Digital Parenting and Cell Phone Etiquette

Remember when phone etiquette simply referred to the rules regarding answering the home phone? Now that most people, including teens, have their own cell phones, phone etiquette has a whole new meaning. It includes courteously using a phone to talk, text and enjoy the other features of today’s smart phones.

Here are some rules to share with your teen to encourage him to be a responsible and polite phone user.

Turn off your phone when you’re having a face to face conversation with someone. The increased use of cell phones, tablets and laptops has taken a toll on personal communication skills. Many teens have a hard time putting their phones down and engaging in a real and sustained conversation with another person. It’s become harder and harder for parents, teachers, coaches and others to connect with teens in meaningful ways, and when they are able to it’s often cut short by technology. While being able to answer the phone every time someone calls is convenient, interrupting a face to face conversation for a phone chat is disrespectful.

Teach your teen to turn off his phone or set it to vibrate (and then ignore it!) when he’s involved in a face to face conversation. Help him understand that by giving someone his full attention, he’s sending the message that he genuinely cares about what the other person is saying. Imagine how great it would be to enjoy dinner with your teen without his phone ringing, beeping or vibrating every few minutes.

Remember that basic phone rules still apply. Although your teen will know most of the people calling him, he will still need to know how to correctly answer a phone call meant for another. Remind him to speak clearly, ask if he can take a message, repeat the message back to the caller and use “please” and “thank you.” As a follow up, he should get the message to the intended party as soon as possible.

Keep the volume down when in a public place. There are few things more annoying than someone loudly chatting away on a cell phone right next to you. Remind your teen that when he’s in a public place like a restaurant or movie theater, he’s sharing that space with a bunch of people who aren’t interested in his conversation. He should keep his voice lowered and step away from the crowd to talk. Some may still be able to hear him, but his phone conversation will be much less intrusive to others.

Keep it G rated. Teens often try out a wide variety of curse words and crude statements as they find their “voice.” Although it’s a natural part of the teen years, that doesn’t mean others should have to endure it. Let him know it’s unacceptable to use that type of language in any public conversation, especially if children or young adults are around.

Don’t talk or text and drive. Not only is this good etiquette, it’s also an essential safety measure. Talking or texting while driving continues to rise and continues to cause injuries and fatalities. Make this a clear and unwavering rule for your teen to keep him and others safe on the road. There are also plenty of hands-free options available today. Many newer cars are equipped with built in Bluetooth connectivity, which makes answering a call or text safer. However, it’s never a good idea for your teen’s attention to be anywhere but the road, so carefully consider if hands-free calling is well suited to your child.

Don’t take pictures or videos without permission. It’s easy to snap a picture or grab a video with today’s smartphone technology. But just because it’s possible, doesn’t mean it’s a good idea. Ask your teen to make sure she has permission from everyone she takes a picture or video of. Many people, including other teens, don’t want to be caught in what others might think are funny poses or situations. Posting inappropriate pictures and videos has become a signature of bullying, so it’s a sensitive topic. Even if your teen has the best intentions when using her smartphone camera, it could lead to problems.

It’s easy for teens to get off track when it comes to phone etiquette. They have fewer and fewer opportunities to learn and practice interpersonal communication skills in their everyday life, so it’s no surprise when phone skills fall by the wayside. A few quick conversations and limits around phone use can easily get your teen back on track.

Teens Sexting

Sexting is a topic that has been in the headlines and it isn't only about teens.  Adults are guilty of sending and receiving sexual content via digital devices.

What is sexting?

Sexting is the sending of sexually explicit photographs or messages via mobile phone.

Why does it matter when it comes to our teens:

In a technology world where anything can be copied, sent, posted, and seen by huge audiences, there's no such thing as being able to control information. The intention doesn't matter - even if a photo was taken and sent as a token of love, for example, the technology makes it possible for everyone to see your child's most intimate self.

In the hands of teens, when revealing photos are made public, the subject almost always ends up feeling humiliated. Furthermore, sending sexual images to minors is against the law, and some states have begun prosecuting kids for child pornography or felony obscenity.

What can parents do?

• Don't wait for an incident to happen to your child or your child's friend before you talk about the consequences of sexting. Sure, talking about sex or dating with teens can be uncomfortable, but it's better to have the talk before something happens.
• Remind your kids that once an image is sent, it can never be retrieved - and they will lose control of it. Ask teens how they would feel if their teachers, parents, or the entire school saw the picture, because that happens all the time.
• Talk about pressures to send revealing photos. Let teens know that you understand how they can be pushed or dared into sending something. Tell them that no matter how big the social pressure is, the potential social humiliation can be hundreds
  of times worse.
• Teach your children that the buck stops with them. If someone sends them a photo, they should delete it immediately. It's better to be part of the solution than the problem. Besides, if they do send it on, they're distributing pornography - and that's against the law.
• Check out ThatsNotCool.com. It's a fabulous site that gives kids the language and support to take texting and cell phone power back into their own hands. It's also a great resource for parents who are uncomfortable dealing directly with this issue.
  
  -Source Common Sense Media

Safer Internet Day 2014

Today digital parenting is considered part of raising our kids.  Especially with teenagers an all their gadgets.

Most teens are mobile now, and the ones with cell phones, 48% of them have data plans (internet).

It is more important than ever that parents discuss privacy concerns as well as their digital footprint.  From the moment your child is given a keypad, their future starts on the internet.

Safer Internet Day is about creating a better internet together!

Safer Internet Day (SID) is organized by Insafe in February of each year to promote safer and more responsible use of online technology and mobile phones, especially amongst children and young people across the world.

Does Your Teen or Tween Have Their First Cell Phone?

Tips to keep your kids and safe on their cell phone.

 

1. Be Aware of Surroundings

Emphasize to your child the importance of being aware of his/her surroundings. The element of surprise is a powerful tool. All of this new technology, cell phones and iPods, has created a diversion of sorts for criminals who are intent on performing an illicit or unlawful act. Cell phones are a distraction which detracts from a person’s attentiveness to their surroundings. When you are preoccupied with a phone conversation, you may not hear footsteps behind you or notice a person who seems to be just a little to interest in what you are doing. It is easier to overpower a person who is unaware than it is to face one who is prepared. While your child is absorbed in what the friend on the other end of the line is saying, a predator could be sneaking up behind them.
It isn’t just criminals your child must be concerned about. Talking on a cell phone while walking, bicycling, skateboarding, rip sticking or driving can be a hazard. It is important to pay attention to traffic when performing any of these actions near a roadway. If your child becomes too wrapped up in a conversation on the cell phone, he/she may not notice the car coming down the road. Your child should know they cannot rely on the drivers to notice their presence. Drivers have to divide their attention among too many things while on the road. If your child isn’t paying attention and steps or rides in front of a vehicle, the results could be devastating.

2. Parental safety controls

Take time to carefully consider which cell phone to purchase for your child. Choose a cell phone with parental safety controls. Programmable cell phones allow you to decide who your child can receive phone calls from and who they are permitted to call. You can set the numbers in their cell phone and eliminate the opportunity for someone to whom your child should not be speaking to call or be called from the cell phone. No need to worry about a wrong number resulting in an undesirable friendship. Some experts recommend you don’t buy a cell phone with a camera. There really is no reason your child’s phone must have a camera on it. You won’t have to worry about inappropriate images (i.e. nude photos of your child) being sent.

