Sue Scheff: Parenting ADHD Children: Advice from Moms Like You

Source: ADDitude Magazine

Moms' advice for parenting ADHD children, creating an ADD-friendly household, and smoothing out daily rough spots with discipline and behavior.

by Arlene Schusteff

It’s the stuff attention deficit disorder (ADD ADHD) days are made of: You’re trying to get your daughter to finish her homework, but she insists on doing cartwheels across the living room. Or you’ve already had two big dustups with your son — and it’s only 9 a.m.

Sound familiar? Parents of ADHD children have a lot on their plates. And while doctors, therapists, and ADD coaches can offer helpful guidance, much of the best, most practical advice on parenting ADD children comes from those who have been there, done that.
In other words, from other ADHD parents.

For this article, ADDitude asked members of support groups across the country (both live and online) for their tried-and-true parenting skill tips for monitoring behavior problems, disciplining and smoothing out the daily rough spots. Here’s what they said.

The Morning Routine

In many families, the friction starts soon after the alarm clocks sound. It’s not easy to coax a spacey, unmotivated ADHD child out of bed and into his clothes; the strategizing required to get the entire family fed and out the door on time would test the mettle of General Patton.
Getting off to a slower start can make all the difference, say parents. “We wake our son up a half-hour early,” says Toya J., of Brooklyn, New York, mother of eight-year-old Jamal. “We give him his medication, and then let him lie in our bed for a while. If we rush him, he gets overwhelmed — and so do we. Once the meds kick in, it’s much easier to get him going.”
Some parents aren’t above a little bribery. “In our house, it’s all about rewards,” says Jenny S., of New York City, mother of Jeremy, age seven. “Every time we have a good morning, I put a marble in the jar. For every five marbles, he wins a small reward.”

Amy B., of Los Angeles, mother of Jared, age seven, is another believer in reward systems. “If the TV is on, it’s impossible to get him moving. Now the TV stays off until absolutely everything is done and he’s ready to go. He moves quickly because he wants to watch that television.”
Another way to keep your morning structured and problem-free is to divide it into a series of simple, one-step tasks. “I’m the list queen,” says Debbie G., of Phoenix, mother of Zach, 10. “I put a list on his bedroom door that tells him step-by-step what he needs to do. I break his morning routine down into simple steps, like ‘BRUSH TEETH,’ ‘MAKE BED,’ ‘GET DRESSED,’ and ‘COME DOWNSTAIRS FOR BREAKFAST.’ The key is to make it easy to follow.”

What about kids who simply cannot, or will not, do what’s asked of them? When 10-year-old Liam refuses to comply, his mom, Dina A., of New York City, shifts into “if-you-can’t-beat-’em,-join-’em” mode. “I can’t believe I’m admitting this,” she says, “but I wake him up and bring him cereal in bed. Once he’s gotten something to eat, he’s not as crabby.”

Number Two: Behavior Patterns

Read entire article here: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/581-2.html

Sue Scheff: 17 Ways Parents Can Help ADHD Children Make Friends

Source: ADDitude Magazine

Children with ADHD sometimes struggle with social skills, and making friends can be tough. But parents can help! Learn how to guide your child through sticky social situations and make lasting friendships.

by Gay Edelman, Ann Loftin

Sometimes, ADHD children need help making and keeping friends. Parents can make a big difference without stepping on toes by helping an ADD child start a conversation or by "supervising from the window."

Find out other ways to become your child's ADHD friendship coach and guide his social development here.

Observe the Situation

Get to the root of the problem. ADHD children often have little sense of how they're perceived by their peers, and will commit social blunders without realizing it. Help them by discussing what went wrong, why it happened, and what your child could (not should) do differently next time. Be as sensitive with your attention deficit child as you would be with a close adult friend -- too much negative feedback can hurt your child's self-esteem.

On the flip side, when your child has a successful interaction, congratulate him.
Watch your child closely. Whenever he's playing with other kids, make sure you can see and hear what's going on. Be ready to intervene if he picks a fight, starts telling fibs, or does something dangerous in an effort to impress others.

Read entire article here: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/5401.html

Sue Scheff: Parenting ADHD Children: Advice from Moms Like You

Source: ADDitude Magazine

Moms' advice for parenting ADHD children, creating an ADD-friendly household, and smoothing out daily rough spots with discipline and behavior.

by Arlene Schusteff

It’s the stuff attention deficit disorder (ADD ADHD) days are made of: You’re trying to get your daughter to finish her homework, but she insists on doing cartwheels across the living room. Or you’ve already had two big dustups with your son — and it’s only 9 a.m.

Sound familiar? Parents of ADHD children have a lot on their plates. And while doctors, therapists, and ADD coaches can offer helpful guidance, much of the best, most practical advice on parenting ADD children comes from those who have been there, done that.
In other words, from other ADHD parents.

For this article, ADDitude asked members of support groups across the country (both live and online) for their tried-and-true parenting skill tips for monitoring behavior problems, disciplining and smoothing out the daily rough spots. Here’s what they said.

