her up, however the rehab is what will help her to remain sober. Sadly, this may all be a moot point since at 24 years old, she is considered an adult and can just go through the motions - after all, she is court appointed.
Don't wait for your teen to be over 18, get them help while you still have the ability and control.

For more information, visit www.helpyourteens.com.

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Sue Scheff: Residential Therapy - Top Tips for Rearching Teen Help

Just when you think you know it all, enjoying your time with your baby, that turns to a toddler, that becomes a little girl/boy – then the teen thing can hit when you least expect it!  How do I know, because it happened to me!  I was at my wit’s end when I struggled through a bumpy time with my daughter.  Thankfully, that was almost a decade ago, but some things don’t change – and that is teenagers!

If you have discovered your teen is escalating out of control and you need to find outside help, take the time to do your research and find the best program/school for them.  The teen help industry is a “big business” and if you are not careful, you could get stung.

I have compiled a list of tips when looking at different options.  My book, Wit’s End, can offer much more.  Also visit my website – www.helpyourteens.com for more instant information.

1. Can I speak with the program’s owner, director or therapist? Avoid desperate salespeople, who may be tempted to advise you based upon a commission. You must politely but firmly ask to speak only to the program owner, director or therapist. If the art of remaining calm but also remaining focused and determined while you speak is difficult for you, then please reassure yourself with the knowledge that you are not responsible for whether they feel irritated by your persistent questions. You are responsible for a family member who probably does not know it, but needs your immediate and direct intervention as their last and best lifeline.

2. Does the program provide a parent reference list? If your program representative is able to give you assurances that make you feel comfortable about its suitability for your child, you will probably be provided with a reference list of parents who have or who have had children in the program. If not, ask for it! It is always beneficial to speak with those parents, but remember that since the school gave them to you, they’re most likely to be positive references. You are searching for impartial information to help you make a life-changing decision on behalf of your troubled child. Ask each parent how long his or her child was in the program. Look for a general average. This little detective game takes patience, but these may be some of the most important questions that you ask in this whole process.

An excellent question to ask all reference parents is: If you could change one thing about the program, what would it be? This can be very telling and also bring out some of the negatives. Remember, there are no perfect programs, but if you go in with your eyes wide open, chances are you will be ready for anything.

3. Is the program state-licensed and accredited academically as a school? This is a simple one. Both answers should be yes. Ask to see a copy of their license and accreditations. Check the date to confirm that the license is still valid. If you have questions regarding the license, contact the State Department of Licensing to confirm that the program is truly in good standing.

4. What are the program director’s credentials? Review the director’s educational background (the level of degrees he or she holds), as well as how long the director has been employed by school and his or her experience in the teen-help industry as a whole. Also verify:

• How are the staff members trained and certified? Are staff members certified to physically handle a child without harming him? Is the staff certified in CPR?
• Are the teachers and therapists licensed in their professions? Inquire about the educational backgrounds of the teachers and therapists. Do they meet your needs?
• Does the program run background checks on staff members prior to employment? Child predators typically seek out jobs that allow them greater access to children, so this is imperative to know.

5. Will I be able to speak with my child? How often? Can I visit my child in person? By video conference? And when?  Will my child’s postal mail be monitored or censored, going out or coming in? If so, why?  Don’t settle for glittering generalities, such as telling you that the child will be allowed to communicate once they “reach” a given level or position. If they say that, you should realize that it is then easy for the program to use that restriction to manipulate the child’s ability to communicate with home at all. In most schools and programs, we find that the answer you should shoot for is that they want about three weeks before you have your first phone conversation with your child.

6. What types of financing are offered? Are there scholarships? Also ask: Are there any extra fees that are not included in tuition? Specifically, what are those extra fees, and when must they be paid? Will my personal insurance cover any of these costs?

7. What is the average length of the stay for the students? Do they offer an aftercare program or a transitional program Is there a fee for aftercare? And can my child go back to the program for a second time if he is struggling again? The length of time ranges from about six months at a minimum to as much as two years in more extreme cases. An average length of stay will be within nine to twelve months.

8. What is the average student age in the program? What is the population capacity of the program, in terms of how many students the program is licensed to accommodate, and how many are currently enrolled there? And what is the student to staff ratio?  It is so important that your child be placed in the appropriate element, both in terms of age and gender, and also in terms of not being lumped in with dangerous others. This is one of the reasons that staff-student ratios are so vital. If the staff is too heavily outnumbered, then it will not matter if they are well trained and dedicated in their work. They will be overwhelmed by the workload, and your child will not only suffer the neglect, but be in harm’s way if left unguarded among kids who may be prone to violence.

At P.U.R.E., we have found the ideal student-staff ratio to be between one-to-four and one-to-seven. This range has shown itself to be reasonable, and if the staff is well-trained and supervised, it is a sufficient ratio to maintain order and administer the daily program.