3. Limit Internet Access

Purchase a cell phone that doesn’t provide access to the internet. In all likelihood, your child already has a computer at home or school with internet access. It isn’t necessary for them to have the internet on the cell phone also. Not only can accessing the internet on a cell phone be extremely costly without a data plan, but it also provides another window for predators to reach out to your child. Everything that can be done on a computer through the internet can also be done on a cell phone. Instant messaging, emails, blogging on MySpace or any of the other social sites are all available with internet access on a cell phone. The difference between a cell phone and the computer is the level of privacy afforded with a cell phone. A computer can be kept in a common area so that you can monitor what your child is doing on the internet and to whom they are talking. On a cell phone, these activities can be done with you none the wiser.

4. Never talk to strangers.

Though you probably already gave this advice to them when they were young, as your children grow older they lose some of their fear of the people they don’t know and often need to be reminded that this rule still stands. Developing new friendships is exciting for the younger generations. In their excitement over the prospect of earning a new friend and the ensuing efforts to impress the person, children often forget their basic training from their early years. Their growing confidence in their own ability to recognize danger often leaves them vulnerable. Children are generally not skilled in recognizing danger in unfamiliar people. They don’t realize that predators are skillfully adept at blending in and appearing harmless. These predators are truly the proverbial wolf in sheep’s clothing, patiently developing friendships over time with the intent of eventually luring your child into a face-to-face meeting. A reminder of such facts could prevent a tragedy.

5. Discuss Sexting

Sexting, for those of you who don’t know, is the act of sending sexually graphic pictures or messages from one cell phone to another. The most common instances of sexting in the younger set involve sending pictures of themselves in provocative clothing or completely nude. It is important that you discuss this practice with your child and let them know in no uncertain terms that it is not allowed and will not be tolerated. If you are afraid to bring this subject to their attention in case your child doesn’t already know what it is, don’t. You can be assured that your child is already familiar with it. You will not be teaching them about something they don’t already know about. Don’t wait until you see evidence that your child is engaging in this practice before establishing this rule. If you avoid this discussion because of a fear that you will be informing your child about something of which they know nothing about, you run the risk of them facing serious consequences.
This trend has become so prevalent it has even caught the attention of legislators. Lawmakers have begun to draft and create legislation making the act a prosecutable offense. Some have gone as far as to label it a child pornography offense with an equal punishment. These new laws are not arbitrary legislation created for the purpose of appearances; individuals caught engaging in sexting have already been prosecuted for the crime of distributing child pornography. Distribution doesn’t even require that you take the picture in order for you to be prosecuted under such a law; it only requires that you send it. So if your child receives one of these graphic sexting messages and forwards it to a friend for a laugh, your child could face prosecution. Explaining all of this to your child could save both of you a lot of heartache.

6. Cell Phone Monitoring Software

Purchase a subscription to a cell phone monitoring program or software. My Mobile Watchdog is one such service. It monitors all of your child’s cell phone activity and allows you to view it online. It is not done secretly so you will have to let your child know you are monitoring them. The website allows you to preset which phone numbers are trusted or unapproved to contact your child. There is also an assigned setting for suspicious. Alerts are sent out to warn you when an unapproved, suspicious or unknown person attempts contact. You also have access to a transcript of every text message your child sends and receive. You can read the entire content and see the phone numbers associated with the messages. You also have the option of printing the reports if you needed. You can also view every picture sent or received from the cell phone. The website also offers practical tools such as appointment and task reminders.

7. Keep Tabs On Cell Phone Activity

Check your child’s cell phone and activity regularly. If a subscription to a cell phone monitoring website is not in your budget or just isn’t something you choose to do, then you should check your child’s cell phone and activity regularly. Do not warn your child in advance or check the cell phone at the same time every week as that will give them an opportunity to clean the contents. Random checks will allow you to read the text messages going out or coming in as well as to see what pictures are being sent and received. You can also check the phone number on the incoming and outgoing call lists to see who is calling and at what times. Most cell phone providers make this information available to their customers online. Though it may be perceived by your child as an invasion of their privacy, explain that is not your intent. It isn’t that you distrust your child; you are only trying to protect them. If this is always the rule from a young age and treated matter-of-factly, then privacy may never even become an issue.

8. Don’t Disclose Private Information

Advise your child to be careful about what information is discussed in public. A person who is looking to do someone harm will eavesdrop on public conversations to gather any information which might be useful. Private and personal information can be used at a later time to gain your child’s trust. Once again, predators are devious creatures practiced at developing illicit relationships. Having personal information about your child will assist these types of people in forging a friendship based on common interests. It can also reveal places where the predator can plan ‘chance’ meetings with your child. Discussions about the school they attend, activities they participate in, or places they frequent can supply a wealth of information to the wrong persons.
Identity theft is another concern. Your child may be too young to have need for credit lines, loans and/or credit cards, but there are plenty of dishonest people who are old enough to find them useful. Even with limited information, a motivated criminal can find a way to obtain the remainder of the information they would need to use it to their full advantage. Your child is too young to understand the deviousness and conniving of these types of individuals and just how damaging their actions can be, but they would learn quickly when they eventually get out on their own and discover their identity has been stolen. The process of repairing the damage is time consuming and often costly. Identity theft usually leaves residual stain which cannot be completely eliminated. Teach your child to limit public calls on their cell phones to general conversations and leave the private conversations for times when they are, well, in private.

9. Be Respectful In Public

Teach your child to try to be respectful of others when using your cell phone in public. Instances of violence relating to cell phone usage are becoming more commonplace. The latest news reports of violent acts being committed as a result of someone’s inconsiderate use of a cell phone are becoming more prevalent. The public is becoming less tolerant of the lack of courtesy which is evident in the way the public is responding to these reports. The individuals committing the violent acts are being commended by the public. And as cell phone courtesy is becoming more of a point of contention, these incidents have the potential to become more commonplace.
Protect your child from cell phone violence as you would from road rage. Explain that being courteous when using a cell phone is important. For example, tell your child that the cell phone ringer should not be turned on while in a movie theater and of course should not be answered either. If a call comes through which must be answered, they should leave the theater and answer it in a hallway. Though something so simple may not seem all that important to a self centered teen or preteen, as a parent you know that to some people it is worthy of violence in the same way that being cut off in traffic is for the same person. A courtesy reminder could help protect your child from senseless violence and will ensure they remember their manners.

10. Place a curfew on cell phone usage.

Children despise curfews, but they are in place for a reason. A telephone curfew is nothing new. Many of us had such curfews on our home phones when we were younger. Phone calls were not permitted during or after certain times. Just because the phones are now mobile doesn’t mean this practice is now irrelevant. The same reasons that a curfew was important when we were young still apply. Late night phone calls interfere with sleep, studying and can lead to trouble. Prank calls and texts are more likely to occur after bedtime. It’s all coming back to you now, isn’t it? Sexting is easier at night, also. Think of all the trouble which can be curtailed if you have possession of the cell phone after hours. A curfew is an effective method of preventing trouble. And it will provide an opportunity for a quick look at the content of your child’s cell phone.