Number One: The Morning Routine

The Morning Routine

In many families, the friction starts soon after the alarm clocks sound. It’s not easy to coax a spacey, unmotivated ADHD child out of bed and into his clothes; the strategizing required to get the entire family fed and out the door on time would test the mettle of General Patton.

Getting off to a slower start can make all the difference, say parents. “We wake our son up a half-hour early,” says Toya J., of Brooklyn, New York, mother of eight-year-old Jamal. “We give him his medication, and then let him lie in our bed for a while. If we rush him, he gets overwhelmed — and so do we. Once the meds kick in, it’s much easier to get him going.”

Some parents aren’t above a little bribery. “In our house, it’s all about rewards,” says Jenny S., of New York City, mother of Jeremy, age seven. “Every time we have a good morning, I put a marble in the jar. For every five marbles, he wins a small reward.”

Amy B., of Los Angeles, mother of Jared, age seven, is another believer in reward systems. “If the TV is on, it’s impossible to get him moving. Now the TV stays off until absolutely everything is done and he’s ready to go. He moves quickly because he wants to watch that television.”
Another way to keep your morning structured and problem-free is to divide it into a series of simple, one-step tasks. “I’m the list queen,” says Debbie G., of Phoenix, mother of Zach, 10. “I put a list on his bedroom door that tells him step-by-step what he needs to do. I break his morning routine down into simple steps, like ‘BRUSH TEETH,’ ‘MAKE BED,’ ‘GET DRESSED,’ and ‘COME DOWNSTAIRS FOR BREAKFAST.’ The key is to make it easy to follow.”

What about kids who simply cannot, or will not, do what’s asked of them? When 10-year-old Liam refuses to comply, his mom, Dina A., of New York City, shifts into “if-you-can’t-beat-’em,-join-’em” mode. “I can’t believe I’m admitting this,” she says, “but I wake him up and bring him cereal in bed. Once he’s gotten something to eat, he’s not as crabby.”

Behavior Patterns

At first glance, a child’s misadventures may seem random. But spend a week or two playing detective, and you may see a pattern. Pay attention to the specific situations that lead to trouble and — even more important — to the times of day when trouble usually occurs.

“You may find that tantrums come at certain times of the day,” says Laura K., of San Francisco, mother of Jack, eight. “With my son, we found that it was right after the medication wore off. So we asked the doctor for a small booster dose to get us through. It’s worked wonders for cutting down on the bad behavior.”

Sometimes children simply fail to see the connection between how they behave and how they’re treated. In such cases, behavior charts are a godsend. The idea is to post a chart, specifying the behaviors you expect and the rewards the child will earn for toeing the line.

Renee L., of Northbrook, Illinois, mother of Justin, nine, explains: “Once children see that good behavior gets them privileges and bad behavior gets them nothing, they’re more likely to comply.” It helps to focus on only a few behaviors at a time.

Saying 'No' to Screen Time

For a weary parent, the sight of a child quietly watching TV, playing a video game, or working on a computer can seem heavenly. But too much screen time is not good — especially for kids who tend to hyperfocus.

Once these kids have entered the video or computer “zone,” it’s hard to switch their focus to something important — homework, for example.

For these kids, placing limits on screen time is a must. But how do you do this without triggering a battle?

“My husband and I decided that the only way to control our son’s screen time was to have consistent rules,” says Lisa L., of San Francisco, mother of Corey, 12. “So we started a ticket system. At the beginning of each week, we give Corey 10 tickets. Each ticket is good for an hour of screen time, whether it’s used on TV, video games, or the computer. He knows that, once all 10 tickets are gone, that’s it. It has helped him learn to budget his time.”

Like Lisa, Kate W., of Los Angeles, mother of 10-year-old Alex, requires her son to ask before he turns on the TV or picks up his Game Boy. “If he has homework to do, or if we’re getting ready to go somewhere, he knows that I’m going to say ‘no,’” she says. “When he asks, I tell him to move on to something else.”

Read entire article here: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/581-4.html

Sue Scheff: 5 Parent Secrets: Bring Out the Best In Your ADHD Child

Source: ADDitude Magazine

How to foster happiness and success in ADHD children who need a little help unwrapping their special gifts.

Every child is born with gifts. A child who has the fascinating trait called attention deficit disorder (ADHD) possesses extraordinary ones, but they may be hidden. And if they’re found, they can be tough to unwrap.

I hear from parents who say they need a plan to help them do that. Well, your wish has been granted. I have a five-step plan, called the cycle of excellence, which will reveal your ADHD child's gifts for all to see.
The plan works best if you love your child in the right way. First, try to catch her spirit and essence. Watch, listen, and interact with her, and don’t direct or worry about getting things done. Just hang out with her. You’ll come to see who your child is.

