Sue Scheff: Parenting Your Teens in a Positive Direction

School is opening throughout our country this month. It can be an exciting time for some and a trying time for others.

Having a successful school year is always a parent’s desire, however sometimes there are bumps and struggles. Especially if your child is in High School and preparing for their college applications, we need to be sure your teen is motivated in a positive direction.

I always encourage parents to find their child’s passion. It could be tennis, swimming, photography, baseball (sports), chess, fine arts, music, dance, or many other interests. Does your child show an interest in writing? Get them involved in the school newspaper or on the yearbook committee. Doe your child like politics? Look for groups and clubs within their school or outside and encourage them to join. Check your local library for a variety of clubs or groups.

A teen that is guided in a positive direction has a better chance at reaching their goals and developing their skills in their area of interest. It can also enhance their academic progress knowing they have a goal. I also recognize many teens don’t know what they want to be when they “grow up,” however many do have something they are passionate about.

One 15 year old,Danielle Herb, has taken her passion and reached heights that many only dream of. Her mother has been her inspiration and has encouraged Danielle to be all she can be.
Danielle Herb organized and runs Drop Your Reins, a program for kids with ADD/ADHD and Autism. She and her mother offer peaceful solutions for ADHD/ADD & Autistic Children using natural horsemanship. Visit Cheers Ranch on Amelia Island, Florida.

As a young teen, Danielle is driven, motivated and determined to do what she does best, relate with her horses and help others with her gift. Danielle herself is ADHD, and relates to the children she is helping and mentoring.

I understand this is an exceptional young woman, however your teen can be successful too. Find their passion – encourage them to get involved – be an involved parent – and don’t forget, these years go so fast, don’t waste a minute.

Be an educated parent; learn more about your teen and their goals. You may have a teen entrepreneur in your home and not realize it!

For more info: Community Service Education, College Board, Broward County Library, After School Activities, Connect with Kids, Education.com.

Also on The Examiner.com

Sue Scheff: Parenting, Friend or Parent?

This is a great topic that is often discussed among parents. Trying to determine whether you can be both a friend and a parent to your child?

Idealistically, it seems easy, but in reality parenting should always come first. Debra Beck, author and Teen Mentor, recently wrote an article about this very subject.

Friend or Parent

It’s a fine line between friend and parent.
By Debra Beck

I remember this when my girls were teenagers, and it was coming up again with my partners boys. It’s tough for me to be their parent when they come to stay twice a year, so the best I can do is try to be a friend and still be view as a parent, where they respect me. I noticed that one of the twins started to do things that wasn’t showing respect, not listening to me when I’d ask him to do something, teasing a little to much, so I started to look at what was going on. The other twin was still treating with respect and I was treating him the same way I was treating the other.

My behavior with them was very casual, and fun, and they knew that they could talk to me for some reason. A lot of the time they would tell me things they wouldn’t tell their Dad, mostly because I didn’t react. I didn’t want our relationship to change, although I wasn’t enjoying the behavior of the one twin that wasn’t showing any respect. So, I decided to talk to him, tell him how I felt, that I liked our relationship, it was fun and I wanted to be able to maintain my relationship with him to have fun and I also wanted him to respect me. I told him the things that he was doing that was showing a lack of respect and ask him if he thought I was asking to much? He said “No”. I addressed this at the end of their stay so I won’t know if he was actually listening, or if it would have changed his behavior, I will have to see this winter.

I think we can have a relationship with our teens that is open and communicative, like a friendship, but with a strong parental umbrella. The parenting umbrella has to be there because if they have issues that only a parent can help them through, they have to have a strong parent to go to. I believe the friendship has to be there too because if it’s not there, there won’t be a comfort level to bring the big stuff to you.

I don’t think it’s a good idea to create a friendship with your kids where you are hanging out with them and their friends, and partying with them. You want to create a friendship where you are still the parent, not just a friend. Kids need their parents.

Kids also need parents who understand them and allow them to be teens, this is where the friendship comes in. Their friends understand them and allow them to be themselves. This is what we need to practice. Understanding doesn’t mean giving them permission to do what ever they want, it just means understanding what they are going through and being there to help them through it. If the friendship part is missing all together, they may never come to us with there big issues and we may never get the opportunity to help them through things.

My girls always knew they could talk to me about anything, now whether they did or not, who knows. I do know that they came to me with some pretty big issues. I wanted them to talk to me. I treated them like teenagers, and didn’t expect them to act like adults. They also had rules and consequences for braking those rules, but the rules weren’t rules expecting them to be adults. I didn’t set them up for failure. The part about the friendship that is so important is loving them and not judging them, so they can come to you when the need you, isn’t that what friends are for?

So, friend or parent? I say a perfect blending of both. Let me know your thoughts, and happy parenting.

Follow Debra Beck on Twitter at @DebraBeck