11. Have a plan for unusual calls of text messages

Encourage your child to talk to you about any concerning phone calls or text messages they may receive. It is important that your child knows what to do in the event that he/she receives harassing phone calls on the cell phone. Any type of threatening or bullying phone calls or text messages should be reported to you so that you can help them decide how best to handle the situation. This includes sexually inappropriate pictures, messages, or requests. If something like this occurs there are a few options available to you and your child. You can contact your cell phone provider and ask to have the number changed. Most providers will do this at least once free of charge. You can also request that text messages be blocked from the cell phone. Though it will be an inconvenience since this action will block all text messages from coming through, this is an effective method of stopping offensive texts from being sent. After a couple of weeks of unsuccessful attempts, the person sending will grow tired of the constant rebuffs and quit trying. You can always have the service reactivated.
Technology is rapidly evolving and will continue to do so. You have to be prepared to adapt your rules accordingly. Remember that criminals are not intimidated by technology and are using it to find easier ways to find victims. They are just waiting for opportunity to present itself. And criminals are not the only danger from which your child needs protection. Your child depends on you to lead them away from trouble, even if they do not always appreciate your guidance. You do not need to be an expert in the use of technology to establish relevant, general rules. Don’t use inexperience as an excuse.


A few basic steps and rules could help protect your child from danger and you from heartbreak.

Parenting Tips for Smartphones and Kids

How many kids and teens received smartphones over the holiday season?

Chances are you know someone who got a cool new smartphone or tablet over the holidays, most likely a teen or tween! But most of us don’t have time to go through the entire instruction booklet to figure out the device. 

Below are seven easy steps you can use for any device to make their smartphone smarter.

AT&T Smartphone/Tablet Tips: 

1) Email set-up, 2) Network check, 3) Wi-Fi settings, 4) Maximize battery, 5) Settings & notifications, 6) AT&T apps & services, and 7) Accessories.

Let’s take them one at a time.

Email Set-Up. Pull vs. push. Pull email allows for a scheduled time the device will go out and find new emails instead of emails being constantly pushed to your device.  Setting emails to the “pull setting” will help with overall battery life. 

Network Check. Make sure you know which network you are using. For example, AT&T’s 4G LTE network lets you surf the Internet and talk at the same time- great for multi-tasking – or you might be able to switch to Wi-Fi.

Wi-Fi Settings. Most devices are Wi-Fi enabled and by using this network setting you can improve battery performance.  AT&T operates the nation’s largest 4G network and provides access to nearly 225,000 hotspots globally through roaming agreements. Most AT&T smartphone customers get access to its  national Wi-Fi network at no additional cost, and Wi-Fi usage doesn’t count against customers’ monthly wireless data plans.

Maximize your battery. For most devices, you can adjust the screen brightness, manually place the phone into sleep mode and turn on the battery saver—which all leads to better battery and phone performance.

Settings & Notifications. By limiting or turning off all applications that have alerts you will help improve device functionally and performance.

Apps and Services: Check out your carrier’s apps and services. For example, AT&T has Rollover Minutes letting you rollover unused minutes from month to month for a year. AT&T also has Family Map which helps parents keep track of where their child’s cell phone is via their smartphone or PC, or wireless phone insurance which can save you some big bucks if you leave your shiny new device in a cab.

Accessories. Take the time to check out which accessories come with your device. The right Bluetooth, car charger or screen protector can be worth it.

Operating system.   Stay current with any upgrades to the operating system for your smartphone or tablet. Pay attention to software updates that pop on the screen of your device or PC when you synch the device. For example by downloading Zune software, you’ll be kept up to date on the latest phone offerings.

Source: AT&T

Cell Phones and Teens: Do they Need Them?

A debate that can depend on the child?

A debate that can depend on the age of the child?
A debate that can depend on the maturity of the child?
A debate that can depend on the family and their beliefs?

The debate regarding the necessity of mobile phones for children continues to rage on as kids demand cell phones at younger and younger ages. Many parents, however, believe that cell phones are a non-essential luxury that can be reserved until a certain age; others feel that in this day and age, mobiles are an important asset for everyone, children included.

In this article, we’ll look at 10 reasons why your kid can do without a mobile:

1. Children shouldn’t be any place where there isn’t responsible adult supervision – Any time children aren’t within the care of their parents there should always be someone old enough to watch the kids with them. There is no need for them to carry their own personal phones when they and their parents adhere to this simple common sense policy, which has worked for centuries.
2. What children actually use phones for varies greatly from why the phone was initially bought – Children are using these phones for everything but the emergencies that parents use as a rationale for equipping them with mobiles in the first place. Facebook won’t help in an emergency, and neither will Angry Birds. And who texts an emergency message anyway?
3. The phones being purchased for emergency situations are coming equipped with the latest technology – Most parents who argue that the phone is a safety measure for their child wind up spending a bundle on web access and texting service for their kids’ phones, both of which are totally unnecessary for their supposed purpose.
4. Cell phones are becoming less a help and more a hindrance – Kids spend time on their mobile phones that could and should be spent more productively. Given the state of education in this country, the time is past due to eliminate distractions rather than hand them out to our kids.
5. Cell phones open gateways to trouble – Most of the dangers to their kids that parents are dealing with are related to the fact that their kids are in constant contact via cell phones. Cyber-bullying, sexting and other such issues are far more likely to put your child at risk than not having a cell phone.
6. Having the world at your fingertips can be a dangerous distraction – Cell phone use could in fact put your child at risk to the sort of perils that parents envision when they buy the kids phones to begin with. Think about it: your child is too busy texting, surfing, or playing games that she becomes otherwise oblivious to her surroundings.
7. They cause a dependence on constant connection – It isn’t healthy for kids to remain so dependent on constant connectivity in order to function. Kids need to develop independence and the capacity for responsible decision-making without supervision.
8. They have a negative influence on productivity and learning – Kids are frequently using their cell phones, to their own detriment as well as others, at times and in places at which there is no need for them to have one, such as in school. Some schools, for this reason, have taken steps to ban them.
9. Cell phones encourage superficial relationships – Cell phone use inhibits social development. Kids become more reliant on their devices to communicate and spend less face time with friends and family as a result.
10. They make kids grow up too fast – Kids should be allowed to be kids. There will be plenty of years ahead when they will have jobs and responsibilities that might necessitate their having these electronic leashes. We should let them enjoy this time in their lives while they still can.

Source: Land Line Phone Service

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Holiday Gifts for Teens: New Study - Teens Prefer Cell Phones over a New Car!

Teenagers prefer smartphones to cars, according to research firm Gartner, highlighting the impact of technology on kids and the auto industry’s future challenges.

The study found 46 percent of young adults aged 18 to 24 prefer access to the Internet over access to their own car, and that teens drive less overall today than they did in past generations. Comparatively, only 15 percent of baby boomers said they would choose a mobile device over an automobile.

The advent of social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter is likely responsible, as they create an interactive, fun world that’s accessible anytime, from almost anywhere. For teenagers who want to stay connected to their friends, social networks provides an ideal platform for communication.

Public transportation and hitching rides from parents also give teenagers more time to stay connected to their social world via their smartphones, making driving seem an unnecessary hassle that interrupts their social life.

Thilo Koslowski, lead automotive analyst for Gartner, said, “Mobile devices, gadgets and the Internet are becoming must-have lifestyle products that convey status,” and devices “offer a degree of freedom and social reach that previously only the automobile offered.”