Before she gets labeled smart or stupid, hardworking or lazy, athletic or klutzy, friendly or taciturn, engaging or standoffish, before she gets labeled ADD or XYZ, a parent usually senses the beginnings of who her child is. Hold on to that!

Second, don’t listen much to the diagnosticians. Out of necessity, diagnosticians oversimplify. We miss the subtleties, the complexities, and the richness that makes up the spirit of a child. It is sad to see how many children lose that essence growing up. You can protect your child’s spirit by noticing it, naming it, and nourishing it.

The cycle of excellence will do the rest. I have used it many times — and have seen it used by other parents. The plan will help your child do more than get by in life. She will thrive and soar beyond where she, her teachers, and even you may have thought she could. Now let’s get started.

Read entire article: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/5408.html

Sue Scheff - ADHD and Teen Help

Source: ADDitude Magazine

How can parents best help their ADHD teens? Sometimes, stepping back to allow for some independence (and mistakes) is more important than enforcing discipline and structure on young adults with attention deficit.

I saw Donny for an ADHD evaluation shortly after his eleventh birthday. Like many parents, his mother, Christine, reacted to diagnosis of her adolescent son with mixed feelings: sadness that he was not perfect and that the attention deficit disorder (ADD ADHD) wouldn’t go away - and concern about the implications for Donny’s future.

She hoped that the treatment plan we devised - a combination of academic accommodations, therapy, and ADHD medication - would improve their day-to-day lives. Mostly, she was determined to do whatever was necessary to help her son.

Christine became the boy’s champion, protector, and advocate - getting him the ADHD teen help he needed.

She coordinated with Donny’s teachers, school counselors, soccer coaches, piano teachers, and the parents of his friends to make sure that they understood his needs and treated him fairly. She attended IEP meetings and helped shape his academic plan. Morning, homework, and bedtime routines were established to structure life at home.

The bottom line? Donny thrived.

Changes for the worse

I saw the family again almost four years later. Sad to say, their life had taken a turn for the worse. Donny was and ADHD teen experiencing many of the same problems he had in the past: He was angry and defiant at home; he procrastinated about homework and became disorganized in the classroom. Finally, Donny began to rebel against taking his medication and going for after-school academic support sessions.

The old disciplinary standbys of grounding Donny and taking away his privileges had little effect on his behavior. Christine expressed worry about his choice of friends, and urged him to find more responsible buddies. Donny withdrew from family life and spent more time in his room or with his friends.

Christine was the same motivated mother, but the parenting approach that had worked so well before was now exacerbating Donny’s behavior. What happened, she wondered? And where could she find ADHD teen help.

For one thing, Donny wasn’t the same youngster at 15 that he had been at 11. His perceptions, expectations, and needs had, in some cases, changed drastically. To hear Donny describe things, his caring and dedicated mother had somehow become a controlling, demanding parent. She nagged him constantly, about “everything.” Why couldn’t she get a life and get off his back?

Trying too hard

I told Christine that she was trying too hard. The take-charge, proactive parenting that used to work was now smothering Donny. He didn’t want to be taken care of; he wanted to be independent and mature. He was embarrassed when his mother checked with his teachers about his academic work. The routines set up at home now felt like a straitjacket to Donny. He perceived many of the family rules as attempts to limit his freedom. He hated taking medication. Donny was sick and tired of his AD/HD! He wanted to be like other kids his age.

Christine began to realize how Donny had outgrown many of the old strategies to manage his AD/HD, and her attitude started to change. She had run interference for her son for three years, but now he resented the interventions. She felt frustrated and guilty over Donny’s struggles and concluded that she wasn’t doing enough to help him.

In a nutshell, Donny wanted to grow up, but his loving mother - of all people - was standing in his way. It frustrated both of them. Christine needed a plan to find the right balance in mothering her AD/HD son. Here is the 10-step plan I devised to help her:

1. MAINTAIN REALISTIC GOALS. AD/HD cannot be “cured” because there is nothing to cure; it’s not an illness or a disease. A realistic goal is to help your child manage it well by providing strategies and interventions helpful to that particular child. Even with ideal interventions in place (a great IEP, therapeutic and tutoring help, the right medication at the right dosage), most children will continue to struggle at times. Expecting too much from your child, or from yourself as a parent, isn’t fair to either of you.

Perspective: Everyone slips up occasionally - kids with AD/HD and those without it. Sometimes the school paper is put off until the night before it’s due, and sometimes the garbage doesn’t get taken out. Look at the implications of a given act. If there are none, ask yourself, “What am I getting so upset about?”

2. MINIMIZE THE GUILT AND FEAR.AD/HD is a biological condition that, in most cases, is genetically transmitted. It’s no one’s fault. Parents aren’t guilty of “giving” their child AD/HD any more than they are guilty of giving their child life. Feeling guilty or worrying excessively leads to trying to do too much. Take a breath, relax, and remind yourself that your child isn’t doomed to a life of failure.

