Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Sue Scheff: Teens Lying

Part 10 of my sneak peek inside the BIG Book of Parenting Solutions, written by parenting expert, Dr. Michele Borba, brings us to a topic that I hear about frequently - LYING. Why do our kids lie to us? What is the motivation? Where did they learn this habit from? Is there really a difference between a white lie and not a white lie? Let's explore this subject. There is an entire chapter on lying starting on page 173.

Red Flags

Lies, exaggerates, or stretches the truth; can no longer be trusted; deceives out of habit

Pay Attention to This!

An occasional fib is nothing to worry about, but if your child develops a habit of lying, it could be a sign of some deeper problem or, in rarer situations, Conduct Disorder. Seek the help of a mental help professional for these reoccurring symptoms: stealing, lying, fighting, destroying property, truancy, deliberate infraction of rules, bullying and cruelty, or showing no sadness or remorse when confronted with the mistruth. See also Bullying, page 332, and Steals, page 218.

ONE SIMPLE SOLUTION (of many listed in this book)

Use Moral Questions to Stretch Your Child's Honesty Quotient
Asking the right questions when your child bends the truth can be import tool for stretching your child's honesty quotient. Here are a few questions to get you started:

"Did you tell the truth?"
"Was that the right thing to do?"
"Why do you think I'm concerned?"
"If everybody in the family [class] always lied, what would happen?"
"If you don't follow through on your word, what will happen to my trust in you?"
"How would you feel if I lied to you? How do you think I feel to be lied to?"
"Why is lying wrong?"

The change you are aiming for is for your child to finally grasp that lying breaks down trust. It will take time, so use those teachable moments to help your child understand the value of honesty.

Previous sneak peeks: (1) Gratitude Recipes: Big Book of Parenting Solutions, (2) Parenting 101: Ungrateful teens and children (3) Seven Deadly Parenting Styles, (4) Sex Talk with your Children, (5) Gifted children, (6) Money and your kids, (7) Oppositional Defiant Disorder, (8) Sibling Rivalry, (9) Overweight teens and children, (10) Lying

For those that don't have time to read, this is the perfect book for you since it is not the type of book you sit down to read. As parenting questions come up, you can go straight to the index and find the page number. Immediately you will see the pages divided by boxes, quick tips and advice and easy to read and understand resources. Did I mention she also gives you proven research and statistics?

Order The BIG BOOK of Parenting Solutions today! Whether it is for yourself or as a gift, you won't be disappointed.

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