To keep up with the trend, the auto industry has gradually begun integrating smartphone-type features like built-in GPS devices, Bluetooth, and iPod docks into their newest car models. In the future, auto makers may increase such features in hopes of making cars more of a “must have” for teens.

“We are not looking at this to ask how we can get teens to buy a car versus an iPhone,” says K. Venkatesh Prasad, senior technical leader of open innovation at Ford. “Instead, the car has to become more than just a car. It has to become an experience.”

Parents, meanwhile, may sleep a little easier knowing their kids are at home and not out engaging in dangerous behaviors like texting while driving. The trend may also be easier on the family finances, as parents won’t be pressured to buy an expensive automobile for their teens.

However, concerns have been raised about whether social networking can ever truly replace face-to-face social interaction. Teens need a balance of online interaction and real time hanging out with friends. The balance can be difficult to attain, since the lure of social networks can be all-consuming.
The auto industry hopes the open road still holds a classic allure, but how teens navigate that road may change in the near future. Automatic Foursquare check-ins and voice recognition systems are already being tested in cars, marking a new trajectory for teens and the auto industry alike.

Source:  Mobiledia.

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Text Talk - What is your teen really saying?

Whether it is texting, instant messaging, or social networking – do you really know what your teenager is saying?  They seem to have their own language and codes for things parents may not approve of.
One of my favorite new sites is Enough is Enough! And how many times as parents do we say this?

Do you feel overwhelmed about protecting children from the dangers of the virtual world?

Who doesn’t?

When it comes to teens it can be more difficult and even more important to be a parent in the know.

Let’s start with 50 Acronyms Parents Should Know:
(Courtesy of Enough is Enough and NetLingo)

1. 8 - Oral sex
2. 1337 - Elite -or- leet -or- L337
3. 143 - I love you
4. 182 - I hate you
5. 1174 - Nude club
6. 420 - Marijuana
7. 459 - I love you
8. ADR - Address
9. AEAP - As Early As Possible
10. ALAP - As Late As Possible
11. ASL - Age/Sex/Location
12. CD9 - Code 9 – it means parents are around
13. C-P - Sleepy
14. F2F - Face-to-Face
15. GNOC - Get Naked On Cam
16. GYPO - Get Your Pants Off
17. HAK - Hugs And Kisses
18. ILU - I Love You
19. IWSN - I Want Sex Now
20. J/O - Jerking Off
21. KOTL - Kiss On The Lips
22. KFY -or- K4Y - Kiss For You
23. KPC - Keeping Parents Clueless
24. LMIRL - Let’s Meet In Real Life
25. MOOS - Member Of The Opposite Sex
26. MOSS - Member(s) Of The Same Sex
27. MorF - Male or Female
28. MOS - Mom Over Shoulder
29. MPFB - My Personal F*** Buddy
30. NALOPKT - Not A Lot Of People Know That
31. NIFOC - Nude In Front Of The computer
32. NMU - Not Much, You?
33. P911 - Parent Alert
34. PAL - Parents Are Listening
35. PAW - Parents Are Watching
36. PIR - Parent In Room
37. POS - Parent Over Shoulder -or- Piece Of Sh**
38. pron - porn
39. Q2C - Quick To Cum
40. RU/18 - Are You Over 18?
41. RUMORF - Are You Male OR Female?
42. RUH - Are You Horny?
43. S2R - Send To Receive
44. SorG - Straight or Gay
45. TDTM - Talk Dirty To Me
46. WTF - What The F***
47. WUF - Where You From
48. WYCM - Will You Call Me?
49. WYRN - What’s Your Real Name?
50. zerg - To gang up on someone

Be an educated parent – you will have safer teens!

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Teens and Cell Phones: Should Your Teen Have One?

This is a question many parents face as more and more tweens and teens are getting cell phones.

Is your teen ready for this responsibility?


Different families have come to different conclusions on this issue. In some families, every member of the family has their own cellphone, even kids that are not yet in their teen years. In other families, parents do feel it is necessary for their teenagers to own a cellphone.

Here are ten of the reasons parents have given for allowing their teens to have their own cellphones.

1. Emergencies – This is the biggest one, especially after a teen begins driving. They want their teens to have access to a phone if they should need it an emergency, such as an accident.
2. No excuses – Another reason is to eliminate the excuse for not calling home when they are going to be late or to ask permission about something. If they have a cellphone, they can’t use either of these excuses.
3. Busy schedules – Families have such busy schedules these days that it can be difficult to keep everything straight. It becomes a convenience issue for the parents. If the kids have cellphones, the parents can call to let them know if they are running late or if there’s been a change of plans, and vice versa.
4. Responsibility – Many parents use the cellphone as a tool for teaching personal responsibility. Kids are responsible for taking care of their phone and not losing or damaging it. They may also be given a limited number of minutes or text messages that they can use during the month and have to pay for overages themselves.
5. Texting – Much of today’s teenage communication goes on via text messaging rather than voice. A standard land line phone doesn’t have that option.
6. Phone conflict – If kids don’t have their own cellphones, then they are bound to be asking to borrow their parents on a regular basis. This can become an issue with teenagers who can often spend hours on the phone.
7. Babysitting – Teens who babysit sometimes will be in homes that no longer have a land line available for them to use while they are caring for the children. By having their own cellphone, they can call for help in an emergency and stay in contact with parents if necessary.
8. Privacy – The parents privacy, not theirs. If adults are sharing their cellphones with the kids, it eliminates their own privacy. Text messages they’ve received can be accessed by their kids, which is not always something a parent would want to happen.
9. Parental connection – Many kids have two homes to travel between after their parents divorce. Parents sometimes will provide their kids with a cellphone for their times when they are staying with the ex-spouse, to be assured on continued contact.
10. Savings – At times parents can find that giving their children their own cellphones is a cheaper alternative than simply sharing their phones with them. Check out special family plans to see what is available on your network.

This is a very individual subject. What is right for one child, may not be right for another. Each family needs to way out their own decision on the matter.

We also want to point out that we did make an argument for teen not getting a cell phone that you might find interesting.

Source:  Phone Service

Continue reading on Examiner.com Should your teen have a cell phone? - Fort Lauderdale Parenting Teens | Examiner.com http://www.examiner.com/parenting-teens-in-fort-lauderdale/should-your-teen-have-a-cell-phone#ixzz1Pp5Vutwt

Texting Wars: Girls verses Boys - Who Texts More?

One in three teens sends more than 100 text messages a day, or 3000 texts a month.
Daily text messaging by teens to friends has increased rapidly since early 2008. Some 38% of teens were daily texters in February 2008, and that has risen to 54% of teens who use text daily in September 2009. Of the 75% of teens who own cell phones, 87% use text messaging at least occasionally.  

Among those teen texters:

• Half of teens send 50 or more text messages a day, or 1,500 texts a month, and one in three send more than 100 texts a day, or more than 3,000 texts a month.
• 15% of teens who are texters send more than 200 texts a day, or more than 6,000 texts a month.
• Boys typically send and receive 30 texts a day; girls typically send and receive 80 messages per day.
• Teen texters ages 12-13 typically send and receive 20 texts a day.
• 14-17 year-old texters typically send and receive 60 text messages a day.
• Older girls who text are the most active, with 14-17 year-old girls typically sending 100 or more messages a day or more than 3,000 texts a month.
• However, while many teens are avid texters, a substantial minority are not. One-fifth of teen texters (22%) send and receive just one to 10 texts a day or 30 to 300 texts a month.