Perspective: Recall the baby and giant steps your child has taken since the original diagnosis. Ask yourself honestly: Hasn’t your child made more progress than you thought he would after first being told he had AD/HD? Pat yourself and your child on the back for how far you’ve come and how far you will go.

Read entire article here: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/720.html

Sue Scheff - Parenting ADHD

Source: ADDitude Magazine

4 Ways to Be a Better Parent: Raising ADHD Children

Expert advice for parenting your ADHD children -- forging powerful connections and becoming a positive life coach.

by Edward Hallowell, M.D.

Parenting children with attention deficit disorder (ADD ADHD) brings more ups and downs than a roller coaster.
One day you're basking in your child's creativity, the next you're worried about his social isolation and discipline problems at school. You do everything you can think of to help your son or daughter, yet wonder if you could do more.
What does it take to be a good, even great, parent of an ADD child? How can you create an environment that helps your special, wonderful child overcome the obstacles in his path?
Let me suggest four strategies:

1. Forge connections

Once you've taken care of your child's safety and feeding, your top job as a parent is to help her feel connected. By this, I mean creating an environment in which she feels part of something big and warm and benevolent. Reading to your child" is a great way to create connections. Sharing a bedtime story each evening (and doing a little cuddling in the process) lets you create a special, "slowed-down time together, and, of course, it's a great way to build your child's vocabulary.
Don't assume you have to give up this ritual once your child is reading on his own. You can continue it well into his teens.

How else can you create connections? Consider getting a family pet. And encourage contact between your child and his extended family. Frequent visits or calls from relatives extend a net of warmth and caring around your child. One of my favorite research studies showed that the single best predictor of happiness in adulthood is whether a person regularly shared family dinners when growing up.

2. Stay positive

It's too easy for parents to focus only on the problems associated with ADD. Yes, children with ADHD lose things. Yes, they often forget to turn in their homework. Yes, they are easily frustrated. But constantly harping on your child's shortcomings only undermines his self-confidence and optimism.

Try focusing on the positives for a change. What is it that your son does well? What hidden (or not-so-hidden) strengths does your daughter have? One mom I know used to say that her ADD daughter had trouble seeing the fish in the aquarium at the doctor's office - because she was so fascinated by the tiny fish eggs clinging to one leaf of an aquatic plant. Well, that daughter is now hoping to use her ability to see the unusual to launch a career in fashion design.

3. Be a coach

Helping your child grow into a happy, successful adult involves more than giving her medication each day. It means helping her find success and confidence in relationships and activities that she enjoys. Medication can be instrumental in helping her apply the brakes to her racecar brain. But medication alone is never enough.

Certain issues will persist throughout your child's school career - and, in all likelihood, her whole life. I'm talking about practical matters, like getting along with others, planning each day, and staying motivated in the face of setbacks. As a parent, you must be ready to help your child in these areas. Medication is not the whole treatment for ADD. Never was, never will be.

4. Allow time for play

Parents sometimes fear that their child won't "keep up" or develop friendships unless he is signed up for several organized activities - sports, clubs, and so on. But kids need some time for unstructured play. It shows them that they can learn to create joy all by themselves - a skill that will help them preserve the positive energy of childhood into their adult years. So pick a couple of things your child loves, then give him the gift of time.

Sue Scheff: ADHD School Behavior

How teachers and parents can inspire better ADHD school behavior with help from these impulse-controlling exercises for children with attention-deficit.

by ADDitude Editors

The problem: The student with attention deficit disorder (ADD ADHD) interrupts the teacher and classmates by calling out answers or commenting while others are speaking.

The reason: Children with ADHD have difficulty controlling their impulses. Scientists believe that a problem with dopamine, a brain chemical, causes them to respond immediately and reflexively to their environment — whether the stimulus is a question, an idea, or a treat. That’s why they often seem to act or talk before thinking, and ADHD school behavior suffers as a result.
The obstacles: Children with ADHD may not be aware that they are interrupting.

Even if they are, they have difficulty understanding that their behavior is disturbing or disruptive to others.Simply telling them their behavior is wrong doesn’t help. Even though they know this, their impulsivity overrides their self-control. Many ADHD children can’t understand nonverbal reprimands, like frowning, either.

Read entire article here: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/1977.html

Sue Scheff: Parenting ADHD Kids

Source: ADDitude Magazine

Help Socially Immature Kids Make Friends and Succeed at School

How to help children with ADHD improve behavior and social skills to make friends and do well at school.

The problem: The social maturity of children with attention deficit disorder (ADD ADHD) may be a few years behind that of their peers. In addition, they have difficulty reading verbal and physical social cues, misinterpreting remarks, or not getting jokes or games. Thus, their responses and reactions are often inappropriate, and it may be difficult to make friends their own age.

The reason: ADHD is a developmental disorder in which brain maturation is delayed. The student’s development may also be uneven. Students may behave appropriately in some situations but not in others, leading some unenlightened adults to believe “they can behave when they want to.”