9. Does the program offer open enrollment? This is a vital service. When your child is in crisis, you want to be able to deliver the child immediately. A school that offers enrollment at set times or by semester or around holidays is not a school for troubled teens. Aside from the program’s weekend status, some will only offer enrollment at certain scheduled times of the year. You will generally find that traditional boarding schools and military schools tend to have enrollment periods limited to the structure of their school term.
10. Where is the nearest medical facility and/or full hospital? Does the program have a physician or registered nurse on staff and on premises?  Does the program accept kids on medication? If your child is on prescribed medication, who will dispense it and how will it be monitored? Is there a system in place to monitor the safety and effectiveness of the prescribed medication? Does the school meet your child’s specific medical needs? For instance, if your child is insulin-dependent, physically challenged, has asthma or a severe food allergy, is the school equipped to administer proper care for these conditions?

11. Are they academically accredited? Will the child’s school credits transfer back home? Also find out, if applicable: Do they offer S.A.T. and A.C.T. testing? Do they offer special educational help? As icing on the cake, do they offer any form of extra-curricular activities? Are there extra fees for special tutoring and/or extra-curricular activities? Do they offer college courses or vocational training for older students? Before signing over your child to their care, get a copy of both their accreditation and their school program. Do not allow anyone to make you feel as if you are digging too deep when you check these things out.

These questions are the only way to assure that the child’s education will not be unduly sacrificed during their time in the Residential Therapy program. Just because you are willing to accept that some degree of slip must be reasonably allowed, given the circumstances, does not mean that educational concerns ever go out the window. This is always done with an eye for the day that the child returns home and must begin reintegration into daily life.
12. Does the program accept involuntary enrollment? Will they accept enrollment from kids who have to be professionally escorted there in order to show up? Does the program offer escort services?  What is their policy on expelling a child? Do they allow court-appointed children in the program? You need to ask about this regardless of the state of your child’s behavior because it also tells you about the environment that he or she will be in If the environment around them is not corrective, but simply restrictive and depressing, where are they supposed to acquire the missing ingredients for acceptable behavior, regard for others, and self-esteem?

13. Is the facility secured? Fenced? Also ask: How do they keep the kids from running off? When it comes to personal restraint, what methods does the program employ? Ask them what their policy is in dealing with a student who is completely lost in a rage, perhaps out of control and threatening himself or others. What is the program’s policy about consequences if the students don’t follow the rules? Most schools have time-out areas, but they should not be scary isolation rooms, and the program should never employ isolation boxes. Threatening the child’s fundamental sense of personal safety is counter-productive. It is my belief and experience that doing so builds resentment, anger, and anxiety.
14. What about the physical place itself? What is the housing like? In an ideal world, parents would be able to visit several schools/programs before making a decision. But, realistically, whether due to time constraints or financial reasons, many parents simply cannot make the visits. If you fall into this category, don’t feel guilty about it as long as you are doing your due diligence to research the school. By speaking with parents and possibly former students who have attended, you should get a good sense of where you are sending your child. Most programs welcome visits prior to placement. If they don’t, I would definitely hesitate considering that school.

15.What exactly does the contract entail? If your child is expelled from the program, does the contract release you from financial obligation for the duration of the program? Does the contract outline the costs you are aware of and the services you have been told? Be sure that you are aware of the fees that can be charged to you. In other words, confirm that what you have been told is covered in the contract.

Use the “Instinct Test”: Visit the school. From the moment you arrive, what does your intuition tell you? We each have an innate “parent meter” that goes off and lets us know if something doesn’t feel right. Listen to it! I wish I had. What are your first impressions about the general atmosphere of the place? How do you feel when you get out of your car? Of course, there is apprehension, but is there a sense of security, kindness, nurturing–or do you feel cold and fearful? Usually from the moment I step onto a campus, I can get a vibe, good or bad. In some cases, it is not so good, but after the initial ice breaks, I realize the beauty within.

Remember, this is not easy and not natural, so be prepared for many emotions. But in the end, let your head and heart combined make the decision. People who make it a point to visit a number of these places consistently confirm my own observation that there is a dramatic difference in the general feeling from one place to the next.  Take note if you sense a cold and unfriendly atmosphere, and be sure to note the difference when you walk into a program where the feel of the place is warm and nurturing right from the beginning. Assuming that the two places are equally competent at handling their security issues, which place would you want for your child?

If we can offer our struggling teens an opportunity to find themselves again, the long and difficult journey will have been worth the effort. We can’t look for guarantees; the staff and the students are all human and fallible. But as parents, we can take pride in knowing that during this vital transitory time of our teens’ lives, we have taken every available step to help them build a future–and a self–of which they can be deservingly proud.
I want to thank Michele Borba, Parenting Expert, for also sharing my tips and posting my information as a guest Blogger.  Don’t miss her fantastic book, Big Book of Parenting Solutions, it is a must have for every parent. From toddlers to teens, Dr. Borba covers it all!

Sue Scheff: When Teens Say to Parents: "I hate you"

Unfortunately many parents will hear these words when a heated debate comes up and a teenager is not allowed to have or do a specific event/item. Enduring this type of 'tough love" is one of the most common paths parents of struggling teens have to travel, hearing these hateful words.