Girls more fully embrace most aspects of cell phone-based communication.
As we see with other communicative technologies and applications, girls are more likely than boys to use both text messaging and voice calling and are likely to do each more frequently.

• Girls typically send and receive 80 texts a day; boys send and receive 30.
• 86% of girls text message friends several times a day; 64% of boys do the same.
• 59% of girls call friends on their cell phone every day; 42% of boys call friends daily on their cell phone daily.

Girls are also more likely than boys to text for social reasons, to text privately and to text about school work.

• 59% of girls text several times a day to "just say hello and chat"; 42% of boys do so.
• 84% of girls have long text exchanges on personal matters; 67% of boys have similar exchanges.
• 76% of girls text about school work, while 64% of boys text about school.

Source: PEW Research

Duval, Clay and St. Johns County, as well as the entire First Coast of Florida is part of The Great Hang-Up.  Distracted driving kills.  There is no text worth losing your life over.  During this holiday season and all year round, talk to your young teen drivers about the dangers of texting and driving.

Florida teens have put together a group of PSA (Public Service Announcements) to spread the word about the dangers of texting and driving.  Watch and vote today. Click here.  Definitely worth watching and encourage your teens to watch too.

Be an educated parent, you will have safer teens.

Read more.

Sue Scheff: Sex, tech and teens - What parents need to know

S-E-X, this is one of the most difficult and sensitive subjects parents dread to talk to their kids about, but it is also just as critical. Now let's compound it with technology and teens and we can create sexting!

The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy and Cosmo Girl have recently released the results of a new survey. Results from this new survey show that 21% of teen girls and 18% of teen boys have sent/ posted nude or semi-nude images of themselves. What is going on with teens, tech, and sex?

Tips for parents from the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy include:

1. Talk to your kids about what they are doing in cyberspace. Just as you need to talk openly and honestly with your kids about real life sex and relationships, you also want to discuss online and cell phone activity. Read more.

2. Know who your kids are communicating with. Of course it's a given that you want to know who your children are spending time with when they leave the house. Read more.

3. Consider limitations on electronic communication.The days of having to talk on the phone in the kitchen in front of the whole family are long gone, but you can still limit the time your kids spend online and on the phone. Read more.

4. Be aware of what your teens are posting publicly. Check out your teen's MySpace, Facebook and other public online profiles from time to time. This isn't snooping-this is information your kids are making public. Read more.

5. Set expectations. Make sure you are clear with your teen about what you consider appropriate "electronic" behavior. Read more.

More articles of interest:

Should you read your teen's diary?
Should you read your teen's emails and text messages?
Is honestly the best policy?
Not my kid
Nastygrams: Think before you send

Learn what teens need to know!

Be an educated parent, you will have safer teens.

Sue Scheff: Teens, Cell Phones, Driving, Texting Talking - All Can Lead to Deadly Results

I don't think we can hear enough about cell phones and driving.  Whether it is teens or adults, texting, talking on the  phone, and driving can lead to deadly results.  No text is worth dying over!  No phone call is worth losing  a loved one over!

More Teens Dial and Drive

Source: Connect with Kids

“I was like, 'oh my God, I'm gonna die.'
So I sat back up and the phone stopped ringing. It could have been bad.”

– Katie, Age 17

Seventeen-year old Katie once had a close call. Her cell phone rang and she leaned down to answer it.

"It was rolling all over the place," Katie says, "and I heard all this honking and stuff and I was like 'what's going on?' So I sat back up and I was (very close) to the median."

Katie learned her lesson. She now uses a hands-free device.

Still, many other teen drivers are willing to take their chances despite the potential danger of using a cell phone while driving. "I know it is (dangerous) but I think I'm a pretty good driver," says 17-year-old A'sari. "I can handle doing two things at once."

A survey by the Allstate Foundation reports that more girls admit to texting while driving, speeding, and driving aggressively... compared to boys. All of which increases the chances that a girl will get hurt... hurt someone else... or both.

Experts say parents should teach their kids responsible driving. "We need to impress upon them their safety is of importance to us," says Robert Wilson, with the National Safety Council. "Any rules or regulations imposed by their parents or law enforcement is not to punish them but to help them survive their teenage years and become young adults."

Wilson says cell phones aren't the only distraction. Music, food and even other passengers can divert a young driver's attention. He says parents should urge their kids to focus on what is really important behind the wheel. "If a situation does require you to take your eyes off the road, pull over, save those few seconds. It might save your life."

Cell Phone Risks

Several towns, cities and states have already restricted the use of handheld cellular phones while driving. The laws are in response to the growing number of cell phones owned by Americans and a widely held belief that dialing and texting while driving can be dangerous. (Several nations also restrict cell phone use while driving: Australia, Japan, France, Italy, Portugal, Spain, Sweden and Switzerland.) Not much research has been conducted into the risks of driving and cell phone use, but one study by the Harvard Center for Risk Analysis (commissioned by A T & T Wireless Communications), reached the following conclusions:

■Cellular phone use while driving poses a risk to the driver, to other motorists, and to pedestrians.
■The risks appear to be small compared to other daily risks but are uncertain because existing research is limited and uneven in quality.

Cell phone driving statistics:

■Distraction from cell phone use while driving (hand held or hands free) extends a driver's reaction as much as having a blood alcohol concentration at the legal limit of .08 percent. (University of Utah)
■The No.1 source of driver inattention is use of a wireless device. (Virginia Tech/NHTSA)
■Drivers that use cell phones are four times as likely to get into crashes serious enough to injure themselves. (NHTSA, Insurance Institute for Highway Safety)
■10 percent of drivers aged 16 to 24 years old are on their phone at any one time.
■Driving while distracted is a factor in 25 percent of police reported crashes.
■Driving while using a cell phone reduces the amount of brain activity associated with driving by 37 percent (Carnegie Mellon University)

Tips for Parents
In light of the risks of cell phone use while driving, parents may want to consider placing their own restrictions on 'dialing and driving' and especially "texting and driving." In addition to limiting cell phone use in cars, there are other things parents can do to help keep teen drivers safe. The Insurance Institute for Highway Safety recommends the following:

■Restrict nighttime driving. The majority of fatal accidents involving teenagers occur between the hours of 9 p.m. and midnight.
■Restrict passengers. Teen passengers in a vehicle can easily distract a beginning driver. 62% of teen passenger deaths occur in crashes with a teen driver. While night driving with passengers is particularly lethal, many fatal crashes with teen passengers occur during the day. The best policy is to restrict teen passengers, especially multiple teens, all the time.
■Supervise practice driving. Take an active role in helping your teenager learn how to drive.
■Remember you are a role model. New drivers learn a lot by example, so practice safe driving yourself.
■Require safety belt use. Remember that belt use is lower among teenagers than older people. Insist on belts at all times.
■Prohibit driving after drinking. Make it clear that it's illegal and highly dangerous for a teenager to drive after drinking. Even small amounts of alcohol are impairing for teens.
■Choose vehicles for safety, not image. Teenagers should drive vehicles that reduce their chances of a crash and offer protection if they do crash. Avoid trucks and sport utility vehicles—the smaller ones, especially, are prone to roll over.