The obstacles: ADHD children are usually not aware of how immature or off-base they may seem to peers and adults. They cannot adequately read other people’s responses to their behavior. Desperate for positive attention, they may try behavior that is outrageous, funny, or negative, mistakenly believing it will gain them friends and respect. They may be ostracized by their peers and singled out by teachers, which hurts their self-esteem.

Read Entire Article Here: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/1971.html

Sue Scheff: Stop Interrupting! Better ADHD School Behavior

How teachers and parents can inspire better ADHD school behavior with help from these impulse-controlling exercises for children with attention-deficit.
by ADDitude Editors

The problem: The student with attention deficit disorder (ADD ADHD) interrupts the teacher and classmates by calling out answers or commenting while others are speaking.The reason: Children with ADHD have difficulty controlling their impulses. Scientists believe that a problem with dopamine, a brain chemical, causes them to respond immediately and reflexively to their environment — whether the stimulus is a question, an idea, or a treat.

That’s why they often seem to act or talk before thinking, and ADHD school behavior suffers as a result.The obstacles: Children with ADHD may not be aware that they are interrupting. Even if they are, they have difficulty understanding that their behavior is disturbing or disruptive to others.Simply telling them their behavior is wrong doesn’t help. Even though they know this, their impulsivity overrides their self-control. Many ADHD children can’t understand nonverbal reprimands, like frowning, either.

Read the entire article here: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/1977.html

What Is ADHD? Diagnosis and Treatment Information

Source: ADDitude Magazine

An expert on ADHD and learning disabilities talks about the biology behind attention deficit disorder and why it's sometimes so difficult to diagnose and treat ADHD symptoms in children.
by Larry Silver, M.D.

In my 40 years as a child and adolescent psychiatrist, I have treated thousands of youngsters. With some children, I am able to make a quick evaluation about attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and outline a course of treatment. With others — more often than I care to admit — I have to tell parents that it's not clear what is wrong. It's not that I lack the expertise or diagnostic skills. It's just that psychiatry isn't quite as far along as other medical specialties.

A pediatrician can do a throat culture and tell at once whether a child needs an antibiotic; appropriate treatment follows the diagnosis. In contrast, psychiatrists are often required to initiate a specific treatment and worry about clarifying the diagnosis later on. As I often tell parents, we must "put out the fire and blow the smoke away" before we can figure out what started the fire.

If a child is having problems in school, he may have attention deficit disorder (ADD ADHD), but it's also possible that he has a learning disability. Or depression. Or anxiety. Sometimes what looks like ADHD is the result of family tensions.

If ADHD seems to be even a part of such a "mixed clinical picture," I typically prescribe medication. If this solves the problem, terrific. But in many cases, another intervention is needed to address persistent academic, emotional, or family problems. Only weeks or months after treatment has been initiated will the full clinical picture become clear.

I understand parents' concern about medicating their children. My clinical knowledge notwithstanding, I agonized over whether my granddaughter, who has ADHD, should be on meds. (Ultimately, we decided she should.) I have found, however, that parents often feel better about ADHD meds when they understand a bit about neurotransmitters, the remarkable compounds that govern brain function.

How neurotransmitters work
Before I tell you about these special brain chemicals, let me explain a bit about brain anatomy.

There are millions of cells, or neurons, densely packed into various regions of the brain. Each region is responsible for a particular function. Some regions interact with our outside world, interpreting vision, hearing, and other sensory inputs to help us figure out what to do and say. Other regions interact with our internal world — our body — in order to regulate the function of our organs.

For the various regions to do their jobs, they must be linked to one another with extensive "wiring." Of course, there aren't really wires in the brain. Rather, there are myriad "pathways," or neural circuits, that carry information from one brain region to another.

Information is transmitted along these pathways via the action of neurotransmitters (scientists have identified 50 different ones, and there may be as many as 200). Each neuron produces tiny quantities of a specific neurotransmitter, which is released into the microscopic space that exists between neurons (called a synapse), stimulating the next cell in the pathway — and no others.

How does a specific neurotransmitter know precisely which neuron to attach to, when there are so many other neurons nearby? Each neurotransmitter has a unique molecular structure — a "key," if you will — that is able to attach only to a neuron with the corresponding receptor site, or “lock.” When the key finds the neuron bearing the right lock, the neurotransmitter binds to and stimulates that neuron.

Read entire article here: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/1572.html

College Confidence with ADD by Michael Sandler

Everything You Need to Know to Find Success in College and Beyond

While college is a challenge for any student, the increased workload, complexity, freedom and competing demands make it particularly daunting for those students with Attention Deficit Disorder. But you need not be overwhelmed and you can succeed!

College Confidence with ADD will help you turn obstacles into opportunities and overcome social, academic, financial, and personal challenges both in and out of the classroom. Whether your goal is to get into the school of your choice, improve your grades, survive the experience, gain guidance and direction, or springboard into the future of your dreams, this comprehensive and essential guide will help you succeed.

