Sue Scheff: Adopted teenagers face their own unique set of troubles

As any parent can tell you, raising a teenager is no simple task. The teenage years are a rollercoaster of complicated emotions, as teens struggle to transition through new, confusing stages of their lives. These years are characterized by uncontrollable floods of emotion that teens are often unable to handle, which can lead to many psychological problems. Parent advocates like Sue Scheff™, the founder of Parent Universal Resource Experts™, have been working to raise awareness on important parent-teenager relationship issues that have previously stood silent.

Sue Scheff™ is working to help spread information and knowledge to help parents with some of the most difficult issues for children to deal with; adoption. Adopted teens face an entirely new set of problems in addition regular list of teen angst and despair.

Parents of adopted teens must not only help their teens transition safely and comfortably to their next stage of life, while keeping them away from all the dangers of our modern world, such as drugs, gangs, and internet dangers, but they must help them live without their birth parents, which can cause a variety of detachment, anger, and depression problems to fester if they are not dealt with by the new parents.

There is no simple solution that explains how to properly raise an adopted teen and the cold analysis of experts in the academic world often falls short of actual real world application. However, Sue Scheff™ offers real parenting advice, proven through hands on parent experience. Sue Scheff’s advice can help a resourceful parent guide their adopted teenager on the path to adulthood.

Sue Scheff™ offers a variety of helpful resources to those seeking help with their adopted teen troubles. Teenagers should be treated with the respect parents want for themselves, and this site will help facilitate the mutual understanding an adopted teenager and parent relationship needs to succeed.

Learn more click here.

Sue Scheff: Reactive Attachment Disorder and Internet Addiction

The internet is an incredible resource for information and entertainment, but it does have drawbacks. Besides creating an avenue for dangerous child predators to flourish, the internet has also caused a recent and misunderstood sickness to sweep across the nation. This dangerous new disease is known as Teenage Internet Addiction.

The idea of “internet addiction” began in the 1990’s to explain an unhealthy reliance on the internet that parents noticed their teens developing. Since then, the internet’s popularity explosion and use of sites like Myspace™ and Facebook™ have ushered in a new age of teenage internet addiction.

Sue Scheff™ and other parent advocates realize the danger of teenage internet addiction, and adopted teens are highly susceptible because they often experience Reactive Attachment Disorder, or RAD. RAD develops when a teen is unable to attach trust and development in interpersonal relationships. RAD is caused by the confusion and pain of a child’s separation from their birth mother. Even a child adopted early in life can experience dramatic RAD separation anxiety in their teenage years.

Sue Scheff™ has found that internet addiction increases feelings of anti-social tendencies and the inability to interact with others, much like RAD. Adoptive teens struggle to overcome RAD increases their vulnerability to internet addiction.

Teenagers should not be fearful of the internet, it is an attractive and exciting way to gather information and communicate with others, but parents must be aware of their adopted teen’s internet usage levels. Parents should never spy on their kids; instead they should focus on maintaining open lines of communication, much like they would when dealing with Primal Wound or other adopted teen issues. Parents should ask their kids about their internet habits and ask to look at their Myspace or other profile sites. Parent should never look at teenage pages or pursue web history behind teen’s backs; this can alienate your teenager even more, amplifying feelings of anxiety or RAD.

There are some signs of teenage addiction associated with internet use that Sue Scheff believes parents should be especially aware of. Some of these warning signs are very closely related to teenage depression, another condition that many adopted teens face.

When exploring the possibility of internet addiction, check if your adopted teen experiences powerful euphoric feelings while on the internet and extreme anxiety while away from it. Also check if the teen has intense cravings for the internet, always wanting to return to it. Other warning sings include adopted teens lying about their internet usage and withdrawing from past activities in favor of increased internet usage. Internet addiction’s physical effects include dry eyes, drastic changes in eating habits, increased headache or backaches from focusing on the screen, as well as sleeping problems.

Placing the family computer in an easily monitored area is a good way to prevent internet misuse. Never ban the internet, but work on a time schedule that will be fair for both you and your adopted teen. Also work to encourage non internet activity, which means forcing other family members to reduce internet usage while encouraging outdoor activities.

Adopted teens are at a high risk for internet addiction because of their problems with RAD, but if parents foster healthy family communication practices, do an honest job of trying to understand their teenagers internet needs, and let their teens know they are ready to help them if they need it, than internet addiction and its side effects can be prevented.
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The Ballad of the Adopted Child by Jeanne Droullard

DOES your teen,

- always seem angry?
- have anger that turns into rage?
- show signs of depression, i.e., withdrawal, slipping grades?
- show disrespect to you or disrespect people in authority?
- self-protect by keeping people at a distance?
- lie, manipulate and steal?
- ever talk about his/her biological parents?
- want to find his/her biological parents?