References
■Harvard Center for Risk Analysis
■Insurance Institute for Highway Safety
■Wireless World Forum

Sue Scheff: Teens and Cell Phone Safety

Like Internet safety, as parents today, we need to be eduated on cell phone safety and our kids. Here are some great tips from Connect Safely. Take the time to be an educated parent.

Source: Connect Safely

Though teens make little distinction between fixed and mobile socializing, we adults still do. So here are some basic ideas for safe socializing on phones as well as the Web that we hope will work for both generations.

Smart socializing. Use the same good sense about what you post from your phone as from a computer. Once they’re posted, text, photos, and video are tough to take back, can be copied and pasted elsewhere, and are up there pretty much forever. Think about the people in them (including you!). Reputations are at stake, and even more if nudity or sex is involved.

Bullying by phone. Because people socialize on cellphones as much as online, cyberbullying can be mobile too. Treat people on phones and the Web the way you would in person, and the risk of being bullied goes down.

Sexting: It’s the same on phones as on the Web – do not take, send, post or even store on your phone nude photos of anyone under 18. You could be charged with production, distribution, or possession of child pornography, a serious crime. You could also be subjected to jokes, bullying, blackmail, expulsion from school, loss of a job, etc. and the images can circulate forever.

The value of “presence.” If you do a lot of texting, consider the impact that being “elsewhere” might be having on the people around you. Your presence during meals, at parties, in the car, etc. is not only polite, it’s a sign of respect and appreciated.

Down time is good. Constant texting and talking can affect sleep, concentration, school, and other things that deserve your thought and focus. Real friends understand there are times you just need to turn off the phone – harassment can happen between midnight and morning too.

Social mapping. Most cellphones now have GPS technology and there are a growing number of services that allow friends to pinpoint each other’s physical location. If you use such a service, do so only with friends you know in person, and get to know the service’s privacy features!

Reprinted with permission from Connect Safely

Learn more at http://www.connectsafely.org

Sue Scheff: Is Your Child Sexting?

Is Your Child Sexting? What Parents Need to Know

Source: Education.com
By Rose Garrett

Parents may never have heard of it, but surveys show that 20 to 60 percent of teens are doing it: “sexting”. While this troubling trend continues full speed ahead, parents, teachers and lawmakers are struggling to react appropriately to the phenomenon that puts kids at risk for exploitation, harassment, and even felony charges.

What is sexting? A combination of the words “sex” and “text messaging,” “sexting” is the sending of sexually provocative messages or visual images to and from cell phones and computers. Kids as young as 9 years old may be doing in it, according to the research of Susan Lipkins, a psychologist specializing in bullying and hazing.

Some teens and young adults use sexting to flirt, others to have fun or be funny, and still others to gain recognition, improve their social status, or hurt or harass. “Sometimes it's gossip, sometimes it's a mating call, sometimes it's sexual harassment,” says Lipkins, who urges a nuanced view of the phenomenon.

“It's an abrupt change that's uncomfortable and scary to adults,” she concedes, but says parents need to look at the trend as an expression of larger changes in the way teens and young adults relate sexually. “It's really an expression of the kinds of sexual behavior they're having,” she says, noting that young people today may be more interested in casual sex than relationships, in contrast with past generations. “Many girls are not looking for a relationship: they're looking for experience and looking for freedom. Sexting is just a reflection of what's actually going on.”

Sexting makes use of cell phone and computer technology to send sexually provocative images and messages, and with increased accessibility comes greatly increased risk. Gone are the days of a girl slipping a suggestive Polaroid photo to her boyfriend: now, provocative photos sent in private can be forwarded to the entire school body after a break-up, posted online, and available in perpetuity over the Internet. That's exactly what happened to 18-year-old Jessica Logan, who committed suicide on July 3, 2008 after her ex-boyfriend forwarded nude images she had sent him to hundreds in their high school.

Emotional trauma is just one of the dangers associated with sexting behavior. Several teens across the country are now facing child pornography charges for sending or receiving sexually provocative images of themselves or peers. In Wyoming, three high school girls have been threatened with child pornography charges over digital photos in which they appear topless or in their underwear, and similar cases have appeared across the country, with charges ranging from misdemeanor to felony obscenity.

"Kids should be taught that sharing digitized images of themselves in embarrassing or compromised positions can have bad consequences, but prosecutors should not be using heavy artillery like child-pornography charges to teach them that lesson," said Witold Walczak, Legal Director for the ACLU of Pennsylvania, which has filed a lawsuit against the Wyoming County district attorney. "Child pornography is a terrible crime that involves the abuse and exploitation of children, neither of which exists here," said Walczak in an ACLU press release. "In many states these charges would land these kids on Megan's Law databases, with their pictures on Internet registries for ten years or more, and prevent them from getting many types of jobs.” That means that convicted teens could end up as registered sex offenders for the simple act of taking and sending photos of themselves.

While the legal system is slapping teens with outsized charges for sexting behavior, it's the real predators that we should be worried about, says Richard Guerry, Executive Director of the Institute for Responsible Online and Cell Phone Communication. Guerry warns that private videos and photos are increasingly becoming stolen fodder for sexually suggestive or explicit websites and blogs, even when the personal content is password protected or saved on a private hard drive.

The consequences of 'sextcasting', the wider dissemination of images and video across the Internet, are far more serious than those of simple camera-phone messaging, says Guerry. “Sexting is limited to cell-phones and is really a method of 'sextcasting,' which is a much larger issue.” Parents and lawmakers worried about sexting are already behind the times, says Guerry, who says that where previously parents worried about keeping kids from stumbling across online pornography sites, now they should be worrying about preventing children from becoming unwitting “content providers”.

It's easy to vilify sexting as an out-of-control trend to be stopped at all costs. But parents should consider sexting in the larger context of the changing sexual and technological attitudes of the next generation. “We need to really take a step back and and look at it and understand it,” says Lipkins, who thinks of sexting as a symptom, not a source, of teen sexual attitudes.

Lipkins says that prosecuting kids for sexting behavior is a misguided approach to a new problem that's best solved the old-fashioned way: by communicating with your child about risks and teaching responsible behavior. “Parents have to talk about sexting behavior as part of other behaviors, and really try to have kids learn how to navigate this world without us, because we're not going to be around forever,” says Lipkins. “We want kids to learn how to make healthy decisions on their own.”

Want to keep your child safe from sexting and its consequences?

Here's how to help:

Communication is Key

Kids probably won't respond well if you ask them pointblank, “Are you sexting?” In fact, many may not even recognize the term. Instead of grilling your child, keep informed about what's going on generally, from crushes and relationships to friendships and bullying. Many small conversations will give you a much better idea of your child's social life than one big interrogation, and you child will be more apt to talk to you if she feels you're consistently on the level. If you learn that your child is dating or engaging in sexual behaviors, have a frank talk about sex and include the topic of sexting. If not, make sure to have a discussion about bullying that addresses the issue of using text messages to harass or humiliate others.

Be Real About Risks

Teens are neurologically disposed to be more impulsive and less rational than adults, which makes it all the more important that they know the dangers of sexting. Although it might not be an easy conversation, parents should communicate to teens that school-wide embarrassment, legal consequences, and viral distribution across the Internet are among the very real risks of this seemingly inconsequential behavior. Stopping to think twice may make all the difference if your teen is thinking of pressing “send” on something she might regret.