Perfect for ADD students and parents alike.
Ideal for busy lives and whirring minds.

Also available in audiobook format as an immediatedownload.

Visit http://www.thecreativelearninginstitute.com/paperback.htm for more information.

Michael Phelps' Mom on How to Raise an ADHD Superstar

Source: http://www.additudemag.com/

Meet the mothers of three ADHD super-achievers — an Olympic record-breaker, a TV heavyweight, and a world-class adventurer — and learn how they helped their kids beat the odds.

What does it take to succeed despite attention deficit disorder (ADD ADHD)? It takes hard work, for starters — a willingness to meet challenges head-on. It takes support from family members, teachers, therapists, and coaches. And, of course, it’s hard to overstate the benefits of ADHD medication.

But, of all the ingredients needed to make a happy, successful life, nothing is more important than good parenting. Behind almost every ADHD success story is a devoted parent (or two). In honor of mothers, let’s give credit where credit is due.

The three mothers profiled here helped their sons and daughters achieve great things — more than they could have imagined. Steadfast and resourceful, they saw strength where others saw weakness, and kept looking for ways to help their children after others were ready to give up. Let their stories inspire you!

Read entire article here: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/1998.html

ADHD College Survival Guide - ADDitude Magazine

Visit ADDitude's ADHD College Survival Guide

John Muscarello had no trouble making the transition to college life, despite his severe attention deficit disorder (ADD ADHD).

That's because the 20-year-old cultivated good habits while attending high school in Glen Head, New York. "I had an assignment pad where I wrote everything down," he explains. "I also had a big calendar on my bedroom wall. I wrote down upcoming papers and dates, so I always knew what I had going on. I would get home from sports, take a shower, eat dinner, take a pill, and then do all my work."

In high school, John handed in papers before they were due. "Teachers would help me revise them," he says, "and I'd hand them in again, when everyone else did." And he cultivated close relationships with faculty members - a strategy he continues at Pennsylvania's York College by e-mailing his professors at the beginning of each semester to introduce himself and explain his academic "issues." He got this idea from his mother, Mary, who always made it a point to meet with her son's teachers to give them a heads-up.

Of course, laughs Mary, "The fact that we owned a pastry shop and brought stuff to school didn't hurt either."

Things were different for David Burkhart, a 28-year-old graduate student. He had done well at the prep school he attended, where students woke up, ate, studied, and went to bed at prescribed times. Given the order imposed on him, no one even suspected that David had ADD, as well as dysgraphia.

But David's life unraveled as he began his freshman year at Auburn University.

"I got to college and moved into my own apartment. For the first time in my life, I didn't have a bedtime," he says. "I had no clue how to eat or plan my day. I went from having one hour of free time a day to having three hours of class a day - and nobody cared if I didn't show up for those. I 'washed my clothes' by buying new stuff. I bought a new pair of slacks every week."

Within weeks, David had dropped all his classes. He tried to hide the truth from his parents, but his father, the chairman of Auburn's psychology department, and his mother soon found out. David's dad sent him to live with an uncle in Florida, where he spent four grueling months pouring asphalt and considering what he would do differently if he returned to college.

Read entire article: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/1018.html

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Tease Proof Your Preteen with ADHD

Source ADDitude Magazine

By Carol Brady, PhD.

Practicing social skills at home will make school a much friendlier place for your child with ADHD.

During a recent visit to a school, I noticed a student, Danny, roughhousing with a classmate. The boy said, “Stop it,” but Danny laughed and continued, seemingly oblivious to his friend’s irritation. When questioned later about this interchange, Danny responded, “He likes it when we play rough.”

Later that day, Danny was clueless as to why he was teased and called “loser” by his offended friend.

In 2001, the New York University Child Study Center conducted a survey of 507 parents. It found that kids with attention deficit disorder (ADD ADHD) were nearly three times more likely to have difficulty getting along with, and more than twice as likely to get picked on by, peers, compared to children without ADHD.

Danny’s situation provides an illuminating look at why this may be so: Danny thought both he and his friend were having fun. He didn’t notice any nonverbal clues, so he didn’t take his friend’s verbal request to stop seriously.

Danny’s friend, on the other hand, interpreted Danny’s boisterous behavior as intentionally irritating, so he lashed out at him with hurtful words.

You may recall the classic saying: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” The truth of the matter is that words can hurt - deeply. The most heart-wrenching stories I’ve heard from preteen patients relate to their being teased by peers. All children in the “in-between” years are susceptible to bullying by classmates, but kids who have ADHD may receive a disproportionate amount. If a child faces mean words and acts on a regular basis, the effects take their toll on his schoolwork and overall happiness.

Provide social cues
AD/HD behaviors, such as frequent interrupting and lack of standard social etiquette, may be misinterpreted as intentionally hurtful. Other behaviors simply provide easy targets for teasing during the precarious middle-school years. These behaviors may include: poor eye contact, too much activity, both verbal and nonverbal, and failure to notice social cues. Misinterpretation of such behaviors often causes trouble for both the AD/HD child and his schoolmates.

