Entitlement: Tips How Not to Spoil Your Kids

Entitlement issues--many teens seem to have this problem today.  It starts from infancy.

When your child is an infant, you may be warned that you can “spoil” her by holding and cuddling her too much. While experts like attachment parenting guru Dr. Sears insist that there’s no such thing as a spoiled infant, it is true that children can develop a sense of entitlement or a lack of gratitude as they get older. For many parents, avoiding the label of “spoiled,” which is often applied to children who exhibit signs of being self-absorbed, having an attitude of entitlement, or are patently ungrateful for the things they have is an important part of their approach to parenting.

Think Before You Buy
When your toddler is on the verge of a tantrum because he wants a new toy or an older child is pleading for candy at the checkout line, think twice before making those purchases. Sending your toddler the message that screaming and crying is an effective way to get what she wants will only reinforce that behavior, making it more difficult to correct as time passes. Letting older children know that they can purchase the candy themselves with their own money, take on extra chores to pay you back for the difference, or find a way to earn money for the candy on their own may leave them frustrated, but it will also help them to understand that material goods must be purchased with money that’s been honestly earned, rather than simply expecting them to be bestowed upon request.
Make a Point of Delaying Gratification
Even though a child may act like the world will end if he doesn’t get the new video game that all of his friends are playing the day it’s released, you can assure him that it won’t. Letting him know that he can, and will have to, wait until his birthday or a gift-giving holiday has arrived, or until such time as he’s earned the money to make that purchase himself, can help to prevent the sense of entitlement that kids can acquire when all of their demands are instantly met.
Don’t Concede to Demands for Immediate Attention
When a newborn cries, it’s because she’s in need of food, a diaper change or attention. Small babies should get the attention that they need immediately, but that doesn’t hold true as kids get older. Dropping everything to attend to your child’s demands for attention, such as putting a telephone call on hold or abandoning what you’re doing as a concession to your child can send the message that everything should be put on hold when he deems it so, an attitude that won’t get him far as an adult. Talking about the importance of waiting patiently for his turn to speak or being respectful of other people’s feelings and boundaries can help to reinforce this concept.
Talk About Sharing and Charitable Giving
Teaching kids to share typically starts during toddlerhood; earlier for children in center-based daycare or other group settings. The concept of sharing may be fairly well ingrained in your child, but it does no good if he refuses to practice it. Working on the importance of sharing, along with helping the less fortunate and charitable giving, can help to instill a sense of gratitude that’s missing in most “spoiled” children.
Set Limits, and Don’t Give In
Once you’ve set limits regarding acceptable behavior, gift-giving practices or completing tasks set before your children, it’s important that you adhere to those limits and refuse to give in. Sending the message that unpleasant tasks can be avoided by pleading, cajoling or throwing an outright tantrum does not help your children learn the skills they’ll need to be functioning members of the adult society, and will not help to curb a sense of entitlement or ingratitude in the slightest.
Give Kids Chores and Responsibilities
Instituting a policy of chore completion in exchange for a weekly allowance or simply giving children household tasks to complete as an exercise in responsibility are great ways to help your children understand not only how much work goes into maintaining their living space, but also that money and material goods must be earned through hard work and effort, rather than expected simply because they feel that they deserve them. Withholding rewards or allowances in exchange for failure to complete those tasks can also be an effective lesson about earning money and being responsible.
Overly permissive parenting styles can make it difficult for children to understand the importance of hard work, the disappointment of failure and the difficulty of managing their own problems.
As childhood turns into the teenage years and teenagers become young adults, their lack of real-life coping and management skills can be quite apparent. While it may seem a bit harsh to some parents to insist that kids earn the things they want and share them with others, it can make for stronger, more independent adults.

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MATERIALISTIC KIDS on the rise! Real Parenting Solutions to Troubling Youth Trends–What Parents Can Do to Fix It

Dr. Michele Borba, Parenting Expert and Today Show Contributor recently launched her BIG Book of Parenting Solutions. This is simply amazing, over 600 pages of sound advice, researched tips and helps you to be a better parent!

Here is an excerpt from her book and Blog.

REALITY CHECK: Sure, it’s a recession, but it doesn’t mean our kids still aren’t money conscious and it starts early. Almost two thirds of moms of toddlers admit their kids are already brand conscious. Today let’s take on the third in our series of troubling youth trends: MATERIALISM.