Emphasize Empathy

Sexting isn't a two-way street: it's more like a multi-lane highway. That means that kids who may not be sending sexts are receiving them, forwarding them to others, and contributing to a potentially malicious environment of gossip and harassment. Urge your child to think before forwarding sexually provocative images of other people – how would he feel if that were his image instead of someone else's? Using empathy may help your teen make the decision to press “delete” instead of saving or forwarding.

Teach 21st Century Responsibility

Kids who may be model citizens offline can make big mistakes online, so it's important to stress that responsible behavior extends to the world of email, text messaging, video chatting and social networking. Make sure that your child knows that anything posted online, or sent via cell phones or email, can be saved, shared, and virally disseminated across the Internet. That means that friends, enemies, strangers, teachers, parents and future employers could potentially see your images and videos.

Parents should see sexting not as an isolated trend, but as a new expression, fueled by technology, of the social and sexual experimentation that has always characterized adolescence. That means that the best way for parents to keep kids safe is still to send a message of their own, which emphasizes responsibility, explains the risks, and keeps the lines of communication open.

Sue Scheff: Parent Alert: Teens and Porn

By Judith Newman
From Readers Digest
Photo-Illustration By Kevin Irby

My seven-year-old, Henry, can’t spell. Yet there’s one word he can spell perfectly. That word is boob. I discovered this last week when I gave him my iPhone to noodle around with. He told me he was playing on Disney’s Club Penguin, but when I turned on the phone later, the page that popped up was a porn site. When I confronted him, he looked at me very seriously and said, “Well, Mom, I’m extremely interested in the human body.”

This makes me laugh because he is seven. What’s not at all funny is what this incident says about the future. If the ability to spell one palindrome at his age can get him to one of the most explicit sites imaginable, how blasé will he be about porn by the time he’s a teenager? And how much of a leap is it to imagine my son getting into the latest teenage craze, so-called sexting—nude photos taken by teens and posted or sent to others over the Internet or cell phone? How long before he turns to me—as a friend’s 15-year-old did to her mother recently—and says, “Mom, it’s no big deal”?

Sexting is, in fact, a very big deal. Not because sexual curiosity and boundary pushing aren’t normal parts of growing up; they are. The thing is, on the Internet, nothing ever truly vanishes. Of course, it’s perfectly possible that a teen’s knuckleheaded homemade Girls Gone Wild moment sent to her boyfriend stays on his computer or cell phone forever, as precious to him as any 19th-century billet-doux. Then again, it is possible those photos will be sent to everyone she knows (and doesn’t know), will turn up as her first Google hit when she’s looking for a job, or, just maybe, will land her in jail.

Just a Click AwayKids as young as 11 and 12 have been discovered taking compromising photos of themselves and sending those shimmering pixels over their phones and computers. More than a few incidents have made the nightly news. In February, for example, a 15-year-old girl from central Pennsylvania faced charges for possessing, distributing, and creating child pornography after she sent topless photos of herself to a man on MySpace; the man, 27, was also charged. Last year, an 18-year-old Orlando, Florida, teen began serving five years’ probation and had to register as a sex offender after forwarding naked photos of his then-16-year-old ex-girlfriend to her friends, teachers, and relatives. And six middle school boys in Massachusetts were questioned by police after they passed around a picture of a half-naked 13-year-old classmate on their cells.

Surely this is just one of those salacious, overblown “trend” stories, right? There can’t be that many teenagers sending and receiving inappropriate photos of themselves.

Think again.

Last fall, the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy teamed with CosmoGirl.com to canvass 1,280 teenagers and young adults about their electronic activities. According to their survey, one in five girls (11 percent between 13 and 16) and 18 percent of teen boys have sent or posted nude or seminude pictures or videos of themselves. About 15 percent of senders forwarded photos to people they hadn’t actually met but knew only online. E-mails containing sexual come-ons are even more prevalent: About 39 percent have tapped out lurid e-mails and text messages.

Social networking sites such as Facebook and MySpace are lousy with pages that boast names like “I’ve Sent Naked Pictures of Myself Over the Phone” and “Practicing Safe Sexting.” (Sample rules: “Don’t get your phone taken away during school” and “Don’t get caught.”)

The age of the kids involved sometimes upsets the kids themselves. Monica D. (her name, and those of other minors in this story, have been changed) went to a Connecticut middle school where one giggling girl took a picture of her friend, 12, vamping naked while changing for dance class. They sent it to a friend as a joke, and the friend sent it to the entire school. A parent saw the image on her son’s computer and called the principal. The girl who sent the photo was suspended, and she eventually changed schools.

“But this is what shocked me,” says Monica. “Two months later, the girl who posed was at orchestra rehearsal, and she raised her hand and said, ‘I just lost a tooth.’ She was young enough to still have her baby teeth!”

Living Libido LocaThere is a me-me-ME quality to blogging, Facebooking, Twittering, and the like. And what could be more attention-grabbing to a teenager than taking your clothes off?

“It’s pretty appalling,” says Pamela Paul, the author of Pornified: How Pornography Is Transforming Our Lives, Our Relationships, and Our Families. “Among girls and boys, porn has become increasingly accepted, even kind of cool.”

And with “the American Idol-ization of the culture, where everyone can be a star,” she says, it’s almost inevitable that kids would be tempted to cross the line into interactive porn. “Every form of media has become interactive. Why shouldn’t porn be as well?” she laments.

The biggest technological facilitator of teen porn is the webcam. Making a video and then e-mailing it or uploading it to Facebook is as easy as pressing a button. That’s how one New York mother’s 15-year-old daughter got into trouble.

“Cheryl was upstairs in her bedroom with her laptop,” the mother begins. “A friend was sleeping over. I’d seen her do video chats plenty of times, and apart from language I disapprove of, I hadn’t thought of it as a big risk. So mostly I was alert to her staying up too late chatting with her friends.

“We’d gone to bed when I heard a thump from upstairs like someone jumping out of bed,” the mother continues. “I go up, and she immediately flips the laptop lid down. The girls—in bed, wearing jammies and cami tops—look guilty. I repossess the laptop and go downstairs. There’s a picture of the ‘I’ll show you mine if you’ll show me yours’ variety, only this is creepier because it’s of the two girls and they’d sent it to some teenage boy. There was even a script right out of a porn movie. Plus, she had screen shots of some naked boy on her desktop.”

The computer was confiscated, but by that point, it was too late. Those photos could turn up anywhere.

Why would kids take this kind of risk? “Teenagers are not exactly known for their great judgment,” notes Lawrence Balter, a professor of applied psychology at New York University. “They are sexual beings, of course, and they want to push the envelope. They’re playacting. And they’re impulsive. Generally, there’s not a lot of thought before hitting the send button.”
But there’s another aspect to sexting that many parents haven’t considered.

“Because it’s not exactly face-to-face—it’s visual, but the other person isn’t right there—a kid can be more revealing,” Balter continues. “It’s the distance that makes a kid feel both bolder and safer.”

Perception = RealityAnd now for some good news: Not every kid is a budding Jenna Jameson. According to the National Center for Health Statistics, promiscuous behavior is down. In 1991, 54.1 percent of 9th- through 12th-grade students said they’d had sexual intercourse. In 2007, that number was 47.8.