Parents can help their preteens hold back the tide of teasing by teaching social skills at home. Practice maintaining eye contact during short conversations. Emphasize the importance of using transitional expressions when greeting or leaving friends, such as “Hi” and “Bye,” and of saying “Please,” “Thank you,” and “I’m sorry.” Ask your child to try counting to five in his head before making any comments or responding during a conversation. This five-second margin will reduce inappropriate verbal blurting and help teach him to become a better listener.

If preteens do not see how they may draw negative attention, they may come away from social interactions feeling that they are hopelessly and inexplicably disliked. Parents may advise their children to “just ignore it,” but this strategy can be difficult for AD/HD students. As you help your child build social skills, continue to listen to her problems. Provide a forum to discuss interactions and help her come up with her own strategies for dealing with the teasers of the world. Involve your child in activities at which he can be successful. Respond to your preteen when he shows what an interesting, loyal, and compassionate person he is becoming. Reinforce connections to his friends who show positive qualities. Tell about your own childhood (or present-day!) encounters with hurtful people and share your solutions.

Promote values of compassion
Young people take cues from those around them. Compassion may not be the strongest suit for many preteens, but school can be an ideal setting for changing this paradigm.

An episode from my ADD daughter’s time in junior high school makes the case for involving administrators and students in maintaining a friendly environment at school. The girls at the lunch table saw a student hiding another girl’s purse. When the girl found that her purse was missing, she began to cry. The principal called all the girls at the table in to her office. Although the offending child confessed to “playing a joke,” the principal asked each one of the girls at the table to perform one act of kindness every day that week for the victim of the teasing. The principal explained that, by doing nothing about an act of unkindness, they were part of the problem.

This intervention made a big impression on the girls, who came to understand that supporting an atmosphere of “compassion” was part of the school’s mission. The secret preteen understanding - “don’t get involved and don’t be a tattletale or you will be next” - was turned on its head. These girls learned that this doesn’t apply when you see targets of teasing.

That “magical, protective shield” that we all wish for our children must be built over time. While no single technique can eliminate the teasing words or actions that hurt feelings, there’s a lot that parents and teachers can do to help.

Sue Scheff: How to Move Past Mistakes

By ADDitude Magazine

Eight simple parenting rules for motivating a vulnerable child with attention deficit disorder (ADD ADHD).

What’s the key to reaching one’s goals and making a happy, productive life? Motivation. But it’s hard to feel motivated when much of what you try goes awry. Just ask (or observe) a child with attention deficit disorder (ADD ADHD); distractibility and memory deficits can lead to frequent mistakes at home and at school — and what feels like constant discipline and criticism from parents and teachers.

Some kids buy into the idea that they aren’t capable of much, and give up when faced with even small challenges. Others become so fearful of not doing things right that they don’t even try. Either way, these kids suffer a severe blow to their self-esteem.

Now for the good news: It’s surprisingly easy to “inoculate” your son or daughter against defeatism and low self-esteem. All you have to do is teach your child how to think about the mistakes they make. Use my eight rules (outlined below) at home, and encourage your child’s teachers to use them at school. The rules are known by the acronym DELICATE. (If you have trouble remembering all eight, write them down, and post them prominently in your home.)

D is for DECREASE
Point out to your child when his mistakes are decreasing in magnitude or frequency — and assure him that they are likely to continue to do so. “Look how far you’ve already come,” you might say. “The more you practice, the fewer mistakes you make. Things will get easier.”

E is for EXPECTATION
Kids are less likely to be discouraged by mistakes if they realize that mistakes are to be expected. Ask your child to name what is at each end of a pencil. Explain that the point is for writing and the eraser is for correcting mistakes. In fact, the inevitability of mistakes is why erasers were invented. Explain, “Of course there are going to be mistakes. That’s what erasers are for.”

L is for LEARNING OPPORTUNITY
The only difference between a stumbling block and a stepping stone is how your child uses it. Make sure your child understands that every mistake, no matter how big or small, can be used as a learning opportunity. “Let’s learn from what just happened,” you might say. “Remember, success means making progress—not being perfect.”

I is for INCOMPLETE
Teach your child to regard a mistake not as a mark of failure, but as an indication that a project remains unfinished: “You’re not done with it yet. We’ll work on it again later. You didn’t run out of talent, you just ran out of time.”

C is for CAUSE
The perfectionist parent believes there is no excuse for mistakes. The realistic parent understands that mistakes are inevitable, and—rather than trying to affix blame — looks for causes to correct. “Let’s see what’s giving you trouble here,” you might say. “Every mistake has a cause.”

A is for ACCIDENT
Make sure your child knows that mistakes are, by nature, accidents, and that making one does not mean that he is “bad.”

T is for TEMPORARY
Encourage your child to view each mistake as a temporary setback on the road to success: “You’re just not ready for that activity right now—you’ll do better later.”