We’re all trying to save money these days, but tell that to the kids. They’re still trying to keep up with the latest trends, toys, and fashion. Despite our own money consciousness in today’s economic hardships, studies show our kids are still more materialistic than previous generations. Not only are kids more materialistic but they are also more brand conscious. Tighter times may put a damper on the wallet strings but their outlook on life still seems to be that fame & money is the golden ring to grab onto. But what’s especially troubling is a recent survey found that 89 percent of adults admit that kids are far more materialistic at younger ages than in years past.

Of course, we love our kids are want them to have the best. But money isn’t the answer. In fact, studies also show that the more materialistic the child, the less happy she is and the lower her self-esteem.

One of the 101 issues I address in The Big Book of Parenting Solutions is Materialism (as well as Selfish and Spoiled and Money). I’ll give you specific solutions based on the lastest research to help you turn this troubling trend around, and pronto. (Those of you with a copy of the book and following along on these makeovers with me turn ASAP to Money on page 559, roll up your sleeves and start parenting for this change).

As I wrote this book I devoured the best research and late-breaking studies to find only the best solutions for this troubling issues. I was fascinated with one study with tweens from the University of Minnesota in particular. So simple, so profound, and significant results! (What I called “Results-Driven Parenting.”)



~ BOOST KIDS INNER QUALITIES AND DON’T FOCUS ON THE MATERIAL QUALITIES

University of Minnesota researchers found a quick solution to turn materialism around is to compliment your child’s INSIDE qualities instead of focusing on appearance or things. Simple but effective. The more those sincere, genuine, and specific compliments were geared at the child’s “inside” strengths, the less the child had to focus on purchasing things to boost their “outside” appearance. (See The Big Book of Parenting Solutions page 185 for more specific tips and dozens of other solutions.)

So to start using this simple solution, find a real and deserved quality your child deserves recognition for (maybe she is respectful, kind or fair). And then start boosting it. The study found the more you focus on a child’s inside strengths, the less the kid needs to show off what he wears or has on the outside. Your goal:

~ TRY TO CONVEY THE MESSAGE TO YOUR CHILD: “WHO YOU ARE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN WHAT YOU OWN”

Besides common sense parenting techniques of putting away your wallet, not being afraid to say no, spending more time than money on your kids, reducing the hoarding, and watching what you model, use the science-based technique from the University of Minnesota: praise your child’s inside qualities.

There are dozens of other simple, practical and proven solutions to counter this third troubling trend in The Big Book of Parenting Solutions. My goal is to offer dozens of strategies for you to try. Your job is to choose the one that works best for your family. And then please stick with it until you reap the change you seek. After all, your only barometer of good parenting is for your child to act right without you. That means you need to parent for REAL and LASTING CHANGE.

If you need any other reason to put away your wallet and work on turning your kid’s materialistic streak around, read this: The University of Minnesota found that materialistic kids are less happy, more anxious, less able to handle adversity, less generous and charitable and feel less secure and have lower self-esteem. And materialistic kids have lower opinions of their parents and argue with them more.

Stay tuned. We’re taking on another troubling youth trend in the next blog. Meanwhile, go start complimenting your child’s inside strengths.

Visit http://www.micheleborba.com/

Sue Scheff: Teen Entitlement Issues

Does your teen have Entitlement Issues?

Does your teen expect more from you than they have earned or deserve?

Many parents only want the best for their children (usually more than they had growing up), but has this actually backfired on families?

In today’s society many teens have major entitlement issues. Many parents feel that giving their teen’s material items will somehow earn them respect. Quite frankly, the opposite occurs in most families. The more we give, the more our children expect and the less they respect us. We literally lose ourselves in buying our children’s love. At the end of the day, no one wins and life is a constant battle of anger, hopelessness, and debt.

While interviewing a young teen, she was recently given a new car – brand new – felt she deserved it since her parents gave her two used ones previously. She is only 17 years old and already controlling her household and believes she was entitled to this car. She shows no appreciation or respect to her parents. Simply, she deserved it. Can you imagine owning 3 cars by the age of 17, yet never buying one? This is an extreme example, but I am sure many parents can relate.

Entitlement issues can lead to serious problems. Teaching your child respect and responsibility should be priority. Although the issues may have started to escalate, as a parent, it is never too late to take control of the situation and say “no” when your teen feels they are entitled to a frivolous item or anything that is considered a privilege.

Life is about responsibility, as parents we need to teach our children responsibility – helping our children comes natural to us, however when it becomes excessive and the child doesn’t appreciate it, it is time to step back and evaluate your situation.

Learn more at http://www.helpyourteens.com/