Many cannot understand or grasp the concept of "not enabling" the child to ruin or run the family unit. Enduring life with a teen that is running the home can result in many uproars, conflicts, arguments, battles, and sometimes psychical and verbal abuse. Tough love is exactly that: Tough. Loving our children is unconditional, but we don't have to like what they are doing or how they are destroying their lives.

There will come a time when a parent realizes enough is enough! This is the time that they need the support from outside sources, such as a support group, along with professional intervention. This does not reflect you as a parent, nor does it place blame on the family, it is the child that is making the bad choices and the family is suffering from it.

Many times tough love is simply letting go. Let the child make their mistakes and they will either learn from them or suffer the consequences. Unfortunately depending on the situation, it is not always feasible to wait until the last minute to intervene. If you see that tough love is not working at home, it may be time to consider residential placement (placement outside the home). Quality residential placements work with the entire family.

While in the whirlwind of confusion, frustration and stress that the child is causing, it is hard to see the actual problem or problems. With time and distance, the healing starts to occur. Tough love is a very painful and stressful avenue, however in some families, very necessary and very rewarding. Tough love if used correctly can be helpful. However if you are the type to give in at the end, all the hard work of standing your ground will be for nothing. Actually, your weakness or giving in could result in deeper and more serious problems. Please confer with professionals or outside help if you feel you are not able to follow through with what you are telling your child you will do. Don't be ashamed to ask for help, you are certainly not alone.

Learn more about residential therapy at www.helpyourteens.com .

Be an educated parent, you will have a more peaceful home.

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Sue Scheff: Wilderness Programs - Are they right for your troubled teen?

What is a "Wilderness Program?" If you are a parent that is struggling with a teenager that is out-of-control, you will surf the Internet and attempt to find help. Many parents first think of boot camps as a resolution - a way to teach our teen a lesson. Then you realize that maybe that is not the best avenue and you are somehow directed to wilderness programs. Not always, but especially if you have hired an Educational Consultant, their first recommendation is commonly Wilderness programs (and many call the EC Shuffle).

There are many very good Wilderness Programs in our country, however the question remains, are they necessary or should you go directly to where most teens eventually end up: Residential Therapy program.

Wilderness programs are mainly designed to break a teen down. Although they are not punitive, in comparison to a boot camp, they are primitive, forcing your teen to appreciate the luxuries he had at home. However, a residential therapy program can do the same thing, since many are not designed by Hilton (TM). Have you also thought about this: Your teen is already broken down, why do we need to continue to break him/her down?

Let's look at the pro's and cons.

• Wilderness programs can cost you up to $500.00 a day. Yes, a day. Some start as little as $250.00 a day (Yes, as little as). Now multiply that by 30 days or actually 6 weeks, since the average stay in Wilderness is 6-9 weeks. At the low end: A month in the mountains will cost you $7500.00. That is questionable to many, as well as out of the financial means of many more.
• Wilderness program rarely have academics. Fact is your teen is probably not focused on academics and could care less about them. Working on their emotional stability is the goal here, however it shouldn't be an excuse to delay education. Although your child may not care about their education, you do.
• Wilderness programs are short term. Short term program, short term results and a lot of money. In most cases they go on to residential programs which will run you about another $5000.00 a month and up for another 10-12 months. Wouldn't it make sense to start and finish at the same place with the same therapist and the consistency of recovery?
• Wilderness programs are sadly where we hear of the most deaths or accidents in teen help programs. It is true, accidents can happen in any program, however when listening to speakers in congress while attempting to pass a bill to stop abuse in residential programs, it seemed the parents that lost a child in a program were mainly in Wilderness programs.

Some positives:

• If your teen has not escalated to a point of serious concern, and is just starting to make some poor choices, maybe a 6-9 week wake-up call is all that is needed. As long as you can afford it, and remember, if they decide he/she needs more than the 6-9 weeks, you need to be prepared to go the next step.
• The teen is removed from their home environment. They are put in a place of isolation and maybe this is just what they need to reflect on their current negative behavior.
• There are some excellent Wilderness programs with very good and caring staff in our country. Many teens that had a wilderness experience really feel it was very good. Many parents also believe that the Wilderness program helped their child get ready for the next step, residential therapy.
• Wilderness programs offer a great opportunity for your teen to live outdoors and experience outdoor therapy. With some teens this is very beneficial.

This is a personal decision, and although I am not an advocate of Wilderness programs I can appreciate and respect parents that believe they need this extra step and it has worked for them. It is my philosohy that starting and finishing at the program is part of the consistency of healing. Having to switch programs and therapists (especially) and starting over, can feel like you have fallen back to ground zero. However, each family is different with different needs, so this is an individual decision.

Is Wilderness right for your teen? Only you can answer that.

Order Wit's End! Advice and Resources for Saving Your Out-of-Control Teen for more information on finding the best placement for your individual needs.

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