E is for EFFORT
Mistakes should be viewed as proof of trying, not as proof of failing to try hard enough. Point out that Michael Jordan missed 63 percent of the baskets he attempted during his basketball career. Babe Ruth struck out more than 1,300 times. And Thomas Edison tried 611 different materials before discovering that tungsten makes the best filament for a light bulb. “The only way you can guarantee avoiding a mistake,” you might say, “is not to try. Thank you for trying.”

By applying these eight concepts to the mistakes your child makes, you’re helping him develop that “I can do it!” self-confidence, free of the specter of perfectionism.

Sue Scheff: Standing Up for Your Child's Educational Rights

By ADDitude Magazine

Learn your child’s educational rights to get him the support he needs in the classroom.

In an ideal world, teachers and school administrators would be as eager as parents to see that children with ADD get what they need to succeed in school. Unfortunately, teachers are pressed for time as never before, and school districts are strapped for cash. So it’s up to parents to make sure that their kids get the extra support they need.

“The federal government requires schools to provide special services to kids with ADD and other disabilities, but the school systems themselves bear much of the cost of these services,” says Susan Luger, director of The Children’s Advisory Group in New York City. “Though they’ll never admit it, this gives the schools an incentive to deny these services. The process of obtaining services has become much more legalistic over the past 10 years.”
Click here for the entire article.

Sue Scheff: Parenting ADHD Children - Advice from Moms

By ADDitude Magazine

Moms' advice for parenting ADHD children, creating an ADD-friendly household and smoothing out daily rough spots

It’s the stuff attention deficit disorder (ADD ADHD) days are made of: You’re trying to get your daughter to finish her homework, but she insists on doing cartwheels across the living room. Or you’ve already had two big dustups with your son — and it’s only 9 a.m.

Sound familiar? Parents of ADHD children have a lot on their plates. And while doctors, therapists, and ADD coaches can offer helpful guidance, much of the best, most practical advice on parenting ADD children comes from those who have been there, done that. In other words, from other ADHD parents.

For this article, ADDitude asked members of support groups across the country (both live and online) for their tried-and-true parenting skill tips for monitoring behavior problems, disciplining and smoothing out the daily rough spots. Here’s what they said.

Read the entire article here: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/581.html

Sue Scheff: Safeguarding Teenage Drivers with ADD

By ADDitude Magazine

Young motorists with ADD need to be extra careful on the road.

Here's how they can drive safely.

Motorists with attention deficit disorder (ADD ADHD) - especially teens - need to be extra careful on the road.

Here's how to help them minimize distractions and stay safe.

Pick a safe car. Larger cars offer greater protection in the event of an accident.

Help your teen with ADD learn to drive. Practice sessions should cover a variety of situations.Ask that he drive with an adult for at least his first 500 miles behind the wheel.

Don't let your teen drive at night. Most fatal crashes involving young drivers occur between 9 p.m. and midnight.

Don't let your teenager chauffeur other teens.

Remind your teen that he must wear a seat belt at all times ...and that he must never drive after drinking or using drugs.

For more on keeping teenagers safe behind the wheel, see AD/HD & Driving: A Guide for Parents of Teens with AD/HD, by J. Marlene Snyder, Ph.D. (Whitefish Consultants, 2001).

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Can Children Grow out of ADHD?

By ADDitude Magazine

Parents of children with attention deficit disorder often wonder if their kids will stay on ADD drugs for life. A medical expert explains.

I recently diagnosed eight-year-old Aidan with attention deficit disorder (ADD ADHD). When I met with his parents to explain the disorder, each time I described a symptom, his mother exclaimed, “That’s me!” or “I’ve been like that all my life, too.” At the end of the appointment, she asked me if she should be evaluated, as well.

As an adult, Aidan’s mother had jumped from job to job, and had difficulty meeting household demands. As a child, she had struggled through school, often getting into trouble and getting poor grades. After a thorough evaluation of her chronic and pervasive history of hyperactivity, distractibility, and other symptoms of ADHD, she was diagnosed by a psychiatrist who works with adults.

Click here for entire article.

Sue Scheff: ADHD Teens and Puberty

By ADDitude Magazine

What parents of ADHD boys should watch for as their sons pass through adolescence.

Until he was 10 or 11, Robert was cheerful and lively, if sometimes distractible and hyper. Then came 12 and 13. “He alternates between couch potato and monster,” says his mother, Anne. “What happened to my sweet little boy?”


What happened were puberty (physical changes) and adolescence (psychological and social changes), which occur when children begin maturing into adults. Some kids begin to “act” like adolescents before puberty; others may not accept the role of adolescent until long after puberty. Whenever they happen, you’re in for a bumpy ride.



Fortunately, boys with attention deficit disorder (ADD ADHD) don’t seem to have more difficulty coping with puberty than others. However, their particular problems and stresses may differ somewhat. Here are some issues to consider.

Click here for entire article.