Sue Scheff: Hate crimes up

It is disturbing just reading this title yet important to read the article.  Parents need to take time to be informed and know if their kids are being taunted or if they fear for any reason.  It is important to keep your lines of communication open before your child escalates to anger and rage. 

Source: Connect with Kids

Hate Crimes Up
“I'm scared that I go to a Jewish school that's so public that someone could just ... come in and put a bomb in it or start a fire, just 'cause it's a Jewish school that's filled with Jewish people.”

– Debbie, 12 years old

The F.B.I. has released new data showing that hate crimes were up last year. Crimes based on religious preference were up nine percent, crimes against black people went up eight percent, and crimes based on sexual orientation are up three percent.

Sometimes kids are the victims or fear they will be. "I'm scared that I go to a Jewish school that's so public that someone could just, well, they have like video cameras and everything but, just come in and put a bomb in it or start a fire, just 'cause it's a Jewish school that's filled with Jewish people," says 12-year-old Debbie.

Kids can get hurt because of their race, religion or sexual preference. So what can parents do?

Psychologist, Dr. Stephen Thomas says, "I think the most important thing parents can do is to listen, is to listen to their kids, even when they're in pain. And to help them understand that sometimes that pain and anger is part of life."

Psychologists say that kind of communication is crucial, because often victims get angry.

"Some kids don't know that what they're feeling is anger. No one has taught them that this feeling that you have, you're heart racing, you want to lash out... that's anger, they don't know that... they don't know that," says Thomas.

And when kids cannot identify and deal with those kinds of emotions they are more likely to become hateful themselves.

"I could understand if everyone around you is showing you hatred you know," says 18-year-old Brian, "you're gonna show them hatred, that's what I... if everyone did that to me I might feel like killing somebody one day."

The Internet has opened the door to a wealth of information at our fingertips. But it has also brought instant accessibility to illegal drugs, pornography, hate websites and more. It's important to set guidelines regarding your child's Internet usage. Consider these important steps from the University of Oklahoma police department:

■Learn about the Internet – If you are just starting out, see what information and classes are offered by your local library, community center, schools or newspaper.
■Get Involved – Spend time online with your child -- at home, at the library or at a computer center in your community. Your involvement in your child's life includes his/her online life. Your participation and guidance is important to help ensure your child's Internet safety.
■Stay Informed – Learn about the latest parental control tools that can help you keep your child safe online. Stay abreast of what's in the news about kids and web sites.
■Become an Advocate for Kids – If you see online material or practices you do not like, contact your Internet Service Provider (the company that provides you with a connection to the Internet) or the company that created the material. Take advantage of this unique opportunity to help this growing medium develop in positive ways for kids.

Tips for Parents

According to SafeKids.com, there are steps you can take to help prevent your child from seeing inappropriate content on the Internet. Consider the following suggestions:

■In an online public area such as a chat room or bulletin board, never give out identifying information, including name, home address, school name or telephone number.
■In an email, do not give out identifying information unless you are certain you are giving it to someone both you and your child know and trust. Think carefully before revealing any personal information such as age, marital status or financial information. Consider using a pseudonym or unlisting your child's name if your service allows it.
■Get to know the sites and services your child uses. If you don't know how to log on, have your child show you. Find out what types of information the services and websites offer, how trustworthy the information is and if parents can block objectionable material.
■Never allow a child to arrange a face-to-face meeting with another computer user without parental permission.
■Never respond to messages or bulletin board items that are suggestive, obscene, belligerent, threatening or make you feel uncomfortable. Encourage your children to tell you if they encounter such messages. If you or your child receives a message that is harassing or threatening, forward a copy of the message to your service provider and ask for their assistance.
■Remember that people online may not be who they seem. Because you can't see or even hear people over the Internet, it is easy for them to misrepresent themselves. For example, someone who says he/she is an expert in a certain field may actually be a biased individual with an agenda or someone with harmful intentions.
■Not everything you read online is true. Be wary of any offers that require you to come to a meeting or have someone visit your house. Also, research several different sources of information before referring to something you read on the Internet as "fact."
■Set reasonable rules and guidelines for computer use. Discuss these rules and post them near the computer as a reminder. Remember to monitor your kids' compliance with these rules, especially when it comes to the amount of time your children spend on the computer. A child's or teenager's excessive use of online services or bulletin boards, especially late at night, may indicate a potential problem. Remember that personal computers and online services should not be used as electronic babysitters.
■Make computers a family activity. Consider keeping the computer in a family room rather than the child's bedroom. Get to know your children's "online friends" just as you do their other friends.

References
■Federal Bureau of Investigation
■National Center for Health Statistics
■SafeKids.com
■Smart Parent
■The Police Notebook
■The University of Illinois

Sue Scheff: The Price of Bullying

After one of the most horrific acts of violence by teens in South Florida, which left 15-year old Michael Brewer with burns over two thirds of his body, 3 of the 5 teenagers accused of this despicable crime will be tried as adults.