Could it be that sexting and Internet porn are substitutes for sexual acting-out in real life? Ralph DiClemente, a professor at the Rollins School of Public Health at Emory University, is trying to find out. He’s studying how exposure to sex on the Internet affects teens.

The results aren’t in yet, but DiClemente thinks he has relevant information from another study he conducted, on African American teenage girls and their exposure to rap music videos. Many of the videos are violent and misogynistic, he points out. “We wanted to know how this music affected the girls’ perceptions of themselves and women in their community.” He discovered that the girls who watched the most rap videos were more likely to binge drink, smoke pot, and have multiple sex partners. Distressing, too, was the teenagers’ belief that the scantily clad models and dancers in the videos were a lot like women in their community. “So their perception of what was real and what wasn’t was skewed,” says DiClemente.

Extrapolating from those results, DiClemente thinks that

1) kids are likely to believe more of what they see in the media than adults are,

2) they perceive people in porn to look and act just like you and me,

3) many kids see nothing abnormal about creating and/or starring in porn, and

4) their perceptions lead to behavior that is less than desirable.

Jay W., a freshman at Brown University, sees the same nonchalant attitudes toward sexting that DiClemente found in his study. “The first experience I had with sexting was a video my friend sent me when I was in ninth grade. It was of a naked girl, really young,” he says. And though he insists he didn’t do it himself, passing around nude photos of girlfriends was fairly common in Jay’s California school. “What I’ve seen has changed the way I think about sex,” he says. “Even at a younger age, I began to feel jaded and numbed out.”

Although Jay may have become inured to it all, some of the girls who posed found their new fame downright alluring. Notes Monica, the middle school student from Connecticut, “The girl who had her picture sent around the school was at the low end of the popular set. But once she took off her clothes, it upped her visibility. She got a lot more attention, from boys especially.” Just as there is no longer such a thing as bad publicity, apparently there is no such thing as bad attention in junior high school.

What Do We Do Now?“We live in a precarious society for young people,” says Michael Josephson, president of Character Counts, an organization that runs values-education programs.

“There are many ways they can damage themselves, the Internet being the most dangerous of all. Parents have a responsibility to know what children are doing on it.”

Fair enough. So how do we prevent our kids from becoming citizens, wittingly or unwittingly, of the vast pornopolis of American culture?

The most important thing, says Marisa Nightingale, senior adviser to the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, is to be proactive, not reactive. In other words, don’t wait until your daughter’s breasts are plastered across her boyfriend’s MySpace page. “You have to raise the issue, even if it’s uncomfortable. Instead of the ‘Don’t do that’ lecture, open up the conversation. Say ‘What do you think about this? Do you know kids who’ve done it? What do you think can happen when you have that photo of yourself out there?’ ” Explain that “when you send a photo of yourself off into the ether, you are making a decision to forgo control over yourself and your image.”

Chances are, Nightingale says, you have no idea what your teen’s definition of privacy is. Chances are, it’s very different from yours. “This is a generation that thinks nothing of updating their Facebook friends on mundane little activities of the day. The concept of having a private life has been muddied.”

Setting limits is key, she says. “Let them know what is appropriate to you and what your values are. You can’t assume they know what you think.”

Michael Josephson wants to go one step further—he wants parents to discuss the ethics of sexting. “When we talk about morality or ethics, we’re also talking about responsibility,” he says. “None of these acts truly occurs in a vacuum; there are stakeholders. If a child puts his picture on the Web, you don’t think that’s a major embarrassment to brothers and sisters, possibly the school?

A responsible person thinks about how his or her decisions impact other people.”

At the very least, kids need to know how much trouble they can get into for simply making or possessing these images. “When the legislation for child pornography was enacted, no one was imagining minors taking photos of their own bodies,” says Jeffrey Douglas, a Santa Monica, California, defense attorney.

“People don’t realize that prosecutors may not have a lot of leeway in prosecuting these cases, and if kids are convicted, they could be labeled as sex offenders. Kids don’t think about this, because they never believe they’ll be caught. They don’t even know that what they’re doing is a crime.”

Seven seems absurdly young. But the next time an image from one of these sites pops up on my iPhone, Henry and I will have another talk, as age-appropriate as I can make it, about people’s bodies and how his body belongs to him and him alone. Once he takes off his clothes online, even as a joke, he becomes public property. Other people have control over him. Anyone can do with him what they like.

I know my son. He’s a control freak and a tightwad, and the idea that anyone could have something of his that he didn’t consent to give would be horrible. I can’t rely on this impulse forever, but for now and for the foreseeable future, he really doesn’t like to share.

Wanted: Peace of MindYour kids are savvy enough to delete the recent history of their Internet use from their computers. Here are other options for the wary parent:

Yoursphere.com is a social networking site that restricts membership to kids and teens (”creepers,” adults trawling for teens, are sussed out and barred) and monitors bullying.

LMK, for “Let Me Know,” is a Girl Scouts site where girls can talk to one another about Internet safety.

Websafety.com sells software that can be downloaded to your kid’s cell phone and computer to alert you if she’s sending inappropriate texts or photos.

Safe Eyes, from internetsafety.com, lets you track your child’s instant messaging, monitor social networking sites, and impose limits on his online minutes.

Cell Phone Spy Elite, a device from brickhousesecurity.com, retrieves deleted text messages from cell phones.

Parental Guidance Is KeyWalking that fine line between parent and prison guard is tough.

Here’s what other parents do when it comes to their teens and social networking sites.

“My teenage boys have to ‘friend’ me on Facebook, and if I see something that crosses my line, we talk, and they remove it.”

“We limit her contact list to a few trusted friends.”

“Since friends do crazy things, they are not allowed to use his computer.”

“She has iChat and Google Talk, but she will have neither if she chats with someone she does not know.”

“Two rules: The computer stays in the family room, and we don’t buy laptops. They’re too easy to sneak into another room.”

“I snoop. She doesn’t want me on her Facebook page, but if the computer’s on, I will check it out.”

“I unwittingly reinforced the idea that raunchy paper trails are bad when my teenager discovered my high school yearbook. Reading notes from my friends, she was mortified to learn that I had tried drugs.”

“We conduct surprise inspections of her photo cache and iChat histories. We haven’t installed spyware—yet—but if we find anything out of line, we will, and she knows it.”

From Reader’s Digest - May 2009

Sue Scheff: The Truth About Sexting

Source: Good Morning America

'GMA' Holds a Town Hall Meeting to Discuss the Growing Teen Trend

Sex easily and quickly integrated itself into the digital age; and now the teen trend of "sexting" -- where a user sends sexually explicit images or messages via text on a cell phone -- has parents struggling for a way to address the situation.

"We're seeing 14, 15 and 16-year-olds and up are very commonly sharing naked pictures or sexual pictures of themselves," said Internet safety expert Parry Aftab, of Wired Safety. "We're talking about kids who are too young to wear bras who are posing in them, and then topless and then actually engaged in sex or even in masturbation. So we are seeing a lot of kids who are sexually active."

There's nothing coy about this 21st century amorous pursuit. Children as young as 12, who aren't sexually active, are sending explicit, provocative and even pornographic images to their peers.

Click here to ask a question about sexting.
Click here for more Internet safety tips.