DO you,

- feel comfortable about your teen's behavior?
- recognize signs of RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder)?
- believe you must be adopted to show signs of RAD?
- understand what is meant by the Primal Wound?
- think it makes a difference at what age a child is adopted?
- understand bonding and how it can be disrupted?
- understand the fear and pain of an adoptee?
- understand adoptee' difficulty in trusting and showing love


It can be difficult to know if your adopted teen's anger is normal and within the range of typical teenage behavior. Most teenagers get angry, especially during the years when their bodies are changing and the hormones can bring quick and severe mood swings. All teenagers are searching the world trying to find out who they are and what they want to become. They all want to know how the world will affect them and how they will affect the world.

If not addressed as a child, an adopted teenager has a duality of conflicts to overcome. Whether adopted as a baby or as an older child, this teenager has had a separation from the birth mother and this is a strong link that is not forgotten. Nancy Verrier calls this the Primal Wound. In the womb, Psychologists now agree that the child is very aware of the mother, how she smells, how she laughs and feels, even how she sounds. The baby has been inside the womb for nine months. This baby even realizes if it was a wanted pregnancy or an unwanted pregnancy - this baby knows. It also has an awareness of the physical, mental and emotional connection with the mother. Bonding begins before physical birth and possibly shortly after conception. Many professionals used to laugh at this idea and thought it impossible for a little baby to know and remember being separated from its birth mother. Alas, the tide has changed and the professionals now believe that this child couldn't help but know the separation from the birth mom that carried it - and this is the primal wound that stays with that child forever.

Read entire article here: http://www.helpyourteens.com/adoption/index.html

Adopted Teens - The Primal Wound - Understanding the Adopted Child

It can be hard to separate normal teen problems from those stemming from deep seeded adoption issues. The best way to understand your adopted teen is to simply talk to them. As Sue Scheff™ knows, keeping the lines of teen and parent communications open is the best step to fixing teen troubles.

Unfortunately, most teens feel uncomfortable sharing troubled emotions with their parents, especially when the parents aren’t biologically related. The best thing adopted parents can do is stay informed of some of the issues that could affect their adopted teens. One major teenage adoption issue is the Primal Wound™ phenomenon.

The term Primal Wound™ was coined in 1993 by Nancy Verrier in her revolutionary adoption book, Primal Wound™.

Primal Wound™ refers to the feeling of duality that adopted children must overcome as they transition through their teenage years. An adopted child experiences separation from their natural caregiver, severing a link that will never truly be forgotten. Experts and psychologist agree that the developing fetus is aware of its mother in the womb, understanding their signature smell, sound, and other familiarities. This bond is forged and reinforced over nine months, and lasts throughout the child’s entire life.

It’s clear that in a way, babies understand the identity of their birth mother, even if the mother is detached from the child directly after birth. The primordial attachment is always formed when a child experiences birth and is severed when they are separated, and this Primal Wound must be confronted if an adopted teen is feeling separation problems, because it can lead to unresolved emotions of anger and distress that can catalyze dangerously in a young teenagers hormone ridden life.

The power of Primal Wound™ has been illustrated in various examples, including a story in Verrier’s book about a young girl who was separated from her real mother at birth, but was never told she was adopted. When the little girl was four she had a terrible nightmare, sending her into a screaming fit for her mother. When her adopted mother tried to calm her, the girl looked at her and proclaimed that she wanted her other mother. This little girl had no way of knowing that it was not her original birth mother, but the womb bond formed immediately after birth told her she was not connected to her birthmother, showing the Primal Wound™ in action.
It is clear that the Primal Wound™ exists and can lead to problems for adopted adolescents, but what should parents do to cope with this phenomenon and how do they help their adoptive teens deal with it? Luckily, simply knowing and understanding that the Primal Wound exists is the most important step in healing it.

Adoptive parents have the power to cleanse their child’s Primal Wound™, but they must understand that their teens have experienced a difficult loss, and must carefully validate those young feelings. Teens need to know they are understood; the feeling of isolation, the belief that no one understands, is what drives so many teenage depression or anger problems to develop. By simply listening and providing an avenue for communication and understanding, parents can help their troubled teens heal.

Sue Scheff™ advises parents never to say “Don’t feel that way,” or “What you are feeling is wrong.” Teens can’t help what they feel; they are a bundle of unresolved emotions. What a parent must do is illustrate a proper way to respond to these troublesome feelings, instead of acting destructively. Sue Scheff™ knows that the key to helping teach teenagers deal with their emotions is setting limits. Let your child be angry or express themselves, but don’t let them overstep the boundaries you set as a parent.

By understanding the Primal Wound™ phenomenon parents can help their adopted children work through life separated from their biological parents.

For more information - http://www.helpyourteens.com/adoption/index.html about adopted teens.