This is a strong and solid message by Broward Circuit Judge Lee Seidman. What type of child or teen does this unconscionable act to another person? It is very disturbing to believe this type of violence exists and that bullying can reach a level of nearly killing another person.

Should minors be charged as adults? In some instances, such as this one, many believe that to be true. This crime was so heinous that adults have a hard time comprehending how anyone could do this to another person.

As a parent we need to take the time to talk with our children about this incident. Open up your lines of communication, talk about bullying, discuss consequences and answer their questions and concerns honestly.

Neighbors 4 Neighbors has created the Michael Brewer Fund to help the Brewer family with the high hospital costs. Additional fund raising is taking place throughout South Florida. Visit and join their Facebook Michael Brewer Foundation.

For more information on this story: Miami Herald, CBS4, ABC News

Also on Examiner.com.

Sue Scheff: Bullying Victims

Tomorrow (October 5th) is Blue Shirt Day to join together and STOMP OUT BULLYING. Today, October 4th – 10th is National Prevention Awareness of Bullying week. Take the time to get involved.

Source: Connect with Kids

Bullying Victims

“They just think that that’s a part of high school, like that’s just the process they go through.”
– Becky, 17 years old

A child is taunted in the hallway, a child is pushed in the bathroom, and another child is punched on the bus. The latest numbers on bullying show that one in four students is bullied, one in five admits to being a bully, over a quarter of a million kids are physically attacked each month, and eight percent of students have missed school because they were afraid.

“People don’t usually take a stand about that because they’re too scared,” says Brittany, 15.
“And I can remember the names of every single kid who used to kick me, jump me, take my lunch, push me around,” says Nam, 19.

Experts say bully victims often become depressed and isolated and that those feelings can last into adulthood.

“That they go to work and they can’t stand up and speak for themselves. They go to do something in their religious community, and they don’t feel empowered to give back – something that they want to do, that will make them part of the community. They just don’t have it. It got shut down in school through the systematic abuse,” explains Dr. David Fenstermaker, a psychologist and expert on school violence.

Bullying has been around since the days of the one-room schoolhouse, but kids say parents still don’t understand.

“A large percentage of the students at our school get bullied every day. The ones that don’t are the bullies themselves,” says Brittany, 15.

Experts say it’s vital that you learn about your child’s school day … every day. And sometimes, specifically ask about bullying. “You can be sensitive, have empathy with them so they realize they are not alone. That’s one of the most devastating feelings is that you feel, ‘I’m all alone in this. Nobody understands, nobody cares,’” says Dr. Allen Carter, a psychologist.
Carter says parents should take their children’s fears seriously. They must talk to teachers, the principal, the bully’s parents … do whatever it takes to stop the pain.
“Ten years later, and I still got it embedded in my mind,” Nam says.

Tips for Parents

Parental involvement is the key to reducing and preventing bullying and the problems it brings. The NCPC offers the following tips to help prevent bullying incidents in your child’s school and community:

Listen to your child. Encourage him or her to talk about school, social events, classmates and the walk or ride to and from school so you can identify any problems he or she may be experiencing.
Take your child’s complaints of bullying seriously. Probing a seemingly minor complaint may uncover more severe grievances.

Watch for symptoms that your child may be a bullying victim. These symptoms include withdrawal, a drop in grades, torn clothes or the need for extra money or supplies.

Tell the school or organization immediately if you think that your child is being bullied. Alerted caregivers can carefully monitor your child’s actions and take steps to ensure his or her safety.
Work with other parents in your neighborhood. This strategy can ensure that children are supervised closely on their way to and from school.

Teach your child nonviolent ways to resolve arguments.

Teach your child self-protection skills. These skills include how to walk confidently, staying alert to what’s going on around him or her and standing up for himself or herself verbally.

Help your child learn the social skills needed to make friends. A confident, resourceful child who has friends is less likely to be bullied or to bully others.

Praise your child’s kindness toward others. Let him or her know that kindness is valued.

Don’t bully your child yourself, physically or verbally. Use nonphysical, consistently enforced discipline measures as opposed to ridiculing, yelling or ignoring your child when he or she misbehaves.

Although anyone can be the target of a bully, victims are often singled out based on psychological traits more than physical traits. The National Resource Center for Safe Schools says that passive loners are the most frequent victims, especially if they cry easily or lack social self-defense skills.

Many victims are unable to deflect a conflict with humor and don’t think quickly on their feet. They are usually anxious, insecure and cautious and suffer from low self-esteem. In addition, they rarely defend themselves or retaliate and tend to lack friends, making them easy to isolate. Therefore, it is vital that you instill confidence in your child and empower him or her to become a healthy, socially adjusted adult.

References
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
National Crime Prevention Council
National Institute of Child Health & Human Development
National Resource Center for Safe Schools
Also visit http://www.loveourchildrenusa.org